Free Republic
Browse · Search
General/Chat
Topics · Post Article

Skip to comments.

Donald Lancow's Strange Universe
Donald Lancow's Strange Universe ^ | June 9 | flaming death

Posted on 06/08/2005 9:27:11 PM PDT by FLAMING DEATH

This site has been down for a while, but is up now at a new address: www.donaldlancow.com.

Here's a sample:

Letter to City of Augusta, Maine

VIA EMAIL FORM

Dear Augusta,

I am making plans to start my own business in your city. I need to know what licenses and permits I need to get this going. My business will be called, “L&L Fine Meats and Cat Disposal.” The main function of my business is the sale of fine meats (specializing in steaks, roasts, chops, cubes and slabs). I will also dispose of cats (bring in your cat and we’ll get rid of it - no questions asked. Also accept chubs on Thursdays). I think this combines two services that most people have been asking for. I just want to help them out and make a comfortable living in the process. I have a truck with a logo. People will take me seriously.

Please help me out on this info (permits, licenses, zoning, leash laws). Many thanks.

Donald Lancow L&L Fine Meats and Cat Disposal “Home of the Fish on Friday Bonanza”

______________

SUBJECT: General Comments Request

FROM: Jody Jankowski

Sir,

For requested information please provide a written request to:

Emery Toulouse Animal Control Officer Augusta Police Department 33 Union St. Augusta Me. 04330

Please provide return address and phone number.

__________________

SUBJECT: Ref: "General Comments"

FROM: Worley, Norma J.

I am most intrigued by your proposed business, "L&L Fine Meats and Cat Disposal". I look forward to discussing the Animal Welfare Rules and Regulations for the State of Maine especially as they related to the euthanizing of any cat or animal with you prior to the opening of this business.

Norma J. Worley Director Maine Department of Agriculture Animal Welfare Program State House Station 28 Augusta, ME 04333-0028 (207) 287-3846

_____________________

SUBJECT: Re: Ref: "General Comments"

Mr. Worley,

We will not offer any euthanizing, viewing, music or any other funeral type services (how much could one say about a dead cat anyway?). We will simply kill the animal. This is how we keep costs low and bring more for less to you, the customer. Please allow us to send a complimentary (free) bucket of hock chops to you (available to any government official who helps us cut through the “red tape”). Thanks.

Donald Lancow


TOPICS: Humor; Miscellaneous; Weird Stuff
KEYWORDS: donaldlancow; email; funny; weird

1 posted on 06/08/2005 9:27:11 PM PDT by FLAMING DEATH
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | View Replies]

To: FLAMING DEATH
This guy's webpage is a hoot !

Do you know him ?
Is he actually insane, or just funny ?

Either way, the man has entirely too much time on his hands.


2 posted on 06/09/2005 4:16:25 AM PDT by tomkat
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: FLAMING DEATH
Don Novello (Father Guido Sarducci) did the same thing back during the Nixon presidency ... the book is called The Lazlo Toth Letters

President, Timex Corporation
September 17, 1976

Dear Sir:

I saw one of your commercials that showed a woman on the beach in Malibu, California with one of those ticking geiger-counter type things, and she found a watch buried in the sand.

I lost a watch a number of years ago, and I'm not sure, but I'm pretty sure it might be mine! I've never been in Malibu but I figure a strong current could have carried it down there. (My watch wasn't a Timex, but I figure you never know.)

Could you please go through your lost and found box and see if it has the initials "LT" on it and also the inscription, "In case of accident call an ambulance."

Thank-you.

I also liked the one where the guy's dog swallowed the watch and he took it to the Vet and today it's still ticking. One question: How about the dog? Still ticking too? Keep it up!

Lazlo Toth

P.S. Where can I get one of those geiger-counters? If you don't have my watch I might start looking for it myself. Can you do any harm to a dog if you go over it with one of those things? Any harmful rays? Also, how about cats?

3 posted on 06/09/2005 5:02:49 AM PDT by tx_eggman (Liberalism is only possible in that moment when a man chooses Barabas over Christ.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: tomkat

It's a secret.

The letters of Donald Lancow were actually written by me and my Freeper brother, itzmygun.

Don't tell anyone.

And yes, we do have entirely too much time on our hands.


4 posted on 06/09/2005 9:58:59 AM PDT by FLAMING DEATH ("My vertical jump increased almost 2 inches." - Donald Lancow (www.donaldlancow.com))
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2 | View Replies]

To: FLAMING DEATH
FOFL !

Kudos to you both   

(mum's the word)

5 posted on 06/09/2005 10:24:31 AM PDT by tomkat
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 4 | View Replies]

Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.

Free Republic
Browse · Search
General/Chat
Topics · Post Article

FreeRepublic, LLC, PO BOX 9771, FRESNO, CA 93794
FreeRepublic.com is powered by software copyright 2000-2008 John Robinson