Posted on 12/11/2004 5:37:20 AM PST by RobFromGa
To Any Person Who Suspects They May Have a Drinking Problem,
I have written this to describe my experiences of the past 14 months as I have worked to resolve my drinking problem. Everyone is different and I do not propose to be an expert on this topic, but I have my own personal experience and I am sharing it in the hope that it might help someone else to solve this problem and change their life.
I have now been sober for 14 months without a drop of alcohol. This is not a long time as compared to over 25 years of heavy drinking, but I also know something else: I am totally confident that I will never drink again.
In that 14 months I have made it through two football tailgating seasons, over a hundred business lunches and dinners, numerous trips to Germany where beer flows like water, parties, picnics, Super Bowls, a Caribbean cruise, several family vacations, ups and down in life, etc. All things that I thought required alcohol.
Fortunately, I did not have some event that caused me to hit rock bottom. (I could have had many rock bottoms but I was lucky). Some people need to lose their job, lose their family, kill or seriously injure someone in a car accident, end up in prison, or many other horrible things that alcohol (or drugs) can cause in order to gather the will to quit. Some people think that bottom is the only thing that can make a drinker quit for good. I have met many people who proved to me that this is false, you can make such a decision without going through the horrors. But in some ways it is tougher to take the first step.
In every other way, it is much easier to skip the rock bottom step and I hope that this letter helps at least one other person to avoid the lost job, lost marriage or prison route to sobriety.
Last October, I made a firm decision to quit and I followed through on that commitment. But I wouldnt be honest if I didnt admit that I had similarly tried to control my drinking or quit at least 100 times before.
Why was I able to quit this time as compared with the previous 100 attempts? This is a very good question. The only answer I have come up with as to is that this time I was really ready to quit for myself alone. I was truly 100% sick and tired of the way alcohol affected me and I wanted a different life. All the other times I was, in some way, not really ready to control my drinking. The bottle was still in charge. I tried many tactics: Id only drink on weekends, only drink after 5pm, only drink at parties (almost anything can become a party in such a plan), only drink beer, only drink wine, only drink hard liquor, only drink things I didnt like the taste of (I know it sounds nuts but I was nuts), only drink every other week, quit for a day, quit for a weekend, quit for a week, quit for this vacation or event. I tried every way to quit in the world to stop drinking except the way that eventually worked for me.
If you are reading this and you know someone that has a drinking problem and you want to help them, you must understand that you are at a severe disadvantage. This is a condition of the mind more than a condition of the body and it is nearly impossible to bring another person to a mental place where they can admit that alcohol is causing more pain in their life than the pleasure it brings. Because a drinker can hardly imagine life without alcohol. It is with us at many points of our thinking and decision making process. We make plans around alcohol and drinking, not all of the time but enough.
If this does not sound like you at this point but you still think you might have a problem, I am not going to tell you that you are OK with your drinking, I will only say that you dont have the same problem that I was facing so my experience may be of little value to you. I do know people who can go for long periods with nothing at all, then they binge and drink to pass out. This is obviously a problem, but not the problem that I have experience with. For 25 years I drank to excess. I often did not get "drunk" but I was always under the influence. For many of those years I drank daily, sometimes starting at 6am and going till 2am the next night. I am not proud of this but it is the truth.
As a problem drinker, you probably associate most of the fun you have in life with alcohol in some portion and are worried that without alcohol you will become a dull, bored person with no joy in life. You probably think that there are some things where you will always have to drink to enjoy. I know I worried about that, and I can assure you it is false. You will enjoy life more when you quit, at least that has been my experience. Even that Caribbean cruise and college football tailgating.
I first started drinking in High School. I dont feel that it is necessary to recount the whole story but I drank to blackout on a number of incidences. Other times I just got really drunk and did stupid things that put my life at risk. I drove many times when I had no business on the road, and it would not have taken much to have had a series of events happen that would have changed my life for the worse. In college, I made good grades at a top Engineering school, while drinking heavily. It was a joke that I would study with a bottle of Jim Beam next to my desk.
As I got into the business world, and specifically into sales, drinking is a daily part of business life. At least thats what a drinker thinks. And for people who do not have a problem controlling it, drinking is a wonderful part of life. The occasional party or business dinner and a few social drinks to move the business forward are great. But I was never able to do thatfor me it was five, ten, fifteen drinks. Into the late hours, with not enough sleep, feeling like crap the next morning when I should have been at my best. Then repeating the same behavior each night. And I was very successful, and I thought drinking was part of the success.
I rationalized that with my talent, the drinking was part of who I am, and that even at 50% I was still more capable than most others so it wasnt necessary to control myself.
I know this is getting long so Ill get to the point: One Friday last October I was driving down the road. I hadnt had a drink in two days and was in one of my quit drinking the rest of the week attempts. Rush Limbaugh announced that he was going to a Rehab Center for his drug addiction to resolve his problem. This for some reason got through to me. I called two people that I am close with and told them that I was not going to drink one drop of alcohol until Rush came out of treatment. (Telling these people I had made this decision helped me).
