Viagra Makes Flowers Stand up Straight

Viagra (sildenafil citrate) is good not only for treating male impotence. Israeli and Australian researchers have discovered that small concentrations of the drug dissolved in a vase of water can also double the shelf life of cut flowers, making them stand up straight for as long as a week beyond their natural life span.

They have already tested Viagra on strawberries, legumes, roses, carnations, broccoli, and other perishables. In this latest research they found that 1 mg of the drug (compared with 50 mg in one pill taken by impotent men) in a solution was enough to prevent two vases of cut flowers from wilting for as much as a week longer than might be expected.

Professor Yaacov Leshem, a plant researcher at Bar-Ilan University in Ramat Gan, Israel, and Professor Ron Wills of the food technology department of the University of Newcastle, Australia, also patented a safe, cheap process for increasing the shelf life of fruit, vegetables, and cut flowers using nitric oxide. The produce and cut flowers were fumigated with the colourless, odourless gas, an environmental pollutant that in minute quantifies acts as the body's most important signalling molecule.

The results of the applied research on nitric oxide were first fully reported in late 1998 in Plant Physiology and Biochemistry and have since been the topic of discussion at international conferences of the food storage and packaging industry. Professor Leshem will present his discovery at the opening plenary session of the September 1999 international conference on flesh cut produce in England.

An unexpected finding of Professor Leshem's group is that Viagra has a similar effect on plant ripening as it does on men's sexual organs. Viagra increases the vase life of flowers by retarding the breakdown of cyclic guanosine monophosphate (cGMP) (the production of which is mediated by nitric oxide).

Both chemicals could provide the food industry with entirely new, dramatically improved processes for preserving agricultural produce, Professor Leshem said.

"Nitric oxide is practically free and plentiful, with no identifiable side effects at the very low concentrations we used," he added. "Right now, Viagra costs much more but does have certain advantages over nitric oxide-for example, it's easier to use in cut flowers.

"It is now up to industry to develop the engineering methods for large scale, pretreatment of produce based on our discoveries."

Did you hear the Camille West song about a truck filled with Viagra crashing into a town's water supply?

Just outside of Johnson City on a dark and twisting road
In a Kenworth 18-wheeler with a heavy, shifting load
He was pushing through to Binghamton though the hour was getting late
Pfyzer’s finest on a mission to the pharmacies upstate
He was on a holy mission, there were men who couldn’t wait
(for his twenty thousand pounds of Viagra®)

He’d clocked seven hundred miles cince he climbed into the rig
Just another twenty five or so would finish up that gig
But the trailer hit an oil slick and down the hill did fly
‘til it landed at the bottom in the town’s water supply
It was instant rigor mortis,what a hard way to die

Chorus:

Save your sons, shield your daughters
There’s Viagra in the waters

All over Johnson City people rising with the dawn
They drank their morning coffee, took their showers, watered lawns
And who could have predicted all the changes up ahead?
Men were getting up for work, and heading back to bed
So many called in sick, you would have thought a virus spread

Down at the courthouse coffee shop some stared in disbelief
As a pack of thirsty lawyers started filling out their briefs
But at the local college young men appeared much smarter
No chromosomal mystery they simply studied harder
Now water on the rocks is the latest party starter

Chorus

Dr. Baker in geriatrics had to make it into town
Through the traffic at the drawbridge where the gates would not come down
And something told him he had found The fountain of youth
When a gaggle of old geezers grabbed his secretary Ruth
Yes the old men at the nursing home grew long in more than tooth

Chorus

The Johnson City firemen cursed their wretched luck
They could not get their fire hoses wound back on the truck
Sprinkling holy water at a funeral, Father Ryan said
"I know I’ve saved their souls, but I’ve never raised the dead.
Would a couple strong men help me now to close the casket lid?"

Chorus

Old man Weisberg took the shower of his life
Then he marched into the kitchen and he called out to his wife
She knew something was up as he stood naked at the table
Holding two cups of coffee and half a dozen bagels
It had been at least a decade since the last time he was able

Chorus

Believers seeking miracles, the pilgrims came in hordes
The waters of Viagragrew more popular than Lourdes
The clergy quoted scripture but they found it hard to sell
That those who chose to be anointed were pointed straight to hell
Despite the dire warnings the crowds began to swell

Some hardened politicians came into town one day
With their permits and their pipelines pumped the waters all away
From the heart of Johnson City rose the mournful cry of men
But the women knew another truck was coming through again
Don’t worry—there’s a truck next week, We’ll spread the oil again

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