Posted on 05/03/2025 2:37:54 PM PDT by DFG
NEWPORT BEACH, CA — Chipotle executives unveiled plans today for the restaurant chain to somehow get even worse.
After a decade of steadily transforming its once-delicious food into tasteless crap, Chipotle still believes there is room to be more awful.
"People say it isn't possible, but we're going to show them," said Chipotle CEO Scott Boatwright. "Chipotle has yet to really scrape the bottom of how lousy our food can be. You think our chicken is overcooked now? You just wait, buddy. We're about to go radioactive on those birds."
In addition to making the food even more terrible, Chipotle has released plans to make their egregiously atrocious ordering system more exasperating. "Customers already wait thirty minutes for a flavorless burrito because we have no system in place for handling both online and in-person orders," explained Boatwright. "But we can be more inefficient. We believe there is still room to grow in shuffling receipts to screw up orders further and extend wait times. We're also looking to add another staff member whose only job will be to sit and stare at the bags of orders that haven't been handed out, just to really twist that knife in the customer a little more."
At publishing time, physicians had announced that in lieu of the traditional colonoscopy prep, they would simply prescribe to patients one Chipotle burrito.
If you enjoy a burrito full of rice, more power to ya.
The Bee nails it.
The ecoli incident has kept me from ever visiting even once..
“The ecoli incident has kept me from ever visiting even once..
“
Bingo!
One time. I know I’ve only eaten chipotle just one single time and I was less than impressed and so I’ve never been back and I see no reason to ever go back.
I don’t get it.
I like Chipotle!!!
They can load those up with a lot of chow. Skip the meat. Get everything else.
I was turned off the first time by the “factory chic” aesthetic. I also hate the stools that are like baby high chairs minus the trays.
I’ve only been to one of them, and I wasn’t impressed.
I’ve never eaten there. They don’t offer nachos there, but Moe’s does, and although I rarely go there, I prefer being able to choose the nachos dish on their menu, and pick the toppings I want on them. I’m not a big fan of Mexican food.
“At publishing time, physicians had announced that in lieu of the traditional colonoscopy prep, they would simply prescribe to patients one Chipotle burrito.”
Gotta love Babylon Bee!
ditto
Their food was catered to my employer a few months ago. The cold samples I tried were fabulous.
If I can avoid the place, I do. Seems like there is no adult supervision ...just a bunch of newbies to the working world slingin’ slop till they find a new job. Food seems formulated to not have any distinctive spices or flavor.
But their commercials with fresh made Guac and fresh cooked chicken look good.
The one near me is always filthy
Give me Freebirds any day.
It’s funny to see their commercials of new food the stores never have. We stopped going there. They never had any food.
“Uh, we’re out of that...and that...and that too.”
They are like Arby’s, “We ain’t got the meats!”
Qdoba is better.
I’ll take Moe’s over chipotle any day. More flavor.
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