Lots of Freepers Are Dumber Than a Box of Hair (can you folks help me on this?)

March 23, 2005 | JohnRobertson

[John Robertson]

Fat chicks with big hair stand out like an elephant at a flamingo farm.

I didn't know that till I read it here. I read this here, too, in response to someone who was making too fine a point on something: My, my, picking pepper out of flyshit, aren't we?

What are the coolest expressions you know? The greatest folksy putdowns? The wish-I'd'a-said-that comebacks. The most colorful damned American ways of saying things?

Care to share? I would very much like to liven up my smartmouth. Thank you, folks.

And for those of you who got nothin'...please refer back to the title. Just kidding: I heard that on FR too.

[MilspecRob]

Having to go back to 1st grade, I remember a song about "Old Dan Tucker" combing his hair with a wagon wheel. He was a mountain man that "died with a toothache in his heel"

[gardengirl]

My MIL always says " Wish in one hand, spit in the other and see which one fills up faster." Wanting something you can't have :)

[John Robertson]

That's a classic, thanks.

Puts me in mind of what is supposed to be "Polish proverb": Wish for nothing, and you will never be disappointed.

[NativeSon]

I owe these gems to freeper C0y0Te.

He had a car, thing "ran like a raped ape"

and there's "I don't give a flyin' F*** through a rollin' donut"

[Twinkie]

that's good, too. i can't capitalize because i'm typing with one hand and eating lunch with the other. excuse please.

[DeFault User]

I forget the source of this one, perhaps a tv sitcom.

When asked out by a man she doesn't like, the woman replies, "I'm sorry, I don't date outside my species."

[lugsoul]

You whipped that post out faster than a greasy rattlesnake going downhill on an icy road with the wind behind him.

[agrace]

You look like you typed that post with a wag---wait, that doesn't work.

You should do what I do. Get a desk that has a retractable keyboard tray. Get a wireless keyboard. Move keyboard to desk above tray. Place food (in my case, right now it's homemade broc cheddar soup and lebanon balogna - another PA thing! - rolled up in a low carb tortilla) on keyboard tray. If you need to type, put food down and raise hands to keyboard on desk.

:)

[John Robertson]

it's homemade broc cheddar soup and lebanon balogna

triglyceride alert!