Mourning the Passing of OJ Simpson [semi-satire]

This week, former football star, accused murderer, and convicted armed robber OJ Simpson died of cancer. White House press secretary Karine Jean-Pierre expressed condolences saying "our thoughts are with his family during this difficult time. In many ways, he led a tragic life. On the one hand, there were the glories of his achievements on the football field and in the movies he starred in. On the other, there was the tragic murder of his wife Nicole. He was left as a single father of his two young children after a jury found him not guilty of murdering their mother."

In a bid to rescue his reputation following his somewhat dubious acquittal, Simpson wrote If I Did It: Confessions of the Killer in the hope that his imaginary account of the murders as they could have occurred if he had committed them would help police find the real killers. However, the case still remains unsolved.

CNN's Stephanie Elam saw his acquittal in the trial "as providing a modicum of solace to the Black community. So many people were just happy to see that someone who is rich and famous, and black, could get away with the same kind of crime that so many white people have inflicted on Black slaves during America's ugly history. When the jury verdict was read live on Oprah's TV show in 1995 the audience cheered. So, on a grander scale a sort of cosmic justice may have been achieved."

In other news, Secretary of Transportation Pete Buttigieg insists that "fear of rising crime is overblown. I regularly walk my dog on the so-called 'crime ridden streets of the nation's capital. Neither I, my dog, or any member of my armed security detail has ever been attacked by a street thug in the more than three years I've lived here." Other area residents haven't been as lucky. On the same day Buttigieg bragged about how safe the streets are two people walking their dog in his neighborhood were assaulted by six juveniles.

If you missed any of the other Semi-News/Semi-Satire posts you can find them at...

https://www.freedomsphoenix.com/Opinion/360909-2024-04-13-semi-news-semi-satire-april-14-2024-edition.htm

In May of 2009, just about 5 weeks before OJ went to Las Vagas, I came back to the States on what turned out to be nearly a three week MEDICAV out of Brazil. I had been overseas since August 1999 and I had never seen the NFL Channel which was on in the Resturant/Bar area of the Crown Hotel. I was talking to the bar tender and he took my dinner order. He asked if if I liked football and I said yes. A few minutes later a black guy and white walk in and sit down. I instantly felt weird. I didn’t really see the guy as much as just knew who he was. About 10 minutes passed and the white guy left (he had departed for the rest room, the other guy was OJ). The bar tender asked me if I wanted to met a Heisman Trophy Winner and HOF’er.

So OJ and I met and we actually ended up talking the next day, when he had the bar tender or hotel staff call my room. How do you turn down Ribeye with the long bone for super? OJ and I talked about the USC Ohio State game that was coming up as the season opener, and everyday for three weeks this guy calls my room asking for me.

OJ was a Type A personality. He easily could have been in Special Ops. He had that vibe that went with guys that have killed, and more specifically killed using a knife. My life had been surrounded by these people during and after my military retirement... I was working for the State Department and whenever a real operator walked in the room, we know each other - Vibe.

Cut to end of the three weeks, and I was getting ready to leave. I went down and bought an NFL Signature Football. I bought the markers and then saw him at the restruant with his lawyer. I asked OJ to sign a football for my Son - when he was very happy to do. BUT ONE THING. His lawyer said No. He said how can I represent you if you sign this football when you are probably going to jail in two weeks for stealing back your paranafala.... OJ said I was his friend.

Now I can tell you that while he sat and spoke with about four of his coke-head friends (they had a room they would scurry off too every so often), and he laughed about the Media Story about those gloves. OJ said that was a BS Media angle, that the gloves never happened. He very specifically said, and I state, “if I was going to Nicole you don’t think I wouldn’t want to get her blood on my hands”. He then said that punk tennis coach she was sleeping with and her deserved to die. I pretty much know he did it.

Also, during those last few days, his current girlfriend came to the hotel and she had platinum blond hair, and a black eye. I cringed when I saw that. It sickened me and the media circus surrounding that - both her and her daughter told the media her daughter hit her in the eye for hanging out with a murder.... Yea, right. He probably punched her out in a coke and alcohol fueled tirade.

I know most people would not go near a murderer. Hell, most of my life was spent with them, or well with those sanctioned to do that or in combat.

OJ was one hell of football player. He was highly intelligent. He had a great sense of humor.

My son still has the football - of course someone knife it, but it exists in it’s deflated state. Signed: To my good friend Ian, OJ Simspon HOF 20002, or pretty much to that effect as I recall.

Had OJ gone into the Army and Special Forces, he could have carved up anyone he liked on orders;)

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