Worst Christmas Gifts Ever

[shotgun]

Okay Freepers, it is that time of year when we start wondering what we are going to get from Santa, and of course we are forced to remember the ghosts of Christmas' presents past.

Can anyone beat a USED snow shovel? Hmmmmm

[small_l_libertarian]

No, they were not tears of joy.

Here are the relevant parts...

Boyfriend
Christmas
Plastic
Jar-Jar Binks

No joy in Christmasville.

[husky ed]

My Ex-InLaw's gave me a subscription to Playboy for the first Christmas.
Wait, that was very useful as it turned out.

Okay for one Christmas they bought me a Cabbage-Patch-Doll.
I'm 30 freak-in year's old and these fools give me a doll. The last time I played with a doll was when I was 6 and decided to give one of my sister's dolls and hair cut.
The thing ended up looking worst then Buckwheat.

So I play all happy and crap and open the the box up and read the stupid Birth Certificate that used to come with it. The things name was "Edwina".
I dang near freaked out.

My name is Edward. I boxed it back up, and have never seen it since.

That was 1986. I think the EX still has it.

EDWARD

[jjm2111]

The ex father in law being the father of your wife in your homepage? Me confused.

[shotgun]

Okay...at that time prior to my divorce, my ex-wife's father was a great man who would give me total manly gifts that ranged from ($$$)fishing tackle to hunting equipment ($$$$).Then after we had exchanged gifts, he and I would retire to the den for a few glasses of fine single malt, The Glen Livet. Unfortunately he passed away and my mother-in-law married this other complete MORON. He is the ex-father-in-law that I am referring too...

[EuroFrog]

My hubbys aunt gave us a matched set of 'stuff': 1 pair boxershorts, 1 picture frame (wallet size), and 1 pair earrings. The frame and earrings were that really cheap looking wanna be gold stuff with large moons and suns on them. The boxers were dark blue with the suns and moons on them. The boxers ended up being too small for hubby and I react badly to cheap metal so couldnt wear the earrings. Figured why break up a set? So the frame followed the shorts and earrings into the garbage.

[shotgun]

Mommmmmmmaaaaaaaa.....

[bootless]

My worthless EX- father-in-law is the culprit here. Then the next year he gave me an emergency road side flare kit. To add insult to injury, he tried to justify it by saying what a great gift it was and that I would love it!!!

OMG. I got one of those from a boyfriend (we'd been going out for two years, too!). I got him a nice sweater and some other stuff. And I got a road service kit. Swell. I tried my best to look pleased and gracious. Don't know if I succeeded.

[andysandmikesmom]

I know of the worst actual present given at Christmastime....when I was a kid, me and my brother, mother and father opened all our gifts on Christmas morning...then we went downstairs, to see what my aunt and uncle and two cousins had gotten....

Now, my uncle could be a real jerk....this one year, he actually got my aunt a giant sized box of Tide for Christmas...I swear, its true....well, my dad just burst out laughing and we kids just snickered...my mom was horrified, and my aunt was crying....its was all too terrible....of course, my uncle was also a drunk, in addition to being a jerk, and I guess in a drunken stupor, he bought her this box of Tide, and figured that was good enough....

But the whole affair lasted in our family legends forever....the following Christmas, my dad got the bright idea of buying my mom a whole bunch of crap for Christmas, like a pile of gag gifts, while the extra special real gifts were hidden away....

Poor mom...she opened all her odd gifts, things like clipboards for holding her maps while they traveled, a fly swatter, ace bandages for her sore arms, and oh yes, a giant sized box of Tide....we had such fun wrapping those presents in pretty Christmas paper, and laughing at how mad mom was going to be, when she opened those presents and thought that was all she was getting....

Mom opened all of her nasty gifts, and burst into tears...of couse, we kids just laughed...dad ran into his closet and came out laden down with all her real gifts, which were wonderful and splendid, and she was so happy...

But that started a tradition in our family, which lasted until we kids grew up and moved away from home....every Christmas, the hunt was on, to find the lousiest gifts to give mom on Christmas morning, before she got her actual good presents....

