Free Republic
Browse · Search
Bloggers & Personal
Topics · Post Article

Skip to comments.

Oh No! Biden Promises To End Cancer Just Like He Shut Down COVID And Now We All Have Cancer
Babylon Bee ^ | 02/03/2022 | Babylon Bee

Posted on 02/03/2022 1:11:05 PM PST by DFG

WASHINGTON, D.C.—President Biden has promised to end cancer, citing his excellent record in shutting down the coronavirus. But oh no! Now everyone in the U.S. has cancer!

Within minutes of Biden's announcement that he would be ending cancer, over 300 million new cancer cases were reported. It wasn't clear how so many people got cancer so fast, but no matter how it happened, many are blaming Biden for his bungling of the cancer situation.

"Listen, folks, I'm gonna shut this whole cancer thing down," Biden said at a press conference Thursday. "We're gonna - ahem, excuse me - we're gonna stop, we're gonna stop this thing. Excuse me for a minute." Biden then broke down into a coughing fit and was taken in for a medical evaluation, which revealed that he had 17 kinds of cancer, including several that hadn't even been invented yet. Reporters began demanding answers, but all were rushed to the hospital with cancer as well.

Some sources say Trump even developed a cure for cancer before leaving office and had a clear plan for getting it distributed. But somehow, after the cure was passed off to the Biden administration, cancer cases exploded. CNN is blaming Trump, calling cancer the "Trumpcancer", though they have taken their cancer death counter off their broadcast now that Biden is in office.

At publishing time, Biden had announced he would be ending gun violence for good and oh no! I've just been shot!


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: babylonbee; biden; cancer; covid; vaccine

1 posted on 02/03/2022 1:11:05 PM PST by DFG
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | View Replies]

To: DFG

The BiXiden Crime Fam already scammed the cancer fixing bidness when Zer0 wuz prezzy.


2 posted on 02/03/2022 1:14:17 PM PST by Paladin2
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: DFG

There is only one thing he can end, and that is HIS presidency by resigning and letting someone else take over, no matter who, except Kamala.

But, he can end the illegal aliens streaming across the border by letting the border patrol arrest everybody crossing and sending them all back where they came from.

He can also end all federal mask and vaccine mandates, before his resignation.


3 posted on 02/03/2022 1:16:36 PM PST by adorno
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: DFG

....AND he turned me into a kewt!


4 posted on 02/03/2022 1:24:50 PM PST by Nateman (Xi Jinping is the most diabolical enemy America has ever had. 🍊)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Nateman

Newt. There. I got better.


5 posted on 02/03/2022 1:27:19 PM PST by Nateman (Xi Jinping is the most diabolical enemy America has ever had. 🍊)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 4 | View Replies]

In 5 years, it will be noticed that the spike in cancers correlates with the jab, but nobody will be allowed to say it


6 posted on 02/03/2022 1:28:31 PM PST by dsrtsage ( Complexity is just simple lacking imagination)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 4 | View Replies]

To: DFG

Hell, he might as well shoot for the moon and cure blindness while he’s at it.


7 posted on 02/03/2022 1:32:40 PM PST by unixfox (Abolish Slavery, Repeal the 16th Amendment)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: DFG

The only thing we want Biden to do is to end his inept Presidency and take his diverse but useless administration with him.


8 posted on 02/03/2022 1:34:31 PM PST by antidemoncrat (somRead more at: https://economicti Astronomers see white dwarf 'switch on and off' for first time)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: DFG

The War on Cancer has been funded by the government since 1970 and was though to caused by a Virus which was wrong. Researchers have been all over the map in trying to find a cause and a cure and we are still using the same toxic treatments we have been.


9 posted on 02/03/2022 1:37:02 PM PST by Captain Peter Blood (https://www.freerepublic.com/focus/bloggers/3804407/posts?q=1)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: DFG
The MRNA vaccines were initially conceived as a means to deliver an effective cancer treatment and possibly cure the cancer.

