Dem Undeterred by Platner Scandals [semi-satire]

Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 7 June 2026 | John Semmens

[John Semmens]

Sen. Andy Kim (D-NJ) brushed aside the negative aspects of his Party's prospective nominee for the US Senate seat in Maine, saying "yeah, he's had some troubling behaviors. First there was the Nazi tattoo on his chest. I mean, who does that? Then there is the revelation that he's been unfaithful in his marriage. This isn't so unusual. Congress has a special fund to pay off the women that are abused by its members. Finally, there is his boast that he would rape anyone who breaks into his house to demonstrate his dominance. These aren't the words that I would have chosen, but I understand the sentiment."

"On the plus side, though, Platner is solidly against Trump and his policies," Kim observed. "I think this more than outweighs any of the negatives of his behavior or character. General Patton was a 'magnificent bastard' who terrified the Nazis during WWII. So, I think Platner might be the 'magnificent bastard' Democrats can use. I can envision him raping Trump. That's the kind of fighter we need if we're going to oust the MAGA usurpers who are undermining the progressive agenda to bring democratic socialism to this country. What I hear from people in New Jersey and around the country is that they don't trust the US Senate right now, led by Republicans. I look forward to working with any Democrat that the voters of Maine choose to elect as their senator."

In related news, Platner has a 100% disability rating from the Veterans Administration (VA) and receives free health care and $4,800 per month. A spokesman for the VA questioned "whether a person with 100% disability would have the strength or agility to walk down the street, much less rape an intruder." Platner denied that he is 100% disabled, saying "claiming disability was the only way I could get the system to give me compensation I deserve for the damage done to my body in the Afghan War."

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TOPICS: Government; History; Humor; Military/Veterans; Politics
KEYWORDS: disability; kim; patton; platner; postandrun; rape; satire; selfpromotion; trump

[rktman]

Yup! The new poster boy for the dems. He has all the deviant qualities(?) they look for.

[brownsfan]

Dems can excuse any behavior by a candidate they need. What’s just as bad is the voter base accepts the Dem fabrications.

I’m not sure which makes me sicker.

[Fledermaus]

The more scummy the better when it comes to Dems.

[A strike]

Rommel was the “magnificent bastard” not Patton.

So this of course is in accordance with the Demokrat policy of projection always..

[frank ballenger]

One of many people but here’s my take:
Gen. George S. Patton said “Rommel, you magnificent bastard, I read your book.” in the movie Patton.

Imagine our shelling of Dems and Antifa in the next few months.
Patton movie.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dObTXYa-_n4

Sad myth busting....
Erwin Rommel never published a book on tank warfare. He was planning to write a book titled Panzer greift an (Tank Attacks), but it was never finished or published during his lifetime.Rommel’s Actual Book: Rommel did write a highly regarded military book, but it was titled Infanterie greift an (Infantry Attacks) and detailed small-unit infantry tactics from World War I.—Wikipedia.

[DIRTYSECRET]

Polls show Planter ahead. Hard to believe but his supporters are running with it. Let’s hope the polls stay that way until it’s to late-at least realistically too late.