Laken Riley Bill Passes House [semi-satire]

Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 12 Jan 2025 | John Semmens

[John Semmens]

The US House of Representatives passed the Laken Riley Bill. The 216 Republicans present were joined by 48 Democrats in voting for the bill. All the opposing 159 votes were cast by Democrats. The legislation requires the Department of Homeland Security to detain illegal immigrants who have committed crimes other than illegally entering the country.

Majority Whip Tom Emmer (R-Minn) argued for the bill, saying "the tragic and preventable murder of Laken Riley serves as a stark reminder of the consequences of failed leadership. The Laken Riley Act is a direct step toward ensuring that criminal illegal aliens are swiftly and permanently removed from our communities and our country."

Several Democrats attempted to explain their opposition to the bill. Rep. Jamie Raskin (D-Md) voted against the measure, saying "it is a radical departure from the policies of the Biden Administration. It will spoil the plans of thousands of immigrants who have adapted to those policies." Rep. Eric Swalwell (D-Calif) also voted against the bill "because it singles out brown criminals for detention. Whites or persons who have not committed crimes get off scot-free."

Over in the Senate, an attempt by several Democrats to filibuster against the bill was thwarted when dozens of mostly sane Democrats joined Republicans in exercising cloture so a vote can be taken on the bill. Sen. Katie Britt (R-Ala), one of the bill's main sponsors, said "Laken Riley's murder was the direct consequence of the willfully open border policies of the Biden administration. The American people did not just deliver a mandate on November 5th, they delivered a verdict. They made it clear they want to remove criminal illegal aliens and protect American families."

Sen. John Fetterman, (D-Pa) contended that "the attitudes of the Democrats who voted against the Laken Riley Bill are why our Party lost the last election. Voters want us to be responsible guardians of the general welfare, not the enablers of rapists and murderers. We need to differentiate between the majority seeking a better life in America through honest work and the evil minority who seek to prey upon the weak and unarmed."

[matthew fuller]

"Sen. John Fetterman, (D-Pa) contended that "the attitudes of the Democrats who voted against the Laken Riley Bill are why our Party lost the last election. Voters want us to be responsible guardians of the general welfare, not the enablers of rapists and murderers. We need to differentiate between the majority seeking a better life in America through honest work and the evil minority who seek to prey upon the weak and unarmed."

I am beginning to like at least some of the attitudes of Sen. Fetterman.