California & Minnesota Medicaid Funds Blocked [semi-satire]

Health and Human Services Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. halted the distribution of $1 billion to California and Minnesota, saying "Gov. Gavin Newsom (D-Calif) and Minnesota Gov. Tim Walz (D-Minn) have opened the floodgates to theft. They dismantled basic program integrity and oversight. We are not sending any more Medicaid dollars out the door to them until we have confidence that they are being spent lawfully and appropriately."

"One example of the fraud we found was in the payments California made to so-called hospices," the Secretary explained. "These are places where the terminally ill go to die. The average time spent in a hospice is 18 days. We found 800 hospices that had no actual patients, but were receiving $6,000 per month per claimed patient for years. We shut them down. Most of the fraudsters are immigrants who were stealing the patient names and case numbers from doctors' offices. We didn't get a single call from a congressman or from a business owner saying, 'you shut down my hospice and all these patients are on the street.' None of them, because they were all crooked and they knew they were crooked."

Kennedy criticized "the Biden administration's lack of honest oversight of Medicaid disbursements. Former HHS Secretary and current Democrat nominee for Governor of California Xavier Becerra, looked the other way while fraud, waste, and abuse exploded. The scammers got paid. The taxpayers got stuck with enormous bills."

Walz called the withholding of funds "unfair. Minnesota has been burdened with the care of hundreds of thousands of Somali immigrants whose native work habits were largely focused on piracy and theft in their home country. They don't understand that their traditional methods of living are illegal in this country. Letting them swindle the government helped divert them from preying on American citizens. Cutting off this government fraud will force these immigrants to target citizens directly and potentially endanger their lives. The Trump Administration's reversal of the Biden Administration's toleration of the fraud is cruel and dangerous."

Newsom characterized the move to cut federal funds as "a recycled political stunt. By raising this issue right ahead of the November elections they hope to boost the chances of their Party's candidates. This attempt to undermine the election system we have worked so hard to implement is dirty politics at its worst. Well, it won't work. We already have millions of ballots stashed. When we figure out how many will be needed as the election night ballots are counted we will count enough of these stashed ballots to ensure Secretary Becerra's victory and enable our Party's rule to continue."

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