Albright: 'Rings' Sequel Timed to Benefit Bush (SATIRE)

Albright: 'Rings' Sequel Timed to Benefit Bush (2003-12-21) -- Former Secretary of State Madeleine Albright suggested today that the Bush administration influenced the timing of the release of the blockbuster movie 'The Return of the King' to boost the economy before the 2004 elections.

"In the first five days that movie has raked in $125 million," said Ms. Albright. "And that doesn't include popcorn, beverages and Sno-Caps. This is a major shot in the arm for the economy, and I find the timing suspicious. All three of these movies have been released during the Bush administration, and this one may create the economic tsunami that carries Bush to his second term."

In related news, Democrat presidential candidate Dick Gephardt, who is boycotting 'The Return of the King,' said the film was a 'miserable failure' which sent high-paying American jobs to New Zealand.

Senator John F. Kerry, also rumored to be considering a White House bid, said, "This is a great day for America. Of course, I was one of the early supporters of adventure movies. And while George Bush can get the vicarious rush of watching a filmed battle sequence, I actually left some blood on the battlefield."

Rival Wesley Clark said, "I support this movie, and recommend that people go to see it, but they should leave the theater as quickly as possible."

Candidate Dennis Kucinich said, "I told you Bush was false. I told you he was tricksy."

I think someone posted earlier this satire too....

December 16, 2003
'Rings' Fans Awed by Sequel's Car Chase Scene
(2003-12-16) -- Preview screening audiences for the final episode of the Lord of the Rings (LOTR) movie trilogy are said to be "breathless" over the ending of the so-called 'American cut' of Return of the King, which features a spectacular car chase scene.

Although devotees of the J.R.R. Tolkien books, which form the basis for the movie series, have barraged internet fan sites with complaints, director Peter Jackson said audiences love the "dramatic plot twist."

"We wanted to bring Tolkien's incredibly intricate, poetic prose to the screen in a way that would be accessible to modern American moviegoers," said Mr. Jackson, a native New Zealander. "One of our scriptwriters suggested that the final epic battle between good and evil might best be portrayed by having the Dark Lord Sauron pursue Frodo and Sam (the ring-bearing Hobbits) in a spectacular car chase through Middle Earth. It really breathes new life into the literary fantasy-action-adventure genre."

Asked how he's dealing with the withering criticism from Tolkien fans, Mr. Jackson bristled: "I can't live my life trying to satisfy the purists. What do these people want? We spent months shooting that car chase, and I used classic cars to make it authentic. I think it's true to the spirit of Tolkien."

Mr. Jackson suggested that LOTR devotees would ultimately be satisfied when they buy the extended version DVD.

"On the DVD, the car chase is punctuated by long soliloquies by Lady Galadriel, where she speaks in untranslated Elvish and we see nothing but her unblinking eyes," said Mr. Jackson. "That ought to keep the stroppy Ring-geeks from chundering."

Posted by Scott Ott http://www.scrappleface.com/MT/archives/001422.html

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