Posted on 07/20/2026 2:33:31 PM PDT by DFG
WASHINGTON, D.C. — America's election woes are finally at an end, as President Donald Trump announced an exciting new plan to put all voting booths inside Olive Garden restaurants.
"You can vote for your next county clerk while enjoying unlimited pasta and breadsticks," Trump said. "I'm the only one that could have made a deal like this."
According to sources, Trump had long been frustrated with Congress' refusal to act on election security, forcing him to make a deal with Olive Garden as part of an official executive order.
"It occurred to me — because I'm brilliant, I'm a really smart guy — that if Olive Garden can require photo ID for their Never-Ending Pasta Pass, they already have a workflow in place that can make our elections great again," Trump explained. "And they do it without any controversy. It's incredible. Zero controversy. Me? Big scandal? Olive Garden? That's just business. Maybe it's the food, I don't know. We're going to be looking into that. I love the breadsticks, though."
Olive Garden CEO Bob Olive said, "We're happy to open our doors to Americans all across the country when Election Day comes around. And if you want to enjoy some chicken parmigiana afterward, then we'll be happy to seat you. After all, when you're here, you're family. Even if you're voting Democrat."
Congressional Democrats criticized Trump's executive order, arguing that it amounted to voter suppression against people with a gluten intolerance.
"You can't walk into Olive Garden without eating at least two dozen breadsticks. It's not possible. What's a gluten-free voter supposed to do?" Representative Hakeem Jeffries said. "Of course, Trump doesn't want gluten-intolerant folks to vote because he hates them."
At publishing time, Trump announced he was currently meeting with Olive Garden executives to see if they had any advice on how to deal with Iran.
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It’s worth a try. That’s no dumber than having the DMV handle voter registration.
Shouldn’t they be in Taco Bell?
I’d suggest police stations, sheriff’s offices, ICE offices….
Cool so long as the menus are only printed in English.
Are Olive Garden portions is very small ?
LOL! The Bee doesn’t miss a good opportunity for humor.
This is one of the better one’s from the Bee in a while.
2 belly laughs up.
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