Posted on 05/21/2005 6:26:56 AM PDT by TerryGale
Dr. Phil exposed a female DV perp 5/19/05. It's rare for people to admit that women commit their share (if not more) of domestic violence - and even rarer to have live video of female perpetrated DV aired on national TV. Female victims of domestic violence get sympathy from police, courts, media, and plenty of help from shelters. Male victims of domestic violence get laughed at and little or no help from police, courts, or shelters. If the men hit back, they are seen as the perpetrator. If they volunteer too quickly to leave, they lose the house and access to their children.
I didn't tape the show, but found the page for it (above)... There are 3 separate javascript slideshow segments that provide a blow by blow description of what went on and some pictures. Check out the 3 javascript links from the page above: 1.) "See the shocking home video," 2.) "How can they start to heal their family," and 3.) "What you didn't see." There are some samplings below...
Dr. Phil starts confronting Sheila on her DV just into that middle (second) section.. Dr. Phil puts the picture of Steve's bruises and cuts on the big screen TV and orders Sheila to turn around and look at it.
Quote: Part 2, Slide 2 One night Steve was passed out in bed and Sheila could smell that he had been drinking. "There was still alcohol in the bottle and I dumped it in his face, and I just started beating him with [the bottle] and then he woke up," Sheila explains. Steve was left with multiple wounds and bruises all over his body.
Dr. Phil points to a picture of Steve's battered body and addresses Sheila. "I want you to turn around and look at it. I want you to look at his face. I want you to look at his arms. I want you to look at his chest, his eye ... You understand if that bottle hits him in the temple and goes through to his brain, he could seize and die at that point?" he asks her and she says yes. "Do you get the gravity of this?"
"Yes, I do!" Sheila retorts.
"Do you want to get mad at me here?" Dr. Phil presses.
"No," she says through tears.
"Because that's your comfort zone, isn't it? To get angry," Dr. Phil explains. "And the problem is your children are picking up the tab for what the two of you are doing. They're paying the price."
Quote: Part 2, Slide 3 "I don't want you to think that I think this is OK because I don't, and that's why I'm here," Sheila defends herself.
"You think it's OK enough to do it over and over," Dr. Phil points out.
"It's not OK, and I know it's not OK," Sheila pleads. "It just happens!"
"Help starts right now," Dr. Phil tells Sheila. "You make a conscious choice to do this. You give yourself permission to do it. Don't tell me you don't know it. Don't tell me you go on auto-pilot, and fly into it." Dr. Phil points out that when Steve was passed out on the kitchen floor, she attacked him, left the room and came back and attacked him again. "This isn't in the heat of passion. It isn't in the moment. You do it across time. You go off and think about it, and you come back and attack him some more. Then you go off and attack him some more."
"I don't think about it and attack him," Sheila explains. "When I see him, I get mad, and that's when I do it!"
Quote: Part 2, Slide 4 Dr. Phil wants Steve and Sheila to understand how the drinking and rage impacts their daughters. He shows them footage of their vicious fighting while the girls look on. "You are throwing your husband to the floor. Do you see your little girl covering her ears?" he asks Sheila.
"Yes," she says. "I didn't know that at the time! I don't look around me to see where they're at ... I didn't know she was there. I didn't think to look to see if she was there."
"OK, I want you to see it now," Dr. Phil tells her.
"I see it," she replies.
Steve also admits to driving drunk with his daughters in the car. Dr. Phil says to him, "Do you understand that if I find out from her or anybody else that you're driving with those kids in the car, I will do whatever it takes to put you under the jail?" The audience applauds. "I will not allow you to subject those kids to that."
Slide 5 (go to link to look) gets into Sheila's father's alleged abuse of her mother...
Slide 6 gets into Dr. Phil's analysis of what is up with Sheila...
Quote: Part 2, Slide 6 Dr. Phil continues with Sheila. "What you were exposed to was not normal, and you couldn't punish your father for that ... I think you wanted it to stop so bad, and you have rage pent up against him. And I think you went and married somebody just like him that you could beat the s**t out of! I think that is exactly what happened," he says to her. "I don't know that I'm right, but I've got a lot of confidence in what I'm telling you. I think this is meeting a very sick need on your part. And I think you can't give it up because it is your only identity."
