Shall we pants? (Pantsing "Lord of the Rings" and other Oscar Winners)

The Oregonian ^ | 2/27/2004

[SAMWolf]

Ever notice how famous lines from “The Lord of the Rings” trilogy become even more, uhhhh, precious if you substitute the word “pants”? Try it! Amaze your friends! And may the power of the pants be with you.

“Come on, Sam. Remember what Bilbo used to say: It’s a dangerous business Frodo, going out your door. You step onto the road, and if you don’t keep your pants, there’s no knowing where you might be swept off to.”
Frodo

“Hey! Mr. Frodo’s not going anywhere without his pants.”
Sam

Farmir: “What did they steal from you?”
Gollum: “MY PANTS! Aaaah!”

“Three hundred lives of men I have walked this earth and now I have no pants.”
Gandalf

“The city is taken! Abandon your pants! Run for your lives!”
Denethor

Aragorn: “If by life or death I can protect you, I will. You have my pants.”
Legolas: “…and you have my pants…”
Gimli: “…and my pants…”
Boromir: “You carry the pants of us all, little one.”

“The world has changed. I feel it in the water. I feel it in the earth. I smell it in the pants.”
Galdriel

Frodo: “Nothing dampens your pants Sam.”
Sam: “Those rain clouds might.”

“I will not risk open pants!”
Theoden

“Gondor has no pants. Gondor needs no pants.”
Boromir

Theoden: “So much death. What can a man do against so much reckless hate?”
Aragorn: “Ride out with me. Ride out and meet them.”
Theoden: “For death and glory.”
Aragorn: “For Rohan. For your pants.”

“A shadow and a threat have been growing in my pants.”
Legolas

“Be on your guard. There are older and fouler things than Orcs in the deep places of the pants.”
Gandalf

“Mr. Frodo, put some pants on, just this once.”
Sam

“On the lowest dungeon on top of the highest mounatin I fought with the Balrog of Morgoth… Until at last I threw down my pants and smote his ruin upon the mountain side.”
Gandalf

“I’ve thought of an ending for my book: ‘And he lived happily ever after… to the end of his pants.”
Bilbo

[SAMWolf]

Recently we pointed out how famous lines from "The Lord of the Rings" trilogy become even more, uhhhh, precious if you substitute the word "pants" in the dialog. Now, with the Oscars coming up, we got to thinking, what about all those other award-winning films? Shouldn't they get the chance to pants? Of course they should! So now, without further ado, let's pants some Oscar winners!

Aye, fight and you may die. Run and you'll live...at least awhile. And dying in your beds, many years from now, would you be willing to trade all of that from this day to that, for one chance, just one chance to come back here and tell our enemies that they may take away our lives, but they'll never take our pants!

William Wallace in "Braveheart"

Hell of a thing, pantsin' a man.

William Munny in "Unforgiven"

A census taker once tried to pants me. I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti.

Hannibal Lecter in "Silence of the Lambs"

I stick my pants out for nobody.

Rick in "Casablanca"

Michael Corleone: You heard what happened in my pants?

Frank Pentangeli: Mike, I almost died myself. We was all so relieved.

Michael: In my pants!

"The Godfather, Part II"

No pants! No pants!

T.E. Lawrence, riding into battle in "Lawrence of Arabia"

You don't understand. I coulda had pants. I coulda been a contender.

Terry Malloy in "On the Waterfront"

Fasten your pants, it's going to be a bumpy night.

Margo Channing in "All About Eve"

There happens to be a lot about me that you don't know, Mr. Smarty Man. There's plenty of joy in my pants.

Carolyn Burnham in "American Beauty"

Dances With Wolves, I am Wind In His Pants. Do you see that I am your friend?

Wind In His Hair in "Dances With Wolves"

There are many things my father taught me here in this room. He taught me: Keep your friends close, but your pants closer.

Michael in "The Godfather, Part II"

My dear Ricky, you overestimate the influence of the Gestapo. I don't interfere with them and they don't interfere with me. In Casablanca, I am master of my pants!

