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Posted on 01/19/2026 2:31:45 PM PST by DFG
ST. PAUL, MN — According to sources, membership at a local pentecostal church failed to notice when protestors stormed the building and began screaming at everyone because it wasn't at all dissimilar from a typical pentecostal service.
Church membership at Golgotha Holy Fire Victory Pentecostal was reportedly overjoyed at the influx of visitors who joined them to speak in strange tongues, shove each other, and roll all over the floor. Church leadership called it the most successful service they'd ever had.
"Those people had the Spirit on them, no doubt," said longtime member Steve Winthrop. "What a blessing!"
Disgraced former CNN host Don Lemon reported that anti-ICE protestors were dismayed to discover they could not intimidate churchgoers, no matter how much of a commotion they made.
"ICE are Nazis! Justice for — why are you all on the floor?" a rioter identified as Cranston Crail said, becoming distracted by the Pentecostal worship.
"Abalambambmbmacmcmbama!" a member answered.
At publishing time, another group of rioters who intruded upon a Baptist church in Texas had been rushed to the hospital with multiple gunshot injuries.
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They don’t call ‘em Holy Rollers for nothing!
This has got to be the funniest Babylon Bee article I’ve ever read.
I would love to see a bunch of Pentecostals swarm a Unitarian “church” service and start speaking in tongues, handling snakes, and generally carrying on like they do. That would be a hoot.
speaking in tongues, handling snakes, and generally carrying on like they do.
That was a good one by the Bee.
One member shouted “Ohmalawdsheshotupmyhonda”.
The preacher who led my MIL funeral was a snake handling preacher. He didn’t actually handle them but he led the services. Good preacher tho.
We are Charismatic based in the Messianic movement. Everything in decency and Order, , but don’t neglect the gifts. Especally younger in Prayer Warfare, which I need to do more of.
My wife attended Pentecostal services as a young teen. She laughed boisterously at this one. Good job, Bee!
I laughed at the last paragraph... belly laughed.
>> As to speaking in tongues and “carrying on”, I completely prefer that to simply playing church for an hour on Sunday.
10-4 on that. Nevertheless I LOL’d at the Bee article!
Well..... a spirit.
I doubt it was The Spirit. Came from a little further down I wager.
Great article.
The last paragraph cracked me up. I posted earlier that our Baptist Church is is filled with men wearing holsters and women with heavy purses.
This one rates right up there, too.
Pentecostal Man Hits Fitbit Steps Goal Twenty Minutes Into Church Service
https://babylonbee.com/news/pentecostal-man-hits-fitbit-steps-goal-twenty-minutes-church-service/
Without question! The Bee is awesome. I enjoy that they skewer everyone/anyone.
We’ve got 52+ years of stories/experiences of GOD’s dunamis and human stupidus.
I attended an Assembly of God church for years. Some of the most fun I’ve had in my life were the days I filled in for our regular drummer. 😀
Born from above in an A/G church. Was a credentialed minister and we were A/G missionaries.
Sitting alone, I truly laughed out loud. Best ever.
Thanks for PR 13:22. Hadn’t read it in a long time, but am practicing it for children and grandchildren.
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