I told myself that after thirty days, I would decide whether I would drink again in a more controlled manner or stop completely. I did not have the luxury of taking the time off from work to enter treatment, but since Rush was going in, he was in there for both of us.
I did not attend AA (although I will talk about AA later) but I was clearly at the first step of their program. It is a very simple concept:
I admitted that I had a drinking problem and that I wanted to do something about it. I can tell you that if you are really at that point then you can fix yourself. If you are not at that step, then there is nothing that anyone can do to help you and I hope that you stay alive, and intact until you reach that point.
After about a week of sobriety, I stopped thinking about alcohol very much. I threw myself into work and tried to start losing weight as well. By the second week I made the decision: I WILL NEVER DRINK AGAIN and I wrote that in my journal. I recognized that a bottle of booze is an inanimate object that is simply poison to me and that it cannot force itself into my body. I have the control over whether I use my arms to bring the poison to my lips. And I choose not to allow that to happen ever again.
I have noticed that there is an inner voice that I have (he stays fairly silent now) that in the beginning used to put thoughts in my mind like: surely you can just have one, youve been good, its a beautiful Fall Day, surely you could just do the social drink, youre in the Caribbean for Gods sakes, shouldnt you at least have one Margarita to celebrate your sobriety. When my mind lets the inner voice talk, I quickly reassert control and think about the serenity that I have found since I quit drinking.
I need to stop writing now, the family is waking up, but I will write another letter tomorrow morning which describes these 14 months and what other tactics I have used in my sobriety.
I hope that this helps at least one other soul out there. Feel free to post questions or suggestions.
FReegards, RobFromGa
Keep up the great work. How do you feel?
FReegards,
RobFromGa
I'm glad it's finally resolved, now I can concentrate on other matters. Like getting off this darn tobacco.
I'm happy for you. It sounds like a good move for your continued good spiritual health, RobFromGa
Sometimes children are more aware of what is happening around them then we parents realize.
I absolutely agree. My daughter is 7 now and is aware the effects of his drinking. She knows she can't stay the night over at his apartment. She knows she isn't his first priority...if a skirt calls or comes along, my daughter is lowered on the ladder. She is more capable of making "informed" decisions...using 7 year old logic, than he is.
It's also had an impact I wasn't prepared for. She doesn't have the fantasy like most little girls do of getting married and having a family. She wants it to be her and me forever. She says it's because I'm the only one she completely trusts to take care of her. I hope it's something, that as she matures, she won't let that fear and mistrust guide her away from what she really wants.
I was only married for a short time, about 3 years. I left about 7 days after my daughter blamed me for something I had nothing to do with...her working on a puzzle. It was my fault she couldn't get the piece in the puzzle. She sounded just like her dad. The irresponsibility he had for everything (work, life, family) and his attentiveness to beer was forming negatives attitudes with her. I couldn't bear it and I left a few days later. We moved in with my parents so I could finish college and now I'm teaching. That's what I hope she gets out of it. None of us are living in perfect circumstances, but life it what you make of it. Take responsibility and do better.
That's wonderful for your son to have made a conscious decision like that for his sake and his son's. Hopefully that's the beginning of the end of the cycle. The first step is always the hardest and the scariest. God bless your son. My brother is unable to make that decision for his sons yet. I don't know that he ever will. After 20 years of the army and drinking all the way through, he's having pancreatic problems...attributed to drinking.
Thank You, Merry Christmas to you and yours.
Actually, I feel great! I guess I am extremely fortunate to be nipping this thing in the bud before it got completely crazy and out of hand. The first two days, I craved donuts--the sugar thing. But then I read up on nutrition, etc., and cut out my refined sugars and started taking vitamins, and that really helped. The best thing? NO MORE WAKING UP FEELING LIKE CRAP!
Keep on keepin' on, Rob!!
That is definitely one of the major benefits! It is really good to hear that you are doing well!
RobFromGa
How is everyone doing???? This has been a very nice thread, lots of care, concern and truth. Freepers a great people!
Just got off work, snooping through FR before going to bed.
How's that new Grandbaby?????
Aren't they, though? I've been saying that for ever.
I've never had it so good, and that's no lie. Thanks for asking.
This topic needs a new thread.
Please BUMP!
It all depends on how you define "heavy drinking".
I am doing very well today, thanks for asking. And you?
....I feel great, but, I should get off this computer and finish my CHRISTMAS CARDS!
Glad to hear you feel great. I put my Christmas cards in the mail already. YEAH! I just arrived at work, freep time, for me. Have a Spectacular Day my FRiend.
Holiday Tips -- Take Care of Yourself First!
Sorry, I don't have much luck linking!
You mean this one? Share Tips About Dealing with the Holidays
THAT'S IT!
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