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Episcopalians Find Strange Old Book Hidden Under Pew
Babylon Bee ^ | 05/15/2025 | Babylon Bee

Posted on 05/15/2025 2:40:13 PM PDT by DFG

NEW YORK, NY — According to sources, a group of Episcopalian parishioners has found a strange old book hidden underneath one of their church's pews.

The book, labeled "Holy Bible" on the front of it, was apparently unknown and completely foreign to everyone at the church, leaving leaders in fear that the church may have been infiltrated by right-wing religious extremists.

"It contained strange text and verses we had never seen before," said Presiding Bishop Sean Rowe. "Just a cursory glance through this ‘Bible' was troubling. It appears to speak of an almighty deity none of us are familiar with in any way. This seems like it would be the sacred text for fringe, right-wing people who adhere to a dangerous set of fundamental values. We've launched a full investigation into how this ‘Bible' could have been brought into our church so we can prevent it from ever happening again."

The congregant who discovered the book was still shaken up over the incident hours later. "I've heard things about this book," said parishioner Lawrence Daly. "Terrifying things. People who read and believe the things in this book believe in a ‘God' who will someday hold unrepentant people accountable for something called ‘sin' and… and… I'm sorry, I can't talk about it. I knew I had to notify the church leaders about it. An Episcopal church is the last place for a book like this."

At publishing time, sources close to the Episcopal Church said an investigation was underway to determine the identity of the book's owner and root out any hint of Christianity from its congregation.


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: babylonbee; satire

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1 posted on 05/15/2025 2:40:13 PM PDT by DFG
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To: DFG

Good one for the Bee! LOL!

(The only thing we ever found under our church pews was dried gum.)


2 posted on 05/15/2025 2:45:45 PM PDT by MayflowerMadam (It's hard not to celebrate the fall of bad people. - Bongino)
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To: DFG

hysterical!


3 posted on 05/15/2025 2:46:27 PM PDT by avital2
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To: DFG

Having grown up in that church, I don’t think this is parody.


4 posted on 05/15/2025 2:47:49 PM PDT by Bartholomew Roberts
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To: DFG

The Bee strikes to close to home here.


5 posted on 05/15/2025 2:49:24 PM PDT by packrat35 (Pureblood! No clot shot for me!)
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To: Bartholomew Roberts

It is and it isn’t...


6 posted on 05/15/2025 2:49:58 PM PDT by packrat35 (Pureblood! No clot shot for me!)
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To: DFG

If Catholicism isn’t liberal enough you have Methodist. If they aren’t liberal enough you go Episcopalian.


7 posted on 05/15/2025 2:52:44 PM PDT by Fledermaus ("It turns out all we really needed was a new President!")
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To: Bartholomew Roberts

There’s one in my mother’s neighborhood.

I’m quite sure they are very excited about and making preparations for June.

Pride Month is like Advent and Christmas in summertime for them.


8 posted on 05/15/2025 2:54:28 PM PDT by packagingguy
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To: Fledermaus
... you go Episcopalian Epsicopagan.
9 posted on 05/15/2025 2:56:11 PM PDT by MacNaughton
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To: DFG

(Episcopalians Find Strange Old Book Hidden Under Pew)

You might think this is just a Babylon Bee 🐝 joke but it’s actually all-too+real..

But as I’ve mentioned several times, worked in (an unnamed) church organization that had been taken over by liberals (I had no idea).

They sold Bibles....all day long. WORLDWIDE.

God help you if you quoted from one...

Every single month ... church services onsite - on work time and even paid to attend.

In over 1-1/2 years never recall a Bible opened and verses read. Once... maybe...when a salesman lead the service.

I’d quote Scripture off the top of my head and they’d look at me like I’d just stepped off of a UFO 🛸🛸🛸

Because none of them had ever heard of such a thing.

Oh they read every single book OTHER than THE BOOK.

It was a bizarre experience for me coming from a Bible-based full Gospel church.


