Hilarious Tpyos

Unknown | Richard Lederer

[Taka No Kimi]

8500 Pound Power Wench

-"An in-debt discussion of the new tax laws is available by using the order blank in the tax return package or by calling 1-800-424-3676."

-"Gordie Jefferson celebrated his birthday last week with a party for eight little fiends."

-"A catafalque is a coffin draped in black crap."

-"He received his graduate degree in unclear physics."

-"And during the current fiscal year, Kinney plans to increase the number of uninformed sergeants by 14, making a total of 42."

-"The commander had a firm but genital hold on his men."

-"The conference's attitude was indicated by the almost total lack of applause after Mr. Wilson's 30-minute speech while Engineering Union leader Bryan Stanley was greeted with sustained crapping when he put the anti-common market case."

-"Catholic nuns of the Mission of Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, with a television success behind them and Mother Superior Carlotta at the guitar, are bidding here for fame and fortune in the pope charts."

-"Enjoy our breathtaking view of the Atlantic Ocean which is eliminated by our special lighting at night."

-"Playboy Enterprises estimates that removing ornamental pants from its offices will save $27,000 a year."

-"It is said that there are more golf curses per square mile in North Carolina than anywhere else in the world."

-"Busy lawyer seeks alert young woman to serve as deceptionist."

-"Successful widower, aged 44, usual trappings, nonsmoker with varied interests, seeks affectionate female to shave the enjoyable things in life."

-"Feeling tired and lustless?"

-"Hot males delivered to your home in minutes."

-"The welcoming reception for all delegates will begin at 8 p.m. Hors d'oeuvres and drinks will be served. Souses are welcome."

-"She says she wants this store and all others selling pornography barred because such material is contrary to Judo-Christian values."

-"Found: One white rabbi with brown ears. Found hopping down 3rd avenue."

-In front of a Dearborn, Michigan church: "Millions long for immorality and don't know what to do on a rainy day."

-"Throughout the day there will be hands-on craft sexhibits and entertainment at various locations around the State House."

-"Happy Valley Kennel Club held their September meeting at Scuffey's Restaurant in Plattsburg. Several members exhibited their dongs at the Stanley Kennel Club A Match."

-"Fed Up With High Heating Bills? Will McBain Complete Hating Specialists"

-"FOR SALE: 8500 Pound Power Wench and a queen size waterbed."

-"Jason Thompson, who had four RBIs in August, four in September and one homer since July 26, smashed a blast off a poet high in the upper deck for his grand slam."

-"Senator George McGovern of South Dakota, also campaigning for the primary, appealed for the votes of blue-colored workers in Milwaukee."

-"Alexander Hamilton was George Washington's closet companion."

-"David Cone's one-hitter was all but overshadowed by his rookie teammate'shitting."

-"He is a charismatic speaker and a major farce in politics."

-"Texatron is to get 1,500,000 via the Northern Ireland Office to keep the textiles and carpet yarn factory open for another seven moths."

-"The award, $5,000 and a plague, is presented each year to a scientist or engineer for scientific achievement and for contributions to the advancement of knowledge."

-"Debris from the collapse of the Harbor Freeway bride caused a huge traffic jam about 10 miles south of downtown Los Angeles."

-"From September 17. The Fabulous New Production of OKLAHOMO!"

-"ON THIS DATE: In 1870 Ada H. Kepley of Effingham, Illinois, became America's first female."

-"EXTERMINATING: We are trained to kill all pets."

-"Porpoises converse in complicated patterns of whistles, clivkd,sdsvsn mimiu dpokra lsnushrd."

[Mo1]

PING

[hole_n_one]

[Ichneumon]

Er, did you *mean* to misspell the subject line?

[codyjacksmom]

Funny ping....

[Ditter]

Thanks so much for posting this. I haven't laughed so hard in a long time.

[Taka No Kimi]

Yes, I ddi atcualy.

[Taka No Kimi]

Thanks, I enjoyed it.

[Taka No Kimi]

[raccoonradio]

There's a bunch of these type of things in Jay Leno's "Headlines" segment and I have a book of excerpts from that. Also, National Lampoon's "True Facts" section has some books collecting some funny but true bits, including the "missing letters" (from signs) department:

COLON(Y) CLEANERS
(M)ASS DEPT OF REVENUE
MARC'S BI(G) BOY COFFEE SHOP
G(R)EEK VILLAGE
PAIN(T) 10 TO 50 PER CENT OFF
GOODWIVES (S)HOPPING


And there's one I can't really post directly as it appears but it's for a fast food restaurant and I'll leave you to
figure out what letter someone "stole":
NOW HIRING ALL SHIFTS --BE PART OF OUR TEAM
(hint) letter was taken from fourth word)

And then there was PENNI'S MARKET in Marblehead, MA.
For some reason, everyone kept taking one of the "N's"
from the name...
On a motel: HOT? COME TAKE A SWIM IN OUR POO(L)

[Ichneumon]

COLON(Y) CLEANERS

One time I was driving across Indiana at night, in the middle of farm country, and miles ahead I could see one of those gigantic gas station signs that stands about 100 feet in the air, with each letter of the name a separate unit, intended to be seen from a huge distance.

The only problem was that this one was a "SHELL" sign, and the "S" was burnt out. So in the pitch dark, I found myself driving for nearly 20 minutes towards a monstrous red-and-orange sign proclaiming, "HELL".

[Big Giant Head]

-"Happy Valley Kennel Club held their September meeting at Scuffey's Restaurant in Plattsburg. Several members exhibited their dongs at the Stanley Kennel Club A Match." Ping

[ScottFromSpokane]

I always doubt these things are real.

I always used to like those Kermit Schafer blooper books until I read one that I knew for a fact wasn't true.

After that, I always assume these things are made up unless they include an actual citation--and I don't always believe them even then.

[Big Giant Head]

While driving through PA once, I saw a LARGE crane. The sign on it said:

Adam's Steel Erection

[Scott from the Left Coast]

When I was in college, the varsity bowling team did a fund raiser that was an all-you-can-eat spaghetti feed. They advertised it in the university student newspaper like this:

Varsity Blowing Team -- all you can eat spaghetti feed $3.

[martin_fierro]

Tijunna customes stuned my beeber.

[ErnBatavia]

Not a tpyo, but funny....

[exDemMom]

Thanks, those were really funny.

Not a typo, but I did see road signs once:

<---Clinton...................Prosperity--->