Free Republic
Browse · Search
Bloggers & Personal
Topics · Post Article

Skip to comments.

Kamala Announces Construction Of 'Murderers Only' Express Lane At Southern Border
Babylon Bee ^ | 09?28/2024 | Babylon Bee

Posted on 09/28/2024 11:30:45 AM PDT by DFG

CALEXICO, CA — Border Czarina Suprémè Kamala Harris has just announced that she will be implementing a new national security measure at the southern border checkpoints: a Murderers-Only Express Lane just for illegal immigrants who have been convicted of killing two or more people.

Sources within Kamala's administration say that the measure is meant to help reduce processing times at the border by not making murderers wait quite as long in line.

"We're really just hoping to provide an equitable entrance for these Democrat vot — I mean, honored guests of the United States," said Gayle Quimble, aide to Harris. "The new Murderers-Only lane will hopefully allow us to sort out the wheat from the chaff, so to speak. There are getting to be so many murderers, it's just clogging up the system."

Kamala Harris commented briefly on the situation, saying that she had no connection to the situation and that the country can't take four more years of this.

"When I am in office, from day one I will holistically be undoing the holistic mistakes of the current administration," said the Vice President of the current administration. "Holistically speaking, I have never been the Border Czar holistically, in a holistic since, but I will solve the Border in a very quick yet holistic way. Holistic."

At publishing time, Kamala had also instructed border patrol agents to add lanes for Venezuelan gangs as it was getting too busy to process them all.


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: babylonbee; satire

1 posted on 09/28/2024 11:30:45 AM PDT by DFG
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | View Replies]

To: DFG

lol


2 posted on 09/28/2024 11:32:07 AM PDT by Sacajaweau (mY)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: DFG

With concierge service, of course

Nothing is too good for Biden’s “special guests”


3 posted on 09/28/2024 11:34:49 AM PDT by rdcbn1
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: DFG

As Nancy would say, they are “God’s children.”


4 posted on 09/28/2024 11:38:52 AM PDT by E. Pluribus Unum (The worst thing about censorship is █████ ██ ████ ████ ████ █ ███████ ████. FJB.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: DFG

The Super-Speedway to the complementary for Invaders Only Limited Edition American Dream and an authentic U.S. lifetime membership with a lifetime supply of all the freebies and bennies, race cards and get out of jail free cards you need.


5 posted on 09/28/2024 11:39:22 AM PDT by FlingWingFlyer (The Jamaican/Injun "immigration" plan. Dilute and pollute until America is a third world sewer..)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: DFG

The more serious the crimes they’ve been convicted of in their own country, the more likely they are to vote Democrat. Makes sense.


6 posted on 09/28/2024 11:42:20 AM PDT by Telepathic Intruder
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: DFG

The Bee strikes again.


7 posted on 09/28/2024 11:44:04 AM PDT by metmom (He who testifies to these things says, “Surely I am coming soon.” Amen. Come, Lord Jesus”)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: metmom

Closer to truth than satire

Not sure about the express line at the border, but there is an TSA express line for illegals being flown around the country after they are bussed from the border


8 posted on 09/28/2024 11:55:30 AM PDT by rdcbn1
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 7 | View Replies]

To: DFG

Good Bee gag.

If there were such express lanes there would be thugs killing people to get into the lane.

Maybe take away the “12 Victims or Less” lanes.


9 posted on 09/28/2024 12:07:48 PM PDT by frank ballenger (so then let us set up a last agonizing, bloodcurdling howl, a screech of defiance, a war whoop! )
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: DFG

“Murderer’s Row” takes on a whole new meaning.”


10 posted on 09/28/2024 12:39:52 PM PDT by Deo volente ("When we see the image of a baby in the womb, we glimpse the majesty of God's creation." Pres. Trump)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: DFG

“The Justice Department welcomes you to the Estados Unidos. Here’s your gun.”


11 posted on 09/28/2024 12:42:59 PM PDT by Billthedrill
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: DFG

Harris’ Express Lane is open to those with “10 Crimes or More.”


12 posted on 09/28/2024 12:45:02 PM PDT by citizen (Political incrementalism is like compound interest for liberals - every little bit adds up.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Billthedrill

“The Justice Department welcomes you to the Estados Unidos. Here’s your gun.”

...and your $10,000 prepaid VISA card. Please fill out the voter registration card before you proceed, then pick up your one-way courtesy plane ticket to the small town of your choice. Welcome, Comrade!”


13 posted on 09/28/2024 12:51:21 PM PDT by Deo volente ("When we see the image of a baby in the womb, we glimpse the majesty of God's creation." Pres. Trump)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 11 | View Replies]

To: DFG

“When I am in office, from day one I will holistically be undoing the holistic mistakes of the current administration.
Biden Harris

No wonder her eyes are brown she’s full of shit.


14 posted on 09/28/2024 3:22:23 PM PDT by Vaduz
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.

Free Republic
Browse · Search
Bloggers & Personal
Topics · Post Article

FreeRepublic, LLC, PO BOX 9771, FRESNO, CA 93794
FreeRepublic.com is powered by software copyright 2000-2008 John Robinson