Posted on 11/03/2025 10:25:13 AM PST by DFG
TORONTO — Following the team's devastating loss to the Los Angeles Dodgers in Game 7 of the 2025 World Series, the Canadian government announced that it had ordered the players from the Toronto Blue Jays to be euthanized.
As is standard procedure in Canada, people who have outlived their usefulness and no longer provide the expected value to society are promptly scheduled to be exterminated. After failing to bring home a championship, the Blue Jays' roster was deemed to have reached the end of the line.
"It's what's best for all parties," said Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney. "They had a great run, they almost pulled it off, but the harsh truth is that the Blue Jays are now more of a drain on resources than what they provide. It's a difficult decision to make, but it's the right one. I've given the official order to have them all euthanized."
Though unconfirmed, reports circulated that the Blue Jays would have been given a reprieve and been allowed to continue living had they been able to defeat the Dodgers. "We gave them an opportunity to keep going," said one member of Parliament who asked to remain anonymous. "They had their chances, both to win Game 7 and to stay alive. They didn't get the win, and unfortunately, sometimes in life, there are consequences. We don't make the rules. Well, actually, we do, but this was the decision, eh?"
At publishing time, the Toronto Blue Jays front office had notified the rest of the team in Major League Baseball that they were in desperate need to refill the entire roster for next season.
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I don’t keep up with Baseball at all, but I hear that this was one of the best series ever! Seven games, extra innings! Cliffhanger!
Congratulations to BOTH TEAMS!...........
Baseball needs to get back to DAY GAMES. I'm not staying up to 10 or 11 or 2am to watch games on the East Coast. Games should start no later than 5pm est.
And miss all that advertisement?.............Prime Time revenue............
Agree...Congratulations to both...
Oh, it’s the Bee! You got me with this one. :)
MAID in Toronto?
This IS a blatant lie.
Baldy (er, badly /Colin) exaggerated too.
(The Toronto players are merely being kept behind the Entry Line at the airport until they can explain the rules for and against crossing the blue line in hockey.)
I’m surprised the Bee didn’t say that the baseball players in Canada have to euthanized to clear the way for cricket players.
‘Twas a great World Series. Not the ending I wanted, but the Dodgers really dug deep and pulled it off. Congrats to them.
I thought the cricket players had already been euthanized, at least the white ones.
It was great for us Dodgers fans!
Someone on here said Japan won the world series with Yamamoto, Sasaki and, of course Ohtani - whom the Dodgers bought for $700M for 10 years.
Yamamoto was the star - and deserved MVP.
The Blue Jays are an awesome ball team.
That said, the headline made me laugh.
If the Canadian government only euthanizes Canadian citizens on the Blue Jays the team has nothing to worry about.
Pungent parody.
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