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Government Clarifies Alert Message Reading 'THE ARACHNIDS ARE HERE, RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!' Just A Test
Babylon Bee ^
| 10/04/2023
| Babylon Bee
Posted on 10/04/2023 11:55:34 AM PDT by DFG
U.S. β The federal government quickly reminded everyone that the emergency alert telling everyone to run from their lives from invading arachnids was merely a test.
"To clarify, the message that we are all about to die was just a test," said the White House. "We're going to assume from the millions of dead boomers lying in the street that the system worked."
After weeks of preparation, the National Emergency Alert System decided to go with invading arachnids for the test message. "It really conveys the level of panic we want people to feel," said Director Amanda Baines. "You hear that sound, we want people running into the streets in terror looking for the mutant monsters that have come to kill us all. I think we're on the right track."
At publishing time, it was discovered that half the United States Senate had died from heart attacks as a result of the test.
TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: alert; arachnids; babylonbee; heartattack; test
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1
posted on
10/04/2023 11:55:34 AM PDT
by
DFG
To: DFG
I for one welcome our new spider overlords.
2
posted on
10/04/2023 11:56:28 AM PDT
by
Harmless Teddy Bear
(Keep America Beautiful by keeping Canadian Trash Out. Deport Jennifer Granholm!)
To: DFG
I knew I should of bought that flamer thrower last week.
3
posted on
10/04/2023 11:57:16 AM PDT
by
MNJohnnie
(Don't blame me, my congressman is MTG!)
To: Harmless Teddy Bear
4
posted on
10/04/2023 11:57:25 AM PDT
by
MNJohnnie
(Don't blame me, my congressman is MTG!)
To: Harmless Teddy Bear
Why not, could it be any worse than now, spiders are an industrious species, maybe we could learn something from them.
No one teaches them how to build a web but they build some of the most intricate webs imaginable and they do it over night, something to be said for that.
5
posted on
10/04/2023 11:59:45 AM PDT
by
srmanuel
To: DFG
run from their lives?..........................
6
posted on
10/04/2023 12:00:43 PM PDT
by
Red Badger
(Homeless veterans camp in the streets while illegal aliens are put up in hotels.....................)
To: srmanuel
7
posted on
10/04/2023 12:01:45 PM PDT
by
Red Badger
(Homeless veterans camp in the streets while illegal aliens are put up in hotels.....................)
To: DFG
8
posted on
10/04/2023 12:01:50 PM PDT
by
NorthMountain
(... the right of the peopIe to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed)
To: DFG
Silly humans, you can’t run from the Arachnids. Your best move is to remain perfectly still and hope they pass you by without noticing.
9
posted on
10/04/2023 12:03:04 PM PDT
by
Boogieman
To: NorthMountain
Only thing is we donβt have armored suits.
To: DFG
We Had a good run πββοΈ
To: DFG
all three of my phone’s froze and had to rebooted. I can only.imagine what crap they installed. Time for a factory reboot.
12
posted on
10/04/2023 12:04:56 PM PDT
by
Organic Panic
(Democrats. Memories as short as Joe Biden's eyes)
To: Redcitizen
No armored suits, no nuclear bazookas (used to though), and most importantly no starships.
13
posted on
10/04/2023 12:06:35 PM PDT
by
NorthMountain
(... the right of the peopIe to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed)
To: DFG
14
posted on
10/04/2023 12:08:27 PM PDT
by
dynachrome
(War does not determine who is right, but who is left.)
To: DFG
I wondered what the pop up window with "los arachnidos" was talking about.
Seriously, I got two messages and the first was in Spanish.
15
posted on
10/04/2023 12:13:05 PM PDT
by
KarlInOhio
(Democrats' version of MAGA: Making America the Gulag Archipelago )
To: DFG
The population reduction actions are just a test. Much more to come.
16
posted on
10/04/2023 12:13:52 PM PDT
by
MtnClimber
(For photos of Colorado scenery and wildlife, click on my screen name for my FR home page.)
To: DFG
Of course the alert came in two minutes early..nothing this idiotic Govt does is ever done right
To: KarlInOhio
Seriously, I got two messages and the first was in Spanish.Mine were in Chinese, hmmm
18
posted on
10/04/2023 12:17:49 PM PDT
by
1Old Pro
To: Sarah Barracuda
event the phones in “silent mode” rang.
Who the hell allowed the gov the right to mess with my personal property?
19
posted on
10/04/2023 12:18:21 PM PDT
by
9422WMR
To: NorthMountain
Starship Troopers Its's the end.
20
posted on
10/04/2023 12:18:36 PM PDT
by
Bounced2X
(Boomer - I survived childhood with no bike helmet.)
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