And all his started because my jerky, drunken uncle gave his wife a giant sized box of Tide for Christmas...

[SouthernFreebird]

I think your uncle's gonna take 1st prize on this thread.

[AlwaysLurking]

Two, padded toilet seats.

Beat THAT!

[lowbridge]

A soap and a sponge.

Back when I was around 9 or 10 years old (somewhere around that age), one of my mother's best friends (along with her husband and their three daughters) lived way out in the suburbs, and a few times a year we'd go out there to visit for the whole day since they lived so far out. However one day, mother brought us kids there just to pick up our Christmas presents that my Mother's friend had thoughtfully got for us. I had no idea that we were going to get presents from my Mother's friend untill we got there.

When I heard that they had a present for me, I was so incredibly excited. The fact that these wonderful people that I truly loved had a Christmas present for me thrilled me beyond words. I wondered what they got me. My mind raced with the images of the thousands upon thousands of toys I have seen advertised on television commercials the whole year round, especially this close to Christmas.

Instead, they handed me a package that contained a soap and a sponge. Something that I've NEVER seen advertised on tv. It was probably something they bought of a rack at their local drugstore or something like that (It certainly didnt come from Toys R Us, thats for sure). The soap was shaped like a baseball, with baseball stitching carved onto it, and the sponge was yellow colored, and shaped like a catchers glove. In fact, it you could slip it on your hand just like a glove. I hated sports (then and now), including baseball. I found sports to be quite boring.

No, I dont think they were trying to send me a hint about my personal hygiene, since unlike other kids my own age, I bathed regularly.

BUT, at the time, I really cherished these people who gave me this gift (still do in fact), and as a result, I cherished the gift as well. In fact, I cherished it so much, that I wouldn't get around to using the gift for months. Instead, I would carefully open the hard plastic packaging it was in, just to take it out, and hold my gift, sort of play with it, and then just as carefully put it back inside it's packaging.

I finally did get around to using the gift in the bathtub, but that was only out of necessity. In preparation for taking a bath one day, I found that we had no more soap left over in the apartment, except for my soap and sponge gift. So I had to use that reluctantly. It was a few more baths before the baseball shaped soap finally was used up, and I still used the sponge glove but I wound up wearing that out and it had to be thrown out.

Again, at the time, I REALLY cherished that gift, and I REALLY cherished the people who gave it to me (still do), but today, I look back on it, and I shake my head. Out of all Christmas gifts to give to a kid. A soap and a sponge.

[lowbridge]

Ok, here are a few things I would not want to see in my Christmas stocking. 1. Nude pictures of Helen Thomas, Hitlery, or Janet el Reno. 2. Anything Chia 3. That stupid Hitlery book. 4. Anything written by Al Franken.

You're a hard person to shop for. :-)

[lowbridge]

I think the EX still has it.

You should've demanded custody of it. It's probably worth money now. :-)

[lowbridge]

Two, padded toilet seats. Beat THAT!

A soap and a sponge (see post 51 for more details). Do we at least tie?

[Bob J]

Hands down...Chia Pets.

[AlwaysLurking]

Well....I am not sure....you were a kid....and this was from my HUSBAND! Two padded toilet seats!!! I am not sure your soap beats that!!! But it is darn close!!!
LOL!!!

[arthurus]

Does getting your gallbladder removed two days before Christmas count as a Christmas gift?

Who did you give it to?

[lowbridge]

Who did you give it to?

Hey, to my two girlfriends, I gave my kidneys, one each. :-D

[discostu]

A really obnoxious kitchy flowery lamp/ ornamental plate that doesn't look anything like any type of decor that has ever or will ever be in my house. Which reminds me, it'll have been out a year on Thursday that mean I can get rid of it without being rude. Next year's White Elephant gift for sure.

[discostu]

I had a friend who requested a Chia Pet for Christmas. She'd always thought they were fascinating in their hideousness but figured it wasn't the type of thing a person should buy for themselves. So I got her one, last time I talked to her she still had the damn thing.