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Posted on 12/29/2025 8:40:13 AM PST by DFG
ST. PAUL, MN — In response to growing allegations of fraud tied to Minnesota's Somali community, Governor Tim Walz announced he had awarded an $8 billion grant to a Somali company to find the perpetrators.
"I'm sparing no expense to find those responsible," Governor Walz announced. "That's why I'm consulting with a Somali private detective agency. They know when to run a mean pick-six."
"They also run a nifty daycare center," he added.
To date, approximately $18 billion has been lost to fraud in Minnesota through fake social service programs run by Somalis, some of whom may be in the country illegally. Walz hopes to get to the bottom of the scandal with a lucrative grant to the newly formed Osman Farah Private Eye Detective Agency for Finding Welfare Fraud
"Look at me. Look at me. I am the detective now," said Detective Osman Farah.
Democrats praised Walz for rising above politics to get to the bottom of the fraud case. "Well, I'm convinced," said Minnesota Congressional Representative Ilhan Omar. "Nothing to see here. As usual, America is the real villain."
Previously, Republicans questioned Walz's leadership throughout the Somali daycare fraud scandal, even going so far as to suggest he's involved. Now, however, they're certain he's just mentally handicapped and unable to run an elaborate money laundering scheme himself.
"We should probably have him arrested, but honestly, this is all so entertaining," House Speaker Mike Johnson said as he ate a bag of popcorn while watching the news. "Ha, they just found another billion. Hilarious."
At publishing time, Somali detectives announced they were close to cracking the case and just needed another $8 billion in funds to be sure.
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This would be so sad, if the Babylon Bee hadn’t stuck another nerve.
It’s tragicomic.
caught me by surprise for a second until I saw it was the Bee
When did the Bee start reporting actual facts?
Walz’ face is looking puffy, ... maybe he’s Bee stung.
It’s actually VERY believable….lol.
Lol, I know I’m not the only one who looked at that and had a blood pressure spike because it is so close to being possibly true! I don’t care who you are, that’s pretty funny!
almost got me
Walz hires a Mogadishu based investigation company to do the down low?
BUahahahahahahahahahahaha!
Do not criticize it, THAT WOULD BE RACIS’ ! ( Walz is thinking ahead !)
The flabrication of innersense.
Heh! They almost got me this time. The Bee strikes again.
It is not just about the fraud money going to open these fake daycares. Walz and the Dems wanted to subsidize the very people enrolling phantom kids too. Wrap your head around that. Just make a name like “no name given”, supply a SS number and get more tax credits?
Not really relieved, though .... this is way too close to reality.
We are living in a Crapocracy.
Idiocracy would be a substantial improvement.
Hey BB.....Don’t give them ideas!
LOL Gotta love the “Bee.”
/snort
ROFL!!!
Thankfully, it’s the Bee.
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