Posted on 08/08/2022 10:55:03 AM PDT by EBH
A man calls Pizza hut to order a pizza...
CALLER: Is this Pizza Hut?
GOOGLE: No sir, it's Google Pizza.
CALLER: I must have dialed a wrong number, sorry.
GOOGLE: No sir, Google bought Pizza Hut last month.
CALLER: OK. I would like to order a pizza.
GOOGLE: Do you want your usual, sir?
CALLER: My usual? You know me?
GOOGLE: According to our caller ID data sheet, the last 12 times you called you ordered an extra-large pizza with three cheeses, sausage, pepperoni, mushrooms and meatballs on a thick crust.
CALLER: Super! That’s what I’ll have.
GOOGLE: May I suggest that this time you order a pizza with ricotta, arugula, sun-dried tomatoes and olives on a whole wheat gluten-free thin crust?
CALLER: What? I don’t want a vegetarian pizza!
GOOGLE: Your cholesterol is not good, sir.
CALLER: How do you know that?
GOOGLE: Well, we cross-referenced your home phone number with your medical records. We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years.
CALLER: Okay, but I do not want your rotten vegetarian pizza! I already take medication for my cholesterol. GOOGLE: Excuse me sir, but you have not taken your medication regularly. According to our database, you purchased only a box of 30 cholesterol tablets once at Lloyds Pharmacy, 4 months ago.
CALLER: I bought more from another Pharmacy.
GOOGLE: That doesn’t show on your credit card statement.
CALLER: I paid in cash.
GOOGLE: But you did not withdraw enough cash according to your bank statement.
CALLER: I have other sources of cash.
GOOGLE: That doesn’t show on your latest tax returns unless you bought them using an undeclared income source, which is against the law!
CALLER: WHAT THE !!!
GOOGLE: I'm sorry sir, we use such information only with the sole intention of helping you.
CALLER: Enough already! I'm sick to death of Google, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp and all the others. I'm going to an island without the internet, TV, where there is no phone service and no one to watch me or spy on me.
GOOGLE: I understand sir, but you need to renew your passport first. It expired 6 weeks ago...
There are (very expensive) “expiditors “ for passports, State Dept apostilles, visa signatures, etc. Even “FBI” background checks are UPS Store rent-a-printer.
Note to self: renew passport.
The phone is listening. Mine is the same way. They’ll read this and fix the problem.
I have always lived by the belief of:
“TRUST NO ONE, BELIEVE NOTHING, ONLY ACT ON DATA THAT YOU HAVE RESEARCHED AND PROVEN TO YOUR OWN SATISFACTION”!
It has served me well through out my 70+ years.
Your wife ought to pretend she is his Grandmother (her voice just changed because of recent throat surgery), get him talking then tell him what an “UNGRATEFUL LITTLE SHIT HE IS AND THAT THE DEMONS OF HELL ARE COMING TO RIP HIS HEART OUT AND EAT IT WHILE HE WATCHES, THEN DRAG HIS SOUL TO HELL TO TORTURE HIM FOR ETERNITY”.
Bet the little GRIFTER NEVER CALLS AGAIN!
Yeah; I know; I am a mean, wicked old bastard, but I really hate what I consider to be prank calls!
I just recently had my wife buy me an eyeglass repair kit (hundreds of tiny screws, washers, nuts, and nose pieces), now she says they wont stop sending her dozens of adds for eyeglass repair kits; GO FIGURE!
My phone stays in the desk drawer, never take it anywhere with me.
Ran the charging cable into the drawer, if I want to make a call it’s there.
Once a week I turn it on and delete everything except those numbers I recognize.
Drives my wife crazy, I just tell her nothing is so important that it can’t be said in person!
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