We posted many hopeful articles over the years. Post Covid they may have finally figured out how to get it to work.

Which will be an interesting conundrum to watch; do the anti vaccine crowd decide to embrace hysterics over a potential cure for cancer, perhaps for a loved one?

Do the potential negatives of such a vaccine outweigh the potential negatives of cancer?

Do they say “chuck it all” and decide Pfizer simply wants to disguise the old vaccine as a cure for cancer so they can inject more covidz into unsuspecting pure bludz?

Have no doubt, we will hear it all, maybe even read it here.

10 posted on 02/03/2022 1:38:12 PM PST by Caipirabob (Communists...Socialists...Fascists & AntiFa...Democrats...Traitors... Who can tell the difference?)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: DFG
Buyden is just copying John Rockefeller who invented drugs that caused cancer and started businesses to cure cancer or maybe Rockefeller is pulling his strings.
11 posted on 02/03/2022 1:49:52 PM PST by mountainlion (Live well for those that did not make it back.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: DFG
This guy telling the world what he thinks of Biden....


12 posted on 02/03/2022 1:57:37 PM PST by caww ( )
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Captain Peter Blood

Some have said that Ivermectin may have helped to reduce cancer — the reason the government is banning Ivermectin. Cancer treatment is big bucks for Big Pharma and it’s in government/pharma’s interests to keep cancer alive.


13 posted on 02/03/2022 1:59:41 PM PST by MayflowerMadam (When government fears the people, there is liberty.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 9 | View Replies]

To: Captain Peter Blood

“The War on Cancer has been funded by the government since 1970”.

A little history:

https://www.cancer.gov/research/progress/250-years-milestones

“1937: The National Cancer Institute (NCI)

Legislation signed by President Franklin D. Roosevelt establishes the National Cancer Institute (NCI).”


14 posted on 02/03/2022 2:03:00 PM PST by cgbg (A kleptocracy--if they can keep it. Think of it as the Cantillon Effect in action.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 9 | View Replies]

To: MayflowerMadam

If Cancer were literally cured tomorrow think what would close, all hospital treatment centers , at least 2 million out of work, Medical GDP would drop from 20% to whatever, maybe 5% where is should be anyway, but under 10% for sure.
No more need for toxic treatments that really don’t work.

They don’t want a cure.


15 posted on 02/03/2022 2:04:55 PM PST by Captain Peter Blood (https://www.freerepublic.com/focus/bloggers/3804407/posts?q=1)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 13 | View Replies]

To: cgbg

I have been reading Dr. Peter Duesberg’s book, Inventing the AIDS Virus and I think he covered some of that. The real money started in 1970 with the passage of legislation giving more money and priority to fight cancer.


16 posted on 02/03/2022 2:07:13 PM PST by Captain Peter Blood (https://www.freerepublic.com/focus/bloggers/3804407/posts?q=1)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 14 | View Replies]

To: DFG

This sounds way too much like an 0bama thing..

HE’S the one who believes he’s a god.

Remember when he was gonna stop the oceans from rising?


17 posted on 02/03/2022 2:08:01 PM PST by joethedrummer (We can’t vote our way out of this, folks..)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: DFG

Biden’s plan is for you to get another booster, that ought to take care of any of your remaining T cells. These people are both wicked and stupid beyond measure.


18 posted on 02/03/2022 4:01:15 PM PST by iontheball
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: antidemoncrat
The only thing we want Biden to do is to end his inept Presidency and take his diverse but useless administration with him.

They're certainly not diverse in their feckless idiocy, are they?

19 posted on 02/03/2022 4:18:35 PM PST by Bullish (This is the most bloated and most inept govt in history.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 8 | View Replies]

Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.

Free Republic
Browse · Search
Bloggers & Personal
Topics · Post Article

FreeRepublic, LLC, PO BOX 9771, FRESNO, CA 93794
FreeRepublic.com is powered by software copyright 2000-2008 John Robinson