Posted on 05/21/2005 6:26:56 AM PDT by TerryGale
Dr. Phil exposed a female DV perp 5/19/05. It's rare for people to admit that women commit their share (if not more) of domestic violence - and even rarer to have live video of female perpetrated DV aired on national TV. Female victims of domestic violence get sympathy from police, courts, media, and plenty of help from shelters. Male victims of domestic violence get laughed at and little or no help from police, courts, or shelters. If the men hit back, they are seen as the perpetrator. If they volunteer too quickly to leave, they lose the house and access to their children.
I didn't tape the show, but found the page for it (above)... There are 3 separate javascript slideshow segments that provide a blow by blow description of what went on and some pictures. Check out the 3 javascript links from the page above: 1.) "See the shocking home video," 2.) "How can they start to heal their family," and 3.) "What you didn't see." There are some samplings below...
Dr. Phil starts confronting Sheila on her DV just into that middle (second) section.. Dr. Phil puts the picture of Steve's bruises and cuts on the big screen TV and orders Sheila to turn around and look at it.
Quote: Part 2, Slide 2 One night Steve was passed out in bed and Sheila could smell that he had been drinking. "There was still alcohol in the bottle and I dumped it in his face, and I just started beating him with [the bottle] and then he woke up," Sheila explains. Steve was left with multiple wounds and bruises all over his body.
Dr. Phil points to a picture of Steve's battered body and addresses Sheila. "I want you to turn around and look at it. I want you to look at his face. I want you to look at his arms. I want you to look at his chest, his eye ... You understand if that bottle hits him in the temple and goes through to his brain, he could seize and die at that point?" he asks her and she says yes. "Do you get the gravity of this?"
"Yes, I do!" Sheila retorts.
"Do you want to get mad at me here?" Dr. Phil presses.
"No," she says through tears.
"Because that's your comfort zone, isn't it? To get angry," Dr. Phil explains. "And the problem is your children are picking up the tab for what the two of you are doing. They're paying the price."
Quote: Part 2, Slide 3 "I don't want you to think that I think this is OK because I don't, and that's why I'm here," Sheila defends herself.
"You think it's OK enough to do it over and over," Dr. Phil points out.
"It's not OK, and I know it's not OK," Sheila pleads. "It just happens!"
"Help starts right now," Dr. Phil tells Sheila. "You make a conscious choice to do this. You give yourself permission to do it. Don't tell me you don't know it. Don't tell me you go on auto-pilot, and fly into it." Dr. Phil points out that when Steve was passed out on the kitchen floor, she attacked him, left the room and came back and attacked him again. "This isn't in the heat of passion. It isn't in the moment. You do it across time. You go off and think about it, and you come back and attack him some more. Then you go off and attack him some more."
"I don't think about it and attack him," Sheila explains. "When I see him, I get mad, and that's when I do it!"
Quote: Part 2, Slide 4 Dr. Phil wants Steve and Sheila to understand how the drinking and rage impacts their daughters. He shows them footage of their vicious fighting while the girls look on. "You are throwing your husband to the floor. Do you see your little girl covering her ears?" he asks Sheila.
"Yes," she says. "I didn't know that at the time! I don't look around me to see where they're at ... I didn't know she was there. I didn't think to look to see if she was there."
"OK, I want you to see it now," Dr. Phil tells her.
"I see it," she replies.
Steve also admits to driving drunk with his daughters in the car. Dr. Phil says to him, "Do you understand that if I find out from her or anybody else that you're driving with those kids in the car, I will do whatever it takes to put you under the jail?" The audience applauds. "I will not allow you to subject those kids to that."
Slide 5 (go to link to look) gets into Sheila's father's alleged abuse of her mother...
Slide 6 gets into Dr. Phil's analysis of what is up with Sheila...
Quote: Part 2, Slide 6 Dr. Phil continues with Sheila. "What you were exposed to was not normal, and you couldn't punish your father for that ... I think you wanted it to stop so bad, and you have rage pent up against him. And I think you went and married somebody just like him that you could beat the s**t out of! I think that is exactly what happened," he says to her. "I don't know that I'm right, but I've got a lot of confidence in what I'm telling you. I think this is meeting a very sick need on your part. And I think you can't give it up because it is your only identity."
