Posted on 07/08/2021 2:44:36 PM PDT by DFG
The vaccine door-to-door evangelists are coming for you! Luckily, we at The Babylon Bee are extremely anti-social, so we've got some great ways to scare off the vaccine missionaries trying to get you to accept Dr. Fauci as your lord and savior.
Try one of these and let us know how it goes!*
1. Answer the door while casually cleaning your AR-15. - "Greetings, agent of the government! What can I do for you today?"
2. Wear a MAGA hat. - Works every time.
3. Sneeze violently and say you're starting to lose your sense of taste. - "Does this apple taste like anything to you? Everything is starting to taste bland to me..."
4. Smear sacrificial ice cream on your doorposts to appease Biden. - It worked for the Israelites.
5. Show them your fully assembled LEGO Capitol Building set. - A true sign that you're a deranged terrorist -- they'll run away screaming.
6. Smile and offer to shake their hand. - Nothing scares the pro-SCIENCE crowd like interacting like a normal human being.
7. If all else fails, release the hounds. - Hopefully you've had your "Release the Hounds" button installed already.
*The Babylon Bee is not responsible for any death, dismemberment, or imprisonment in a reeducation camp resulting from these techniques.
If they come to my door, I simply won’t answer it.
Another thought, they could come with body cams. If so, perhaps tell them to hit the road, using audio only. In fact, a message in not your voice.
Ah the old line “You are just in time. We are ready to sacrifice that baby now.” works with Jehovah Witnesses when they come a knocking. Love to see their eyes grow three sizes that day and how they never scrambled so fast off a porch before. I might believe in God but I certainly don’t believe in the God you painted for yourself. Might need to change it up a little.
At my last appointment with doc, he asked whether I’d had the shot. I said, “ I was going to ask you whether I needed it but you’re a doctor and have to say yes.” By this time, we’re both laughing.
He looked at me and said, “You look very healthy to me, come back in six months.”
You’re not going to find another doc as wonderful. He’s Nigerian, went to med school there where schools not funded by Big Pharma. He literally prescribes about 10 nutritional supplements /day—everything they tell you to take to boost your immune system. I’ve been taking them for 30 years, but now they are deductible.
I like your articulate forthright way of stating your disgust with the ideas of the current authoritarian government.
SO... to try to make a long story short, I was on a flight crew and we had to wait on a snobby crew (cough...cough... Delta...cough) to take the crew van to our hotel very late. We actually didn’t have to wait because it was a 20 min wait for them to get through the airport to the van- but to save the van driver from having to make another trip we did. (for context, the other airline had it in their contracts that they were to NOT