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Tim Cook Says He's Ready To Pull Twitter From App Store Once President Xi Gives The Order
Babylon Bee ^ | 11/29/2022 | Babylon Bee

Posted on 11/29/2022 5:46:53 PM PST by DFG

CUPERTINO, CA — Apple CEO Tim Cook confirmed this morning that he's prepared to remove the Twitter app from the App Store but that he's waiting for orders from CCP President Xi before he makes a move.

"I never make a business decision without first consulting the great and magnificent President Xi, blessings on his name," said Cook in a statement. "My company lives to serve the People's Republic of China and The Chinese Communist Party, and I will resign myself to his divine will."

"If he gives the order, Twitter will be gone from the App Store."

Cook emphasized, however, that the popular Chinese spy and child exploitation app TikTok will always have a platform in the App Store. "TikTok is an essential tool for advancing Chinese interests around the world and for protecting my cheap slave labor in the country. It will never be removed."

Chinese authorities have thanked Cook for his statement and promised to have updated orders for the tech company within a week.

At publishing time, Google claimed they were not beholden to China in any way, but that they would do whatever Apple did.


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: apple; babylonbee; china; cook; homosexualagenda; redchina; strangerthanfiction; timcook; xi

1 posted on 11/29/2022 5:46:53 PM PST by DFG
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To: DFG

Not far from the truth.


2 posted on 11/29/2022 5:52:32 PM PST by Carriage Hill (A society grows great when old men plant trees, in whose shade they know they will never sit.)
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To: DFG

You hit the floor when your read this so funny.


3 posted on 11/29/2022 5:53:02 PM PST by Nextrush (FREEDOM IS EVERBODY'S BUSINESS-REMEMBER PASTOR NIEMOLLER)
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To: null and void; aragorn; EnigmaticAnomaly; kalee; Kale; AZ .44 MAG; Baynative; bgill; bitt; ...

P


4 posted on 11/29/2022 5:54:05 PM PST by bitt (<img src=' 'width=50%>)
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To: DFG

I thought it was ABC News.


5 posted on 11/29/2022 5:59:04 PM PST by Luke21
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To: DFG

Would that mean that Cook was Shanghaied?

(The answer is hidden; no fair Peking.)


6 posted on 11/29/2022 5:59:16 PM PST by chajin ("There is no other name under heaven given among people by which we must be saved." Acts 4:12)
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To: DFG


"Yes, Your Majesty!  Right away, Your Majesty!
Delete the Tweet?   You got it, your majesty!"

7 posted on 11/29/2022 6:08:12 PM PST by Songcraft
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To: DFG

Yet another eye-catching headline from BB, which is so close to the truth.


8 posted on 11/29/2022 6:09:17 PM PST by FamiliarFace (I got my own way of livin' But everything gets done With a southern accent Where I come from. TP)
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To: Carriage Hill

CNN, right?


9 posted on 11/29/2022 6:17:04 PM PST by ptsal (Vote R.E.D. >>>Remove Every Democrat ***)
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To: DFG

This is believable.


10 posted on 11/29/2022 6:24:56 PM PST by mrmeyer (You can't conquer a free man; the most you can do is kill him. Robert Heinlein)
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To: DFG

This is an accurate opinion piece, in my opinion.


11 posted on 11/29/2022 6:49:51 PM PST by fishtank (The denial of original sin is the root of liberalism.)
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To: DFG

12 posted on 11/29/2022 7:01:38 PM PST by SmokingJoe ( )
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To: DFG

Not funny. Sadly, not funny.


13 posted on 11/29/2022 7:43:16 PM PST by drSteve78 (Je suis Deplorable STILL)
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To: drSteve78

It can raise a few sardonic laughs though.


14 posted on 11/29/2022 8:12:51 PM PST by Olog-hai ("No Republican, no matter how liberal, is going to woo a Democratic vote." -- Ronald Reagan, 1960)
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To: DFG

Indistinguishable from reality.


15 posted on 11/29/2022 9:18:25 PM PST by GnuThere
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To: DFG

You scared the He!! out of me, Babylon.

Stop being more close to the truth than CNN.


16 posted on 11/29/2022 9:23:51 PM PST by Maris Crane
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To: DFG

I like the last paragraph the best 😂


17 posted on 11/29/2022 9:42:07 PM PST by steve86 (Prophecies of Maelmhaedhoc O'Morgair (Latin form: Malachy))
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To: ptsal

I read it somewhere; can’t remember. Don’t do CNN or any of that leftist crap.


18 posted on 11/30/2022 4:45:18 AM PST by Carriage Hill (A society grows great when old men plant trees, in whose shade they know they will never sit.)
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