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Aftershocks of Kirk Assassination [semi-satire]
Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 28 September 2025 | John Semmens

Posted on 09/27/2025 12:09:35 AM PDT by John Semmens

This week, left-wing propagandist Jimmy Kimmel was reinstated to his late night ABC TV show by the Disney Corporation. CEO Bob Iger explained "we have spent some time talking with Jimmy and analyzing our options. On the one hand, the replacement 'Family Feud' reruns more than doubled the audience that Kimmel was drawing. On the other hand, Jimmy is a reliable spokesman for our company's values."

"We make more than enough revenue from our theme parks that we can afford to subsidize Jimmy's show," Iger acknowledged. "His hilarious mocking of MAGA fascism and Trump's buffoonery is an essential weapon in the defense of our democracy that people need to see and hear if tyranny is to be prevented from swallowing up the American dream. It's regrettable that there isn't a bigger audience for Jimmy's show. Maybe this will be remedied when a future Democratic Administration can more effectively pressure the media to censor the false narratives advocated by its opponents like former President Biden did. Until then, we are determined to eat any losses that are necessary to keep Jimmy's message on the air."

On his first night back Kimmel wept but did not apologize, saying "what I said after Kirk's murder was not a joke. It was a prediction that turned out to be true. I said the MAGA folks would do everything they could to try to prove that the murderer was not one of them. Well, they succeeded. All the evidence shows that the killer was a leftist lunatic. Since I was right I'm the one who deserves an apology. I doubt that the despicable MAGA maniacs will ever show the class required to give me one." The studio audience gave him a standing ovation.

Democratic nominee for mayor of New York City, Zohran Mamdani, took credit for Disney's decision to put Kimmel back on TV, saying "my boycott of the ABC town hall was the crucial factor in the reversal. I shamed the corporate leaders who put their bottom line ahead of their responsibility in upholding the freedom of the press. This proves that I am an unstoppable force at a national level. I will be elected mayor of New York in a few months, governor of New York in another year, and president of the United states in 2028."

Rep. Ilhan Omar (D-MN) called the murder "more than justified. Charlie Kirk was a hateful person. Those who called him civil and tolerant are full of sh*t. He will not leave a permanent legacy on history. Those of us who understood his true nature will erase all memory of him from our history books once we attain the power we seek. Congress knows this. That's why the motion to censure me was defeated. Every Democrat and four Republicans wisely voted against it."

Former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton warned that "MAGA will use the murder of Charlie Kirk as a diversion from Trump's plan to make himself a dictator. Sure, it's sad that a young father had to die so horribly, but he put himself in the line of fire by challenging those who disagreed with him to 'prove me wrong.' Well, a bullet proved he couldn't win with just words. This stark rebuttal should serve as a warning to Republicans and those who vote for them that the battle over who will rule America is more dire than they imagine. Policies to cutback government employment and benefits will be resisted by any means necessary. No amount of personal security is foolproof. You've been warned."

Democrat strategist David Axelrod expressed concern that "the right's reaction to the assassination of Charlie Kirk may pose major problems for our Party. Kirk's widow forgiving the young man who murdered her husband undermines our efforts to portray Kirk as a divisive advocate of hate and intolerance. Even worse, the surge of over 50,000 requests from students to join or form new chapters of the Turning Point movement portends a dramatic increase in the number of new voices in support of Kirk's message of constructive debate and free speech. This may overwhelm our strategy of deploying mostly peaceful riots to support our policies and candidates."


TOPICS: Government; Humor; Politics
KEYWORDS: axelrod; clinton; disney; kimmel; mamdani; omar; postandrun; satire; selfpromotion

1 posted on 09/27/2025 12:09:35 AM PDT by John Semmens
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To: 1of10; #1CTYankee; 12Gauge687; 14erClimb; 21twelve; 1raider1; 2nd Bn, 11th Mar; 3D-JOY; 43north; ...

ping


2 posted on 09/27/2025 12:11:15 AM PDT by John Semmens
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To: John Semmens

👍


3 posted on 09/27/2025 12:37:50 AM PDT by from occupied ga (Your government is your most dangerous enemy - EVs a solution for which there is no problem)
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To: John Semmens

4 posted on 09/27/2025 1:45:16 AM PDT by Enterprise (These people have no honor, no belief, no poetry, no art, no humor, no patriotism.)
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To: from occupied ga

If someone wants to subsidize Kimmel’s show, let them waste their money. What I have read still suggests that few people watch it.


5 posted on 09/27/2025 4:39:10 AM PDT by oldtech
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To: oldtech

I think I watched about five minutes of it once. Don’t remember what was said. Just remember I didn’t like it. Last time I watched late night TV other than during channel surfing was Jay Leno and him only to help fall asleep.


6 posted on 09/27/2025 4:58:52 AM PDT by from occupied ga (Your government is your most dangerous enemy - EVs a solution for which there is no problem)
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To: Enterprise
I almost used that Muttley gif yesterday but said "No, too malicious". Dang kindness, always ruining the fun.

It's is funny watching the Leftists squirm under the general public's righteous outrage and looking even worse trying to project blame.

P.T. Barnham said, with different phrasing, that you can't fool all of the people all of the time.

7 posted on 09/27/2025 6:11:17 AM PDT by MikelTackNailer (I don't usually warmonger but when I do it's about killing terrorists.)
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