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Newsom Makes Pitch to Black Voters [semi-satire]
Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 1 March 2026 | John Semmens

Posted on 03/03/2026 10:18:23 AM PST by John Semmens

During an interview with Atlanta Mayor Andre Dickens, Gov. Gavin Newsom (D-Calif) told the Black mayor and mostly Black audience "I'm like you. I can't read. I'm a 960 SAT guy--you know, the kind of guy who's a 'C' student on his good days. I'd be the perfect president to represent your interests. I wish I was Black so you'd believe me."

Sen. Tim Scott (R-SC) took offense, saying "You're not like us. Black folks have built empires, created movements, outworked, out-hustled and outsmarted people like you. Stop using your mediocre academics as a way to patronize us."

Newsom defended his remarks and hit back at Scott for "bullying a guy with a learning disability. If you had any guts you'd be fighting for your people as hard as I am. You won't even oppose the SAVE Act under the mistaken notion that folks who can't read are capable of getting a proper voter ID. That's BS. I can't even read my own book. If I didn't have aides I couldn't have written it or gotten a proper voter ID. Not every Black has the resources to overcome the hurdle that Republicans are trying to create for minorities, women, and undocumented immigrants."


TOPICS: Education; Government; Humor; Politics
KEYWORDS: illiterate; racism; satire; scott

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1 posted on 03/03/2026 10:18:23 AM PST by John Semmens
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To: John Semmens
Well, basketball ain't it newsom
2 posted on 03/03/2026 10:38:23 AM PST by V_TWIN (America....so great even the people that hate it won't leave)
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To: V_TWIN
Newsom playing Dodgeball


3 posted on 03/03/2026 10:44:36 AM PST by dfwgator ("I am Charlie Kirk!")
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To: John Semmens

OK, I must have missed something. Where’s the original story?


4 posted on 03/03/2026 11:24:22 AM PST by NewHampshireDuo ( )
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To: John Semmens

This is one of your better ones. Funny and mostly true.


5 posted on 03/03/2026 11:25:37 AM PST by UCANSEE2 (Sailing the Sea of Ignorance on a Ship named Free Republic)
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To: NewHampshireDuo

(Don’t tell anybody but it’s SATIRE)


6 posted on 03/03/2026 11:26:27 AM PST by UCANSEE2 (Sailing the Sea of Ignorance on a Ship named Free Republic)
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To: John Semmens

Speaking of Newscum, I’m happy to say that I hid all of his books behind others at the book store today.


7 posted on 03/03/2026 11:27:01 AM PST by MayflowerMadam ( "Trouble knocked at the door, but, hearing laughter, hurried away". - B. Franklin)
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To: dfwgator

Near the end of the movie Dodgeball with Ben Stiller, the announcer says at this point in this deciding game all the officials and everyone else knows the rules are out the window. From this point on, it’s down and dirty street dodgeball.


8 posted on 03/03/2026 11:52:29 AM PST by frank ballenger (There's a battle outside and it's raging. It'll soon shake your windows and rattle your walls. )
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To: MayflowerMadam

Good. In the old days Rush Limbaugh said people hid his books in the cookbook section so they wouldn’t get bought.


9 posted on 03/03/2026 11:54:03 AM PST by frank ballenger (There's a battle outside and it's raging. It'll soon shake your windows and rattle your walls. )
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To: John Semmens

Imagine being a hard working blue collar black dude and being lumped in with Tik Tokking leftist white women, sodomites and wetbacks


10 posted on 03/03/2026 12:26:08 PM PST by atc23
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To: UCANSEE2

Yes, of course, but what was the bit that he did that spawned this?


11 posted on 03/03/2026 1:23:15 PM PST by NewHampshireDuo ( )
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To: V_TWIN

Did he switch from Brylcreem to Afro Sheen?


12 posted on 03/03/2026 2:08:57 PM PST by pissant ((Deport them all))
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