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Joe Biden Announces Civil War
Babylon Bee ^ | 09/09/2021 | Babylon Bee

Posted on 09/09/2021 2:06:55 PM PDT by DFG

U.S.—In a stirring address to the country today, Biden has announced a new Civil War.

Look, folks—here's the deal. For real this time. No joke. The words on the screen I'm supposed to read are saying that we're gonna force millions of people to get vaccinated against their will. Gotta do it folks," said Biden as he read off the teleprompter. "To enforce this, we're just gonna have ourselves a little Civil War. It's been a while since we had one of those. Let's just fight it out until all the unvaccinated people are dead or we're all dead which will stop the spread of COVID. Win-win, folks."

Biden assured the American people they will lose the upcoming Civil War as they don't have any F-15's or nukes. Any unvaccinated Americans who survive will be sent to special camps where they will learn the importance of getting vaccinated.

"For real, I don't see how anyone can be against this! Come on, man!" Biden said.

(UPDATE: After reading an article in the Huffington Post that unvaccinated people are just like the Taliban, Biden immediately surrendered to them and gave them a bunch of free weapons.)


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: babylonbee; biden; civilwar; unvaccinated; vaccine
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Not Satire
1 posted on 09/09/2021 2:06:55 PM PDT by DFG
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To: DFG

The headline is believable.


2 posted on 09/09/2021 2:09:46 PM PDT by vaskypilot
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To: DFG

The Bee just can’t keep up with the new reality. Sad. Used to be a great outfit.


3 posted on 09/09/2021 2:10:30 PM PDT by AndyJackson
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To: DFG

Well, getting rid of the statues from the old Civil War, of people who no living person remembers, will make room for some new ones.

I wonder who they be of?


4 posted on 09/09/2021 2:11:34 PM PDT by The Antiyuppie (When small men cast long shadows, then it is very late in the day.)
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To: AndyJackson

Life Imitates Art.


5 posted on 09/09/2021 2:12:14 PM PDT by The Antiyuppie (When small men cast long shadows, then it is very late in the day.)
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To: DFG

“Civil war”? “War against the people of the United States by a CCP controlled fascistic idiot” would be a better description. Biden caused the disasters that will lead to conflict, and he will blame the victims on the battlefield. Sort of a “reverse Gettysburg Address”. (Shakes head)


6 posted on 09/09/2021 2:12:44 PM PDT by Richard Axtell (As if.)
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To: DFG

My humor about this just ran out.


7 posted on 09/09/2021 2:14:08 PM PDT by right way right (May we remain sober over mere men, for God really is our only true hope. )
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To: DFG

Oh jeez. Got drama much?
“Civil war”? With our pea shooters? Yeah right.

Only one question I suppose: Is anyone who takes the Covid-19 vaccine an outright fool and a dupe?


8 posted on 09/09/2021 2:19:10 PM PDT by AmericanInTokyo (NO more days (by 31 Aug) for Pres Trump to be "reinstated"= at least according to discredited Q-Anon)
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To: DFG

It’s true. Even though the Bee is presenting it as tongue in cheek. The dictator has declared war.


9 posted on 09/09/2021 2:22:29 PM PDT by Luke21
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To: DFG

I agree, not satire.


10 posted on 09/09/2021 2:25:09 PM PDT by gattaca ("Government's first duty is to protect the people, not run their lives." Ronald Reagan)
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To: DFG

UNITY !


11 posted on 09/09/2021 2:30:24 PM PDT by wardamneagle (c)
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To: AmericanInTokyo
With our pea shooters? Yeah right.

If you're still using a pea shooter, then it's time to upgrade.

12 posted on 09/09/2021 2:30:54 PM PDT by BipolarBob ("We the people" needs to be re-read, not reinterpreted.)
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To: DFG

I almost wish the Bee would take a 6 month break and let real events take place as is. The real events are shocking enough, no added spices needing.


13 posted on 09/09/2021 2:33:53 PM PDT by lee martell
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To: DFG

I almost wish the Bee would take a 6 month break and let real events take place as is. The real events are shocking enough, no added spices needed.


14 posted on 09/09/2021 2:34:33 PM PDT by lee martell
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To: DFG

“Not Satire.”

He didn’t say it outright, but it’s in there. It was like he’s trying to provoke revolt.


15 posted on 09/09/2021 2:34:48 PM PDT by KrisKrinkle (Blessed be those who know the depth and breadth of ignorance. Cursed be those who don't.)
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To: DFG

Just got through with his speech. No, this isn’t satire.


16 posted on 09/09/2021 2:36:16 PM PDT by Billthedrill
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To: DFG

Maybe the one time I agree with the old senile bastard.


17 posted on 09/09/2021 2:38:43 PM PDT by kenmcg (tHE WHOLE )
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To: DFG; Vermont Lt; BobL; Kartographer; JRandomFreeper; Tilted Irish Kilt; Jane Long; LilFarmer; ...
Yeah, I can't really laugh at this one.

Coronavirus PING!

18 posted on 09/09/2021 2:40:10 PM PDT by Tolerance Sucks Rocks (Florida: America's new free zone.)
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To: DFG

I sure wish that the BB would stop printing these self-fulfilling fantasies. Today’s mandate speech is the Civil War 2 declaration.


19 posted on 09/09/2021 2:41:13 PM PDT by fella ("As it was before Noah so shall it be again,")
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To: DFG

at 5:30pm today


20 posted on 09/09/2021 2:46:55 PM PDT by Chode (there is no fall back position, there's no rally point, there is no LZ... we're on our own. P144:1)
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