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Judge Orders Restoration of Aid to Hamas [semi-satire]
Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 20 April 2025 | John Semmens

Posted on 04/19/2025 1:07:28 AM PDT by John Semmens

This week, District of Columbia Judge Ibn al-Murderu ordered the restoration of the USAID funds designated for Hamas that he says "Secretary of State Marco Rubio has illegally canceled. The desire for government efficiency does not override the commitments made by the prior Biden Administration."

ACLU spokesperson Bertram Petty praised the ruling, calling it "both correct and humane. Israel has cut off the humanitarian aid to Gaza that Hamas had been pilfering to supplement the contractual payments USAID had been making to the organization. This has made it impossible for Hamas to meet its payroll obligations to its fighters. These brave men have taken on dangerous work against the very lethal Israeli Defense Force for the very reasonable wages of $200 per month. However dedicated they may be, they cannot afford to do this for free. Restoring these funds is necessary if the Hamas mission is to survive."

Rubio rejected the judge's decision, saying "by no stretch of the imagination do the destructive actions of Hamas fit the ostensible mission of USAID to promote international development. Hamas' mission is murder and terror. We cannot justify using the taxes Americans pay to subsidize their anti-American, antisemitic, and uncivilized behavior and objectives of Hamas. In addition, the national security obligations of my office are outside the scope of this Judge's authority. We will not be complying with his illegitimate demands."

Former Secretary of State Anthony Blinken warned that "Secretary Rubio's harsh rejection of the policy toward Hamas that we built under President Biden could have tragic results. We faced a situation where there were no good choices. It was our feeling that if we could establish a steady funding mechanism for Hamas through the USAID they wouldn't steal as much of the humanitarian aid we were providing to the people living in Gaza. The cuts that the Department of Government Efficency (DOGE) recommended to USAID and that Rubio followed completely ignored the beneficial effects the payments to Hamas could've had for the innocent inhabitants of that war zone."

In related news, the latest DOGE findings reveal that not only did the Biden Administration allow thousands of persons on the terrorist watchlist into the country, it also gave them Social Security numbers and generous welfare benefits. Blinken explained "this was an experimental initiative to determine if we could divert them from the path of jihad by luring them into the idle lifestyles typical of US citizens who receive these benefits. I am proud to be able to report that there were no major terrorist atrocities committed on US soil during the Biden presidency. I shudder to think of what might happen if DOGE's recommendation to discontinue these benefits to terror suspects is implemented."


TOPICS: Government; Humor; Military/Veterans; Politics
KEYWORDS: aclu; blinken; doge; postandrun; rubio; satire; selfpromotion; socialsecurity; terrorists; welfare

1 posted on 04/19/2025 1:07:28 AM PDT by John Semmens
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To: 1of10; #1CTYankee; 12Gauge687; 14erClimb; 21twelve; 1raider1; 2nd Bn, 11th Mar; 3D-JOY; 43north; ...

ping


2 posted on 04/19/2025 1:09:13 AM PDT by John Semmens
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To: John Semmens
Misogyny, hate or contempt or prejudice against women. That's a huge difference between hate and prejudice.

on e again women can't even figure out what they want because, chivalry is Clearly misogynistic.

I was born before feminism and thank God I grew up when women were women and men were men.

We need more misogyny, men need to treat women like the weaker sex and women need to start being better at being women than trying to beat men.

Whats the most attractive thing about conservative women? No penis

3 posted on 04/19/2025 3:30:41 AM PDT by Ikeon ( Why don't they, do what they say? Say what they mean? One thing leads to another. )
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To: Ikeon

Wrong thread. This was supposed to go to the women complaining about misogyny.


4 posted on 04/19/2025 3:33:14 AM PDT by Ikeon ( Why don't they, do what they say? Say what they mean? One thing leads to another. )
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To: John Semmens
The enemy is no longer at the gates. It's well inside and working dressed in robes and the pretense of law.
5 posted on 04/19/2025 5:49:28 AM PDT by Worldtraveler once upon a time (Degrow government)
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To: Ikeon; John Semmens

It was a nice sentiment regardless.

I noticed the article ended with Winkin’ Blinken saying that getting terrorists used to a U.S. lifestyle of being on the dole should discourage their savagery. That reminded me of a skit from long ago about “The Laz-E-Boy Strategy”, where they find life in America so superior to their usual caves and hovels that they completely abandon their mission.

The funny thing about that is that it’s mostly true, because we know thousands of potential terrorists have been shipped here with orders to incite havoc and only a tiny few have done so. God Bless ‘Murica!


6 posted on 04/19/2025 6:09:14 AM PDT by MikelTackNailer (I don't usually warmonger but when I do it's about killing terrorists.)
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To: John Semmens

Looks to me that Congre$$ and the Supreme Clowns of the US ahve joined the Deep State in trying to seize control of the US Government.


7 posted on 04/19/2025 7:09:05 AM PDT by antidemoncrat ( )
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To: John Semmens
Ibn al-Murderu
8 posted on 04/19/2025 11:51:29 AM PDT by SuperLuminal (Where is rabble-rising Sam Adams now that we need him? Is his name Trump, now?)
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