Posted on 09/14/2021 3:25:41 PM PDT by DFG
CUPERTINO, CA—During the much-anticipated unveiling of the new iPhone 13 at this year's Apple Event, CEO Tim Cook revealed that the newest model and iOS will ask users to confirm vaccination status before unlocking the screen.
"We here at Apple are doing our part to keep you safe by keeping our sacred products out of the hands of the filthy unvaccinated," said Cook as he paced the stage. "That's why starting with the iPhone 13, all Apple users will be required to scan their vaccination card in order to unlock their iPhones."
The crowd stood to their feet and cheered at the brilliant idea.
"I think it's a brilliant idea," said Apple fan Mavis Bimbasquelch as he walked out of the event. "If those stupid dumb anti-vaxxers don't want to get vaccinated, they can build their own computer company. Also, I hope they die."
Tim Cook confirmed he has software engineers and Chinese Uyghur slaves working overtime to ensure the "vax-verify" technology is ready for primetime.
"We vow to bar the unvaccinated from connecting with the world," said Cook. "It's the moral thing to do."
the pro-vaxxers will LOVE this phone ;)
Make them stop.
I don’t care who you are, that’s funny.
Ok, they got me on this one. I was about to blurt out the headline to my wife.
I said out loud, “WTF”, and then realized it was the Bee.
The blending of Fantasy and Reality, and surprisingly it is 100% believable.
The Babylon Bee is turning Satire into genuine Journalism.
It’s like the DEMONCRATS turning Orwell’s works from Fiction to Non Fiction in less than a year.
Should require whole home system-— want to make a pot of coffee? No jab, to java.
Not satire. It’s future news today. It’s got to be. (Apple is probably working on such a feature)
FYI: At the iPhone 13 (et.al.) announcement today, CEO Tim Cook took time, at the open, for a paean of love to the great State of California. Thus this piece by the BB does meet the zeitgeist of this Grey Davis / Gavin Newsom day of destiny! When satire becomes indistinguishable from reality ... MOVE!
I almost fell for it!
LOL
The Bee almost got me with this one. I was outraged and panicked at the same time before I noticed it was the Bee.
Apple satire PING
You can’t tell anymore. The libs are that nuts.
I know this is Babylon Bee but for a moment there it made me go “huh?!” It’s getting harder to tell satire from reality.
IPhone 15 will require proof of homosexuality.
This is probably on the drawing boards at Apple. They got scooped.
It’s not a joke! Nigeria requires “vaccinations” in order to access banking!
Me too. I just freaked out. It’s probably just a matter of time though.
When they actually do this, the Bee better get royalties for it.
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