10 posted on 05/15/2025 3:15:31 PM PDT by SaveFerris (Luke 17:28 ... as it was in the Days of Lot; They did Eat, They Drank, They Bought, They Sold ......)
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To: packagingguy; Red Badger; Morgana; fwdude
(I’m quite sure they are very excited about and making preparations for June.

Pride Month is like Advent and Christmas in summertime for them.)

I've seen the same thing at one local church - celebrating "Pride Month" - need the pri-DEMON-th pictures

🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈 Pride goes before destruction - Proverbs 16 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈



LURKERS PLEASE SHARE these
pictures / Scriptures via TEXT AND EMAIL

11 posted on 05/15/2025 3:24:21 PM PDT by SaveFerris (Luke 17:28 ... as it was in the Days of Lot; They did Eat, They Drank, They Bought, They Sold ......)
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To: DFG

My mom belongs to an Episcopal church. Dad calls it the “church of whatever”.

L


12 posted on 05/15/2025 3:25:19 PM PDT by Lurker ( Peaceful coexistence with the Left is not possible. Stop pretending that it is.)
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To: DFG

The Episcopalians and their 10 Suggestions. Such a buncha kidders.


13 posted on 05/15/2025 3:34:24 PM PDT by Seruzawa ("The Political left is the Garden of Eden of incompetence" - Marx the Smarter (Groucho))
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To: Lurker

If Episcopal is the “church of whatever”, then what is Unitarian? “Church Of Anything Goes”?


14 posted on 05/15/2025 3:34:49 PM PDT by MayflowerMadam (It's hard not to celebrate the fall of bad people. - Bongino)
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To: Lurker

Tell your Dad that that quip is very good. I am going to steal it. No royalties will be forthcoming, though.


15 posted on 05/15/2025 3:35:46 PM PDT by Seruzawa ("The Political left is the Garden of Eden of incompetence" - Marx the Smarter (Groucho))
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To: Fledermaus

And then Unitarian.


16 posted on 05/15/2025 3:38:05 PM PDT by maro (MAGA!)
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To: maro

Oh my. It gets lower?


17 posted on 05/15/2025 3:39:31 PM PDT by Fledermaus ("It turns out all we really needed was a new President!")
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To: DFG

bttt


18 posted on 05/15/2025 3:51:37 PM PDT by BenLurkin (The above is not a statement of fact. It is opinion or satire. Or both.)
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To: Fledermaus

Scientology?


19 posted on 05/15/2025 3:52:32 PM PDT by null and void (Democrats: fake news, fake presidents, fake beliefs, fake policies, fake protesters & fake voters!)
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To: DFG; MayflowerMadam; Bartholomew Roberts; packrat35; SaveFerris; Fledermaus; packagingguy
And it is not just the Episcopalians as this article explains.

‘Hijacked To Promote The Killing Of Children’: Liberal Pastors Are ‘Blessing’ A Blue State Abortion Clinic

https://dailycallernewsfoundation.org/2024/12/27/liberal-pastors-bless-abortion-clinic/

At an abortion clinic in Maryland, a Presbyterian pastor, Baptist minister and Jewish cantor burned incense as part of a “ritual blessing” in order “to show that religion could be a source of support for abortion rights,” according to the New York Times. The women wanted to counter religious opposition to the procedure.

Liberal pastors have taken to “blessing” abortion clinics to signal support for women who choose to abort their babies according to a Friday report from The New York Times. “You all are blessings to those who come to you for care during some of their most vulnerable and sometimes painful moments,” Rev. Katey Zeh, an ordained Baptist minister, told the abortion clinic staff.

Zeh leads the “blessings” at abortion clinics through an organization she runs called the Religious Community for Reproductive Choice (RCRC), the NYT wrote. The organization aims “to end religious stigma around abortion.”

20 posted on 05/15/2025 3:53:23 PM PDT by Retain Mike ( Sat Cong)
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