Posted on 01/19/2022 3:52:30 PM PST by DFG
WASHINGTON, D.C.—Citing the need for extra precaution and safety, Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor announced her decision to hear the high court’s oral arguments from a remote location in order to protect herself from exposure to the U.S. Constitution.
“I read online that exposure to the Constitution causes over 100,000 Americans to become white supremacists every day,” said Justice Sotomayor while wearing a face shield and three masks over a Zoom call. “These scientific facts have informed my decision to stay as far away as I can from the dangerous document.”
Critics have called out the Supreme Court Justice for being a staggering doofus. Her associate, Justice Clarence Thomas, proved her suspicions ill-informed by demonstrating his daily routine of pulling out the original document, reading it aloud, and pressing it close to his face so he could inhale the aged parchment’s magical liberty-promoting fragrance.
At publishing time, Justice Sotomayor was requesting a full brainectomy after hearing the use of one’s brain may lead to thoughts and feelings of liberty, justice, and independence.
Love that Bee.
I’m in awe everyday with how the B.Bee can keep coming up with all this material. They put every other comedy and satire outlet to shame.
Meanwhile the Brits have casts aside all this fauxchi-demic ad have liberated their people to live theirlivesastheysee fit.
Even by B standards that was out of the park!
Thank you, Lord, every day for the Bee and Pookie’s toons!
Well done Babylon Bee, well done. Eviscerating humor with a truthful core that perfectly captures Sotomayor’s disdain for our nation. Bravo! (golf clap)
LOL! Excellent.
I think this is the funniest Bee headline I’ve ever read. Still laughing out loud!
Are we sure this is satire?
I think this was based on a NPR story that Sotomayor was working remotely, since Gorsuch wouldn’t wear a mask. I
Like the Bee’s version better.
Because she is an unhealthy FAT DIABETIC that refused to take simple but long term preventative behaviors into her responsibility. Yet she sits on the SC Andrew dictates medical treatment she “thinks” she benefits from.
Such a wise , fat, diabetic, sub 100 IQ Latina. She was a token and poor token at that. IMHO she will not make it 5 years. The next 5-10 years Are going to Be hard. It’s stand up or lay down phase coming soon.
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