"I want to give it up," Sheila says.
"I think if he stopped drinking, and he got healthy, you wouldn't know what to do," Dr. Phil says to Sheila.
"I don't know if I agree with that," Sheila says, explaining, "We can fight about anything, anything! And I mean, like, really argue. And I've never, ever raised my hands to him unless he was drinking. Never, never hit him while he wasn't drinking."
"That's why I'm saying I think you married somebody that does exactly what your father did. And you're doing to him what you wish you could have done to your father," Dr. Phil clarifies. "You married a surrogate punching bag so you can vent all of that rage and anger on him. And I do believe you are afraid he will get better." Sheila has even said that she fears Steve would leave her if he cleaned up. "That's not healthy! You're doing this because you're getting a sick payoff from it."
Slides 7, 8, and 9 are mostly wind-downs... Slide 8, Dr. Phil tells them to separate while they go through therapy that he is going to set up for them.
If a feller can't protect himself from female abuse, then he deserves it, IMO.
"If a feller can't protect himself from female abuse, then he deserves it, IMO."
That loser indeed deserves the flighty dingbat!
He deserves her, and all that she can steal, if he keeps her.
Often if the man defends himself, he will be jailed for assaulting the "poor, helpless little" woman.
All Domestic violence is bad. We have to realize it. It is psychologically based most of the time. It is programmed into the perpetrators, and the victims cant find their way out of a box. It is sad.
I'd rather be jailed than scratched and clawed and on Dr. Phil for universal ridicule.
I don’t care for jail. I also don’t care to be used as a punching bag. Guess I’m lucky to have been able to avoid both.
My late wife tried to punch me out one time – just to show her girlfriends that she could do it. Every time she threw a punch I dodged. Eventually she tired out.
Maybe there's something about him we don't know...?
Yet, if I'm going to be honest with myself, I have to admit I flirted with that part of his nature. I would say the most outrageous things to him, to wound him. That of course led to a snap, and that's when everything would start to come undone.
The disgust he had for himself after he snapped made him come crawling. There was a kind of power in that; in being able to get him to snap.
Had he been a real man, he would have said 'see you later.' 'call me when you grow-up', but he was young himself.
I can honestly say, that I hold no hard-feelings toward him, because I've accepted responsibility for my role in things.
I'm not saying he had any right to lay a finger on me, I'm just saying he wasn't the only guilty party.
"I'd be surprised if he went through with it(marriage)that chick really is damaged goods."I suspect he is(damaged goods)as well.I believe they've lived together for a couple years?He should know what he's getting into.Misery loves company.Happens all the time.The kids pay the price.
Like to see guy's snap?Years ago,I had a live in girlfriend just like you.Would get right in my face and call me every name in the book.Trying to get me to "snap".Kicked her sorry @ss out before i lost it.Apparently she proceeded to play same game with her next boyfriend/room mate,and he kicked the livin $hit out of her.Have a nice day:)
I never got in his face, didn't have to. Always had a very good vocabulary, always could tell where the soft spot was in people. Always hit it dead center, even with other females who would try to impress their worldview on me, so it wasn't strictly a guy thing.
And, like I said, he should have said hit the bricks, and told me he didn't need the worthless grief. That I wasn't anywhere near worth it. But he was weak. He was quite a bit smarter than me too, but it didn't matter, because he was so weak.
He didn't go on to beat anyone else up, as far as I understand it, but he's still as weak as he ever was.
I do feel bad about hurting him, but I figure w/the broken ear drum and slighly indented lower leg, we're even.
And, by the way, you have a nice day too.
Some very informative/insightfull lines in your post."Always could tell where the soft spot was." "Always hit it dead center,even with other females."Re-read your post.You need help.
I don't know if you need help, but you seem unnerved.
That is sooooooo insensititive.................But you're right. ;-)
"I did not repeat the behavior."Are you being honest?I'll bet it(anti-social behavior)continues to this day.Am i "unnerved"?I gotta admit somethin.Every once in a while i see a post from some buffon that is just sooo assinine,i have to comment,and i'm about 90%sure i'll get a response.I can't help it!Luv ya Babe:)
A lot of female inflicted domestic violence is lesbian.
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