Posted on 07/20/2023 8:49:00 PM PDT by SeekAndFind
In 2021, the median salary for Americans 25 to 34 was $52,156 per year. Meanwhile, the cost of the average wedding was around $30,000. What’s wrong with this picture?
You have young couples getting together, struggling to pay their bills, maybe with college debt to pay off, probably getting ready to work on a kid – which we all know is insanely expensive these days – and they’re going to spend $30,000+ on a one-day ceremony. Let’s also not forget that a man is supposed to spend a “two-month salary” on an engagement ring. That’s another $8,692 of that median salary. Now, we’re pushing up towards $40,000 – and that’s before the honeymoon, which may add thousands more.
You may say, “Well technically, the bride’s family is supposed to pay for the wedding.” Yes. TECHNICALLY. But does that always happen? No. Even if it did, would that young couple be better off starting with $30,000 that they could use for a down payment on a new home? How about spending that money on a mid-sized car? What about just having $30,000 in the bank in a world where 64% of Americans say they live “paycheck-to-paycheck?”
Of course, it could be worse than just spending $30,000, which could make a huge difference in getting your marriage off to a good start. An awful lot of Americans actually GO INTO DEBT to pay for their weddings:
Unfortunately, many couples start their wedding planning assuming they can keep costs under control. But a 2019 study by LendingTree found that 45% of newlyweds went into debt for their wedding.
This is particularly ironic because (depending on which statistics you believe), somewhere between 40-50% of all marriages end in divorce. Does anyone actually have an ex they wish they’d spent an extra $30,000 on instead of banking it? Exactly. Worse yet, what causes divorces? Well, there are a variety of things, but take a look at #5:
How many marriages do you think have ended up in divorce at least in part because of financial problems related to the wedding? It has to be a small, but significant percentage, right?
With that in mind, why are there so many big weddings, particularly since, let’s be 100% honest, very few men care about having a big wedding ceremony? If anything, the vast majority of men don’t even want to attend a wedding, much less be strong-armed into paying an exorbitant amount of money and doing months of planning for an elaborate ceremony they’re only participating in to please their future wife. If their future wife were to say (and genuinely mean), “What I really want is to get married in a nice, quiet ceremony with just our parents and siblings,” the number of guys that would push back on that to try to get the huge ceremony is going to be infinitesimal.
Once, extravagant weddings probably made more practical sense in a, “If he can’t afford the wedding, how can he afford to support his new wife at home” kind of way. However, not only has it become much more common for women to work outside of the home, weddings have gotten several orders of magnitude more expensive over the years:
Is there any practical reason why marriages need to be so expensive and elaborate these days? Not at all. So, why is it like this? You can sum it all up in one word: Marketing.
From the time they’re little girls, women are hit with marketing about their “special day” that’s “just about them.” They see other weddings that look glamorous and cool. They look at more marketing, then they tell themselves, “Mine is going to be even better than that one day!” They often start thinking about venues when they’re teenagers, spend hundreds of hours planning it in their minds, romanticize the whole event, and then when the time comes to get married, they want everything to be “perfect” so they can show off their pictures for years to come. But, what really makes the day so special? Is it the ceremony along with the “perfect” dress, hors d'oeuvre, and flower arrangements? Or is it that they’re committing to a man that they’re hopefully going to raise children with? The man they’re hopefully going to spend the rest of their life with?
Now, I get it. Some women love their weddings. Some women have been dreaming of this big day since they were little, and they just can’t give up on the idea. Fair enough. However, if you’re a woman and that doesn’t describe you, you can be one of the women that helps break this chain. You can be one of the women who helps normalize getting rid of these over-the-top, wildly expensive, over-dramatic ceremonies. There are already women who are fine with small ceremonies or eloping to Vegas, but once it gets to a critical mass and more people start praising women like this for “putting their marriage first” and “being low maintenance,” the whole marriage ceremony industry will start to change for the better.
>> ...women are hit with marketing about their “special day” that’s “just about them.”
Wha?? You mean that only applies to WEDDING DAY??? I was told that EVERY DAY is a “special day” “just about them”.
Honey!!! We have to talk...
So what? Like if they have the money why not? I uber folks to Vegas or places in AZ for twenty-five grand a seat. Why should we tell people how they want to spend their money? Just saying.
Top Reason For Divorce:
Marriage
My wife and I came in way under the 1930s price. Home made food/cake in the church basement, bride made her own dress. One glass of champagne for booze. A remote location (northern Alberta) so the groom only had three guests (my mother, my best man, and one college pal).
I did spend more for the suit ($650), but it was also my business/Sunday suit for the next 13 years before wearing out.
$30k for a wedding?
The bar tab at our wedding was more than that, heck the dessert table may have cost almost that.
My soon to be mother in law took it all over and it got out of control really fast.
Margaret Mead did the definitive research on expensive weddings in book about the Arapesh in New Guinea... Funny book - how to turn happy freedom loving young people into grump adult with one culture move. Brilliant.
It should be up to the parents. Do they have the money or not? If that’s not the case, get the chicken catered from KFC. It’ll taste better than the typical wedding reception fare anyway.
A nice wedding for 100 people should run about $20K (that includes everything). I just did one for my oldest son: 50 people, $10K. Food and location was $6K. Bridal outfit was $1K, suit and shoes, $500, DJ, photographer, flowers, decorations, invitations, etc, $2,500.
When my husband and I married 30 years ago, we paid $16,000 for our wedding; $10K was on the food and hall. We had 100 guests. We had a blow-out NY style wedding with church ceremony, massive cocktail hour, 3 course dinner, two cakes, open bar, etc. Paid for it ourselves. It was on par with other weddings in the family.
I’ve been to backyard weddings with BBQ and a DJ, super simple but lots of fun. Total bill was about $2K.
You don’t have to break the bank.
There's absolutely no reason why it should cost five figures to plant someone in the dirt. Our ancestors used to do that for nothing more than the cost of a pine box and the time it took to dig a hole.
Try funerals.
There’s absolutely no reason why it should cost five figures to plant someone in the dirt.
“Hey! You’re young and swingin’.....”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BXRxYLfq78g
Does this mean that there will be no more lavish bachelor parties with heavy drinking and stripers?
I went to a wedding in the early 90s where the bride and groom were next to each other on horseback as they said their vows. They had met in an advanced horseback class.
The wedding was on a ranch and we were all wearing jeans and western shirts, including the minister and the wedding party. BBQ was served, there was an C&W / Top 40 band and I think the most lavish expense was probably the open bar.
They’re still married today and their three kids are all grown.
Don’t know, I’ve never been to a wedding in my adult life.
RE: Does this mean that there will be no more lavish bachelor parties with heavy drinking and stripers?
Ohhh yeah, and don’t forget to add the tab for Bridal Showers.
I was raised in Northern New Jersey and large weddings. Once I moved away I realized just how silly these massive blow outs are. I prepared my family with the knowledge that I preferred smaller weddings. When I did get married over 25 years ago we had a nice wedding for 80 guests with a church service, a sit down reception, and a piano player. We paid about 8 thousand. My husband and I paid for it and accumulated no debt. Just work within your budget and plan within your means.
I gave my daughter and future SIL a budget. They could keep any monies not spent on the wedding for themselves.
It was a small budget. I think it was $600.
Between his family and ours being small town people,
they had a big wedding and money left over.
which paid for a honeymoon in Oceanside OR.
This was mid 1990’s in WA state.
They are still married.
A judge and immediate family, then dinner with family and friends. All I need.
I pay taxes than that every damned year to pay for government garbage. I would at least get honeymoon sex if I got married every year.
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