Posted on 10/06/2023 9:42:14 AM PDT by where's_the_Outrage?
A father of three recently revealed to his eldest daughter that he and their mother planned to retire early and spend all their money during retirement—now she and her sister are furious. Here’s what the dad had to say.
The man and his wife are in their mid-40s, both successful in their respective careers and earning an annual combined income of approximately $300,000.
“We’ve both worked hard to get where we are in our careers and thankfully, that means we’re able to provide a good life for our kids. We aren’t rich, and we don’t live beyond our means,” the husband explained.
It was a long road, as the couple was not given handouts or financial support from their own families.
However, with dedication and hard work, the couple secured their financial future and now provided a comfortable life for their three children—two daughters (aged 20 and 17) and an 11-year-old son.
Although the father was keen to express that he and his wife were not exceedingly wealthy, they’d always budgeted well, saved prudently, and ensured their children had a financially stable upbringing.
However, the couple had unconventional plans regarding the provision of a cash inheritance for their children once they eventually passed away.
Rather than working hard for an extra 25 years in order to bequeath a substantial inheritance to their three heirs, the middle-aged couple decided to retire early and enjoy their retirement before they became too frail and elderly to do so.
“We also don’t want our kids to be counting down the days until we die so they can get our money and never work again,” the father said.
Instead of simply working until retirement age and waiting to die so their hard-earned money could be passed on, the couple planned to reap the fruits of their labor while still relatively young.
They decided to retire when their youngest child graduated high school, diving into their savings and traveling extensively.
Although the man admitted that he had a “rainy day” fund set aside for contingencies and unforeseen circumstances, he and his wife didn’t plan on leaving a hefty inheritance.
“We’ve never really brought this up with any of the kids. For one, it’s our money and our business, and for another, they never asked,” the father admitted.
Although the pair had kept their intentions to themselves, they had been sure to instill in their children the importance of self-reliance.
They would pay half of their children’s educational expenses, but they had no intention of offering further financial aid into their adulthoods. They had explained to their children that there would be no more handouts after completing college.
However, when the father experienced a minor health scare (a precancerous mole that turned out to be entirely treatable), the topic of finances and inheritance surfaced during a conversation with their eldest daughter.
Upon hearing of their parents’ plans, their 20-year-old daughter was dismayed. She accused them of prioritizing “partying” over the well-being of their own children.
The parents explained that they weren’t attempting to deprive their kids but rather to instill in them the value of independence, urging them to pave their own paths just as they had done without relying on an eventual windfall.
This did not placate the daughter, and she soon confided in her younger sister. Both daughters were unhappy—not just about receiving no inheritance, but also about the lack of transparency.
The parents believed it was their money and thus their prerogative, with no obligation to disclose financial decisions. Yet, with rising tensions and two upset children, he began second-guessing this stance.
Looking for an objective viewpoint, he shared his story online, hoping for insights into this delicate familial matter and asking if he should have informed his children of their plans.
One person posted, “YTA. You’re not obligated to leave them anything, but your attitude toward them is very sad. It doesn’t seem like you think very highly of your children’s characters.”
Another questioned, “You’re not just planning to have as good a time as you can afford but to use as much as you possibly can. Do you actually even like your kids? Are you resentful that they have cost money to raise, and doing your best to ensure they get nothing is your revenge?”
It's their money, hope they enjoy it.
That being said, if they had received inheritance from their parents such as a business, then they'd have an obligation to pass it on to their kids.
A favorite bumper sticker of mine says “I’m spending my kids inheritance” and that’s what I intend to do. We raised them to be fiercely independent and that’s what they are. 2 girls.
My wife and I married late-early 40s for me, late 30’s for her. One son in his middle twenties. We have set aside funds for traveling but to quote from “Second Hand Lions” other than those funds and funds for medical issues, “the kid gets it all.”
How sharper than a serpent’s tooth it is to have a thankless child
Sounds like they raised two spoiled brats................
I think it’s gotten harder for each generation. It was harder for us to buy a house than our parents. Retirement income much less generous...private pensions are uncommon. My grandfathers and my mother had government pensions so there is always that.
You could raise a family on one income.
My great grandfather and grandmother made a bundle buying land when it was cheap. It isn’t cheap anymore.
