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Military To End Vax Mandate Now That All The Conservatives Have Been Weeded Out
Babylon Bee ^ | 01/11/2023 | Babylon Bee

Posted on 01/11/2023 2:45:36 PM PST by DFG

U.S. — Secretary of Defense Lloyd Austin has officially reversed the COVID vaccine requirement for the military, as it is no longer needed now that all the Conservatives have been weeded out.

"This vaccine was a great success in helping us eliminate anyone who valued freedom, thought critically, or voted Republican," said Austin. "Now that those pesky conservatives have been forcibly removed from our military, we can finally move forward in our sacred mission of promoting diversity, equity, and inclusion around the world! Also, bombing kids in Yemen. Can't forget that."

Authorities at the Pentagon are now confident they have a completely obedient, sufficiently woke fighting force capable of any mission, as long as the mission doesn't include prolonged, strenuous activity which seems to be causing people's hearts to explode for some reason. "Our military has never been stronger!" said Austin as he left for his weekly blood clot-removal procedure at the hospital.

At publishing time, the Navy had also started playing Elton John 24/7 on bases and ships to weed out the rest of the straight males.


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: austin; babylonbee; covid; isthisthebee; military; thebeesatire; vaccine
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1 posted on 01/11/2023 2:45:36 PM PST by DFG
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To: DFG

It’s not satire when true


2 posted on 01/11/2023 2:50:47 PM PST by ConservativeInPA (Stupidly is a moral problem, not an intellectual problem. )
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To: ConservativeInPA

Suddenly there is a need for a draft.


3 posted on 01/11/2023 2:51:31 PM PST by Jonty30 (THE URGE TO SAVE THE WORLD IS ALMOST ALWAYS AN URGE TO RULE IT)
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To: ConservativeInPA

“It’s not satire when true”
Y’all nailed that.
Sometimes I think BB slips in the truth just to mess
with liberals.


4 posted on 01/11/2023 3:02:02 PM PST by rellic
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To: ConservativeInPA

Yup

They have no plans to fix their records or discharge statuses.


5 posted on 01/11/2023 3:03:34 PM PST by Secret Agent Man (Gone Galt; not averse to Going Bronson.)
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To: DFG

More satire that’s not satire because it’s true...

Government is basically made to kill people. That’s one thing they do very well. Why was the U.S. federal government created in the 1780’s? To kill people. Only the people it was created to kill were those of any foreign country that would invade America. The Feds were created to protect the people of America.

But the government is like a wolf on a chain guarding the hen house. The chain is to keep the wolf from turning on the hens in the hen house. In this case, the chain is the Constitution limiting the power of the feds. The feds have broken their chain. We’re the hens. We’re in trouble.

Here’s a little diddy about all of this…

It’s a song called, WUHAN VACCINE AGAIN (played to the tune of “Werewolves of London”). Read it through and see what you think. After that, if you want, join me in having fun singing along using the karaoke link below.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nvN56FD6-vg

Common, everybody sing along…

I saw Klaus Schwab with a Chinese menu in his hand
Coming from WEF in the rain
He was lookin’ for the place called Lee Ho Fook’s
Gonna get a big dish of beef chow mein

Aah-hoo Wuhan Vaccine
Aah-hooooooooooooooo
Aah-hoo Wuhan Vaccine
Aah-hooooooooooooooo…

You might hear them howlin’ around your kitchen door.
Better not let ‘em in.
Young people dropping like flies
Wuhan Vaccine again

Aah-hoo Wuhan Vaccine
Aah-hooooooooooooooo
Aah-hoo Wuhan Vaccine
Aah-hooooooooooooooo…
huh!

**** Lead Break ****

It’s the heavy-handed Scare
Misnamed Government Healthcare
But it’s actually the Death Protocol nightmare
You better stay away from them
They’ll clog your arteries Jim
I’d like to meet their accountants

Aah-hoo Wuhan Vaccine
Aah-hooooooooooooooo
Aah-hoo Wuhan Vaccine
Aah-hooooooooooooooo…

Whoa, I saw CDC walkin’ with the Queen
Doing the Wuhan Vaccine
I saw Dr. Fauci walkin’ with the Queen
Doing the Wuhan Vaccine

I saw them drinkin’ pina coladas at Trader Vics
They were thick as thieves
Yep!

