Fauci Establishes New 5th Amendment Record [semi-satire]

This week, the previously pardoned Dr. Anthony Fauci appeared before the Senate Homeland Security and Governmental Affairs Committee and invoked the Constitution's Fifth Amendment against self-incrimination 111 times. Sen. Josh Hawley (R-Mo) called Fauci's actions "remarkable. He invoked the 5th more times than any previous underworld gangster to ever appear before the US Senate. Unlike those gangsters, Dr. Fauci had received a blanket pardon from former President Biden 'for any crimes he may have committed between 2014 and January 20, 2025.' The US Supreme Court ruled in the 1896 case of Brown versus Walker that recipients of pardons are not entitled to invoke the 5th. Thus, Dr. Fauci has added 111 violations of US law to the multitude of crimes for which he was pardoned."

In his opening statement Fauci explained that "my great respect for Congressional oversight compels me to refuse to answer any questions premised on the notion that I am worthy of criticism. As I noted in my diary, I am a darling of the media. I have been praised by George Stephanopoulos, Jake Tapper, Barbra Streisand, and Julia Roberts. I was the longest serving and highest paid public health officer in American history. I was, for a time, the most famous man in the world. I will not yield to the slanders of Sen. Paul or any others who do not value my heroic efforts on behalf of public health."

Sen. Andy Kim (D-NJ) criticized Republicans "for condemning the honest mistakes of a dedicated public servant like Dr. Fauci. The good doctor has been forgiven by former President Biden. He is immune from further responsibility for his past actions. This attempt to impugn him will chill future generations of Faucis who might otherwise seek to emulate his actions on behalf of the benefit of mankind."

Sen. Rand Paul (R-Ky) pointed out that "Dr. Fauci's diary contains admissions that his actions and public statements during the pandemic contradicted his sworn testimony to Congress. He was aware that his statements and actions were not based on actual science--that face masks couldn't block the virus, the 6-foot social distancing was made up, and that the vaccines neither prevented infection from nor transmission of the virus. He strove to block alternative therapies that worked and encouraged coercing folks into getting these vaccines. He supported efforts to suppress the statements of scientists who had differences of opinion on issues he insisted were 'settled.' By law, he is not entitled to assert the 5th Amendment in order to avoid telling the truth. In order for our country to avoid repeating the mistakes made during the pandemic he has both a moral and legal responsibility to candidly admit where he led the country down the wrong path."

Former Director of National Intelligence Tulsi Gabbard called Fauci's performance in the Senate hearing "sickening. Former President Obama issued a ban on 'gain-of-function' research. Evidence shows that Dr. Fauci covertly and illegally funded the 'gain-of-function' research at the Wuhan Lab in China with US taxpayers' money. 'Gain-of-function' research is intended to develop bioweapons that can cause mass death by disease. This is precisely what COVID-19 did. Officially, 7 million people are reported to have died from it. Estimates run as high as 35 million deaths. Dr. Fauci's aid in the development of the COVID bioweapon by China, an adversary nation, is clearly an act of treason. Causing the death of millions around the world is clearly a crime against humanity of a magnitude rivaling that of Nazis who were executed or imprisoned after World War II."

Florida Attorney General James Uthmeier said "Dr. Fauci's lack of candor to Congress is unbelievable. My office is launching an investigation into Dr. Fauci. His pardon only covers federal crimes. It doesn't immunize him against prosecution for state crimes. Our inquiry will focus on what Fauci knew, when he knew it, and how he misled people. We will examine the physical and monetary harms to Floridians that may have resulted from his deceptions and determine whether his conduct exposes him to liability under state law."

To: 1of10; #1CTYankee; 12Gauge687; 14erClimb; 21twelve; 1raider1; 2nd Bn, 11th Mar; 3D-JOY; 43north; ...

Here’s an exercise for Fauci. Take him to a gallows. Push him up the first step. What step are you on? He pleads the 5th, clear up all 13 steps. You push him over the trap door and put the hood on him, then ask, see anything? He pleads the 5th. You adjust the noose over his head and ask, any last words? He pleads the 5th. Then I reach over and pull the lever. Well done boys. Beer for my horses, whiskey for my men.

My fervent prayer is that he lives long enough to be hanged in public. And then feed his carcass to a pen of hungry hogs. Maybe put it on Pay-per-View.

4 posted on 08/01/2026 12:56:54 AM PDT by dayglored (This is the day which the LORD hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it. Psalms 118:24)

I spent my money on whiskey and women, the rest I wasted. I don’t know what Pay per View costs but my brother-in-law owes me for marrying his sister and I’ll damn sure watch. Regards

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