Field Test of Insect Consumption Misfires [semi-satire]

Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 25 August 2024 | John Semmens

[John Semmens]

When some attending the Democrat Convention in Chicago found maggots and crickets in their breakfasts their first instinct was to call the FBI. The FBI is currently trying to figure out how this happened. Director Christopher Wray said "domestic right-wing terrorists, MAGA people are at the top of our suspect list. We are currently searching through Trump's recent speeches to try to ascertain what code words he used to instigate his followers to do the deed."

Others suggested that protesters opposed to the Israeli invasion of Gaza that have been protesting outside the Democratic convention might be responsible. Maggots were found at the Watergate Hotel in Washington where the visiting delegation of Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu was staying last month. Perhaps this is their doing.

It wasn't until today when Antoine Hubert of the World Economic Forum confessed that "the incident stemmed from a surprise field test of our campaign to persuade people to switch away from the traditional farmed beef, pork, and chicken that dominates the American diet. These forms of protein are expensive to produce and worsen the environment. Insects are cheaper to produce and have minimal impact on the environment."

"The response to our statistical approach and appeal for people to make sacrifices to save the planet hasn't made much headway," Hubert lamented. "In desperation, we thought that perhaps a covert operation that simply put insects on people's plates at hotels where the meals are included in the stay might succeed. People might just eat them and discover that they aren't as bad as they think. We didn't mean to cause a ruckus. I guess we'll have to move on to Plan C."

If you missed any of the other Semi-News/Semi-Satire posts you can find them at...

https://www.gopbriefingroom.com/index.php/topic,540215.0.html