Aah-hoooooooooo
Wuhan Vaccine
Droppin’ like flies
Aah-hoooooooooo
Wuhan Vaccine


6 posted on 01/11/2023 3:04:47 PM PST by Jim W N (MAGA by restoring the Gospel of the Grace of Christ (Jude 3) and our Free Constitutional Republic!)
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To: DFG

The wokeness did not make it into every unit.


7 posted on 01/11/2023 3:08:21 PM PST by lurk (u)
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To: DFG

Milley and Austin are very angry.


8 posted on 01/11/2023 3:20:19 PM PST by tennmountainman ( Less Lindell CONS, More AZ Style Audits)
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To: DFG
"This vaccine was a great success in helping us eliminate anyone who valued freedom, thought critically, or voted Republican," said Austin. "Now that those pesky conservatives have been forcibly removed from our military, we can finally move forward ...

Now that idiot Austin will call for the draft or reducing standards... empty the jails and prisons - sign up criminals and thugs. What could possible go wrong?

9 posted on 01/11/2023 3:37:40 PM PST by GOPJ ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=muw22wTePqQ Gumballs: Immigrants by the numbers.)
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To: Jim W N

👍


10 posted on 01/11/2023 3:49:14 PM PST by griswold3 (Truth, Beauty and Goodness )
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To: Travis McGee; Jet Jaguar; markomalley; DYngbld; TADSLOS; xsrdx; big'ol_freeper; Mark17; mikefive; ..
"This vaccine was a great success in helping us eliminate anyone who valued freedom, thought critically, or voted Republican," said Austin. "Now that those pesky conservatives have been forcibly removed from our military, we can finally move forward in our sacred mission of promoting diversity, equity, and inclusion around the world!

ping

11 posted on 01/11/2023 4:00:03 PM PST by GOPJ ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=muw22wTePqQ Gumballs: Immigrants by the numbers.)
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To: markomalley; DYngbld; TADSLOS; xsrdx; big'ol_freeper; Mark17; mikefive; JDoutrider; ...

Bee ping.


12 posted on 01/11/2023 4:30:43 PM PST by Jet Jaguar
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To: GOPJ

Thanks.


13 posted on 01/11/2023 4:31:29 PM PST by Jet Jaguar
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To: GOPJ

There is a Bee ping list!!

Oh yeah, add me to it!

Ping me baby bee


14 posted on 01/11/2023 5:06:30 PM PST by texas booster (Join FreeRepublic's Folding@Home team (Team # 36120) Cure Alzheimer's!)
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To: tennmountainman
Milley and Austin are very angry.

If Trump gets back in, maybe he can prosecute them, simply because they are stupid.

15 posted on 01/11/2023 6:27:33 PM PST by Mark17 (Retired USAF air traffic controller. Father of USAF pilot. USAF aviation runs in the family )
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To: All

Isn’t satire supposed to contain some element of fiction?


16 posted on 01/11/2023 6:41:43 PM PST by Peter ODonnell (If Arizona held the Olympic Games, Usain Bolt would lose to Joe Biden)
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To: texas booster

Sorry, I don’t have a Bee ping list - just thought you might enjoy this one.


17 posted on 01/11/2023 7:59:54 PM PST by GOPJ ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=muw22wTePqQ Gumballs: Immigrants by the numbers.)
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To: Jet Jaguar

Sure, I thought you would enjoy this one. Funny stuff.


18 posted on 01/11/2023 8:00:38 PM PST by GOPJ ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=muw22wTePqQ Gumballs: Immigrants by the numbers.)
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To: Jet Jaguar

pretty much...


19 posted on 01/11/2023 8:07:58 PM PST by Chode (there is no fall back position, there's no rally point, there is no LZ... we're on our own. #FJB)
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To: DFG

Satire posts all need an identifier now.

Too hard to distinguish from reality.

Laughing at those that fall for it actually attacks our most diligent.


20 posted on 01/11/2023 8:12:54 PM PST by Golden Eagle (The LGBT indoctrination agenda is designed to outlaw the Bible, and anyone who follows it.)
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