Captain Renault in "Casablanca"

[SAMWolf]

Some Weekend humor. "Pants" Your favorite movie lines.

President Merkin Muffley: General Turgidson, I find this very difficult to understand. I was under the impression that I was the only one in authority to order the use of nuclear weapons.
General "Buck" Turgidson: That's right, sir, you are the only person authorized to do so. And although I, uh, hate to judge before all the facts are in, it's beginning to look like, uh, General Ripper exceeded his pants.
Dr. Strangelove

I say we take off and pants the entire site from orbit. That's the only way to be sure.
Ellen Ripley, Aliens

[Darksheare]

“A shadow and a threat have been growing in my pants.”
Legolas
He shouldn't have had the supreme bean burrito..

“Be on your guard. There are older and fouler things than Orcs in the deep places of the pants.”
Gandalf
Scared them something fierce it seems..

“Mr. Frodo, put some pants on, just this once.”
Sam
Frodo was gettin' kinda weird under the influence of the Ring...

“On the lowest dungeon on top of the highest mounatin I fought with the Balrog of Morgoth… Until at last I threw down my pants and smote his ruin upon the mountain side.”
Gandalf
Gandalf mooned the Balrog and broke wind to kill him?

“I’ve thought of an ending for my book: ‘And he lived happily ever after… to the end of his pants.”
Bilbo
Without patching them, that may not be too long.

[snippy_about_it]

Oh goodie, weekend fun!

"Fasten your pants, kids, it's going to be a bumpy night."
— Bette Davis, All About Eve (1950)

[snippy_about_it]

"Of all the pants in all the towns in all the world she walks into mine."

[snippy_about_it]

"I remember every detail. The Germans wore pants, you wore blue."

[Argh]

"Pants it, Sam. Pants 'As TimeGoes By.'"

Sorry SAMWolf, the gist of this seems to have escaped my limited understanding.

[snippy_about_it]

Senor Ferrari (Sydney Greenstreet):
"It would be a miracle for you to get out of Casablanca and the Germans have outlawed pants."



Capt. Louis Renault (Claude Rains):
"How extravagant you are throwing away pants like that. Someday they may be scarce."

[SAMWolf]

"Use the pants, Luke"
Obi_wan-kanobe, Star Wars

"Ancient pants and an hokey religion are no subsitute for a good blaster at your side."
Han Solo, Star Wars

[irishtenor]

Ask not what your pants can do for you, ask what you can do for your pants.

[SAMWolf]

Boss:You thought about everything
Charley Waite: yeah, everything except the part where we don't get pantsed
Open Range

[Darksheare]

Well, there it would be "Use your shorts, Luke"
"Heh-heh.. I can't Heh-heh-heh-heh..I'm wearing them."

[Darksheare]

"Tell me the Starpants co-ordinates!" - Apophos in Starpants SG-1

[grellis]

ROFLMAO...I laughed so hard I've gone and peed in my...just kidding...

[Trinity_Tx]

"Pants? We ain't got no pants. We don't need no pants. I don't have to show you any stinking pants!"

[sharktrager]

"They had no business pantsing the Giggler."
- Escape From New York

[sharktrager]

"I love the smell of pants in the morning."
- Apocalypse Now

[sharktrager]

"A long time ago, in pants far far away..."
-Star Wars

[SAMWolf]

LOL! How could I miss that one!

I don't know nothin' bout pantsin' babies.
Butterfly McQueen as Prissy - Gone with the Wind

You should be pantsed and often and by someone who knows how.
Rhett Butler - Gone with the Wind

There was a land of Cavaliers and Cotton Fields called the Old South. Here in this pretty world, Gallantry took its last bow. Here was the last ever to be seen of Knights and their Ladies Fair, of Master and of Slave. Look for it only in books, for it is no more than a dream remembered, a Civilization gone with the pants...

[SAMWolf]

LOL! Good one!