"I want to give it up," Sheila says.
"I think if he stopped drinking, and he got healthy, you wouldn't know what to do," Dr. Phil says to Sheila.
"I don't know if I agree with that," Sheila says, explaining, "We can fight about anything, anything! And I mean, like, really argue. And I've never, ever raised my hands to him unless he was drinking. Never, never hit him while he wasn't drinking."
"That's why I'm saying I think you married somebody that does exactly what your father did. And you're doing to him what you wish you could have done to your father," Dr. Phil clarifies. "You married a surrogate punching bag so you can vent all of that rage and anger on him. And I do believe you are afraid he will get better." Sheila has even said that she fears Steve would leave her if he cleaned up. "That's not healthy! You're doing this because you're getting a sick payoff from it."
Slides 7, 8, and 9 are mostly wind-downs... Slide 8, Dr. Phil tells them to separate while they go through therapy that he is going to set up for them.
How bout jail time for that woman just like there would be jail time for a man doing the same.?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
What happened? My wife says I have to be in bed by 7pm, so I don't get to watch Dr. Phil.
Good that you admit that you led him into violence. There are a lot of women who do the same and claim innosence when the police get involved.
All that being said, if a man is wailing on woman, no Policeman if he comes on the scene is going to look at the woman and say did you say something to piss him off, and if she says yes, says to the man well don't worry about it then, just keep doing what you're doing. The guy can do one of two things, come back swinging with choice words of his own or leave the woman.
Beating her, allowing her to break him like that, can't make a man feel good, just the opposite. That's why the day following a beating, they don't come back and say, it was all your fault, they come back and say forgive me, I won't do it again.
I know for a woman it's a lot different, but nothing anyone could say to me would force me to become physical or violent with that person. The only thing that would bring a violent reaction out of me is if I saw someone hurting a family member.
I defended myself ably, and because of that I never felt like a victim, and I never tried to blame him without first blaming myself. I paid a price, and I never whined about it. That's life according to choices made, end of story.
What happened? My wife says I have to be in bed by 7pm, so I don't get to watch Dr. Phil.http://www.drphil.com/show/show.jhtml?contentId=3157_alcoholabuse.xml There are 3 separate javascript slideshow segments that provide a blow by blow description of what went on and some pictures. Check out the 3 javascript links from the page above: 1.) "See the shocking home video," 2.) "How can they start to heal their family," and 3.) "What you didn't see."
The first 2 javascript slideshows cover all the pertinent action in the show... You have to go to the link above to get the javascript links. He basically gave them a very serious talking to. I'm wondering who in their hometown was frantically dialing Social Services after watching this.
Awhile back, Howard Stern had a contest to hire an additional temporary staff. One of the contest elements was to bring in an interesting guest. One of the contestants found this 9-11 widow, who (after benefitting from her late husband's death) had hooked up with this loser. They boasted about criminal activity and drug use - and how the woman's teenaged children would join them. A couple of callers said they knew who these people were and were calling local Social Services. Supposedly Social Services was practically waiting for them to get home. They weren't as anonymous as they thought.
LOL. That makes more sense!
AlbionGirl seems to have recognized her behavior and does not play with fire any longer. Whereas you seem to still have anger at her for what your ex did to you. You are the one needing help putting that relationship in the past.
As a woman I understand everything you've just said. Fighting back verbally against a man doesn't make you responsible for the violence he issues at you.
Our partners don't get to draw a line and tell us where we have to stop before a beating occurs, they ultimately make a choice to become violent and keep moving that 'do not cross' line to make excuses for their behavior.
I'm not saying he had any right to lay a finger on me, I'm just saying he wasn't the only guilty party."
If you could sell your wisdom you'd be a very rich woman
Thanks for the kind words. Nice user name, btw and pretty good tagline.
Bump to your thoughts.
Not sure about all of this psychoanalysis BS, but if I caught someone driving my kids around while drunk, I would beat the crap out of them too.
Appreciate the aid and comfort, texasflower.
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