Not complaining, I don’t plan to retire before I have to. I like working.
But I expect my children will have it harder than my generation, and I want to leave them something.
You got to love these people who have families, then do everything they can to leave them nothing because traveling and spending their money in foreign countries are so much more important to them.
When they die, who do they leave their homes, assets, cars and accounts to? Their travel agents?
I’ve told my kids my financial goal is to have my last check bounce. My wife is making that goal attainable.
My FIL planned well and saved a substantial amount for retirement. He and my MIL traveled and enjoyed it which is the way it should be. What was left was to care for her should he pass before her. Sadly, she died before him, and at that point his dementia was already at the mild stage.
Long story short, we took care of him for five years and spent a good bit that money on him - including getting the best in home health money could buy. He did not lack for anything, the best nutrition, equipment, etc., anything that made his life more comfortable and kept him (mostly) in our home. We itemized every expenditure and sent copies to the siblings as well as his bank statements so they could see where the money was going. Not a penny went to us during that time.
His daughter, who couldn’t be bothered to call or visit during those five years threw a fit over the money we spent on him. She had the gall to complain over us wasting her inheritance. I told her plainly, this is still HIS money until he passes, not hers.
There’s a major risk: They may spend so much on traveling, etc., after their early retirement that they don’t have enough money saved for their old age, especially when medical procedures or long-term care are required (or even just the normal expenses of living if they end up having a long life).
And what are they going to do then — turn to their kids for help?!!
If they are smart, they have money set aside for that as well.
Whatever is decided, I just hope that people follow the wishes of parents (or whoever) who pass away.
A very sad story of co-worker whose mother passed away. Her mother and father had explicitly stated and in writing that her and her siblings would get the proceeds of the sale of their home once the sole surviving parent passed away or was sold.
However, the father re-married and once that happened he had a change of heart on distributing the proceeds of the home which had been sold. My co-worker told me she did not believe it was her father’s new wife who was responsible, but rather her father felt that once his wife had died, such an agreement was no longer operative.
Is essentially split the family with some kids saying it was their father’s discretion to do so, and others saying it was wrong to not honor their mother’s wishes. On what I have been able to find out, it’s not a money issue for the kids who object - they feel their mother’s wishes were discarded and that has caused some ill will.
The family has still not reconciled, and I’ve seen the sad toll it has taken on my friend at work.
They are “retiring” very early. I’m sure they will enjoy themselves for five or ten years, but I wouldn’t be surprised if they go back to work out of boredom.
I retired at 65 and my wife at 68. We are following our financial advisor’s advice: Retirement has three stages:
1. Go-go
2. Slow-go
3. No-go
Right now we are 72 and in the Go-go years. Even our “Go-go” isn’t very fast compared to some friends. One couple just took a top-drawer, ultra-luxe African safari for 17 days that set them back $35,000 (without air fare to Africa). They are at this moment on their second big trip this year to Egypt.
We’ve taken three trips this year: A tour through Idaho and Montana; an Alaskan cruise from Seattle (with some family); and a 1,900 driving tour through the Canadian West.
We’ve had some short discussions regarding inheritance with the three kids on what they might get, but fortunately none of the three have raised any issues like the kids in this article. We’ve been generous getting two of the three into their own houses by their early 30s, so we are pre-spending some of their inheritance to help them now when they need it most, not after we croak.
My wife cared for her well off dad for the last 3 years of his life because he’d squandered so much money. This happens all the time.
They kids aren’t even considering the opposite - that other kids have to provide and support their parents in old age.
I never even thought about what I’d get from inheritance. My parents always lived very frugal. If there’s anything left it’ll be split between my brother and I - no expectation of anything super significant.
The shape this world is in, if anyone cares about their children they should leave them a cushion for the hard times ahead. People can lose their job and/or home due to illness. I don’t have much but I plan on leaving what I can for my children. I gave up any inheritance of my parents to my brother who has more need for it than me. I don’t think I would find joy in endless vacations knowing I may be leaving my children in a vulnerable shape in the future. A balance between enjoying (early) retirement and having your childrens well being can be reached after careful consideration.
“I’ve told my kids my financial goal is to have my last check bounce. My wife is making that goal attainable.”
LOL...you really did make me just burst out laughing out loud. Thanks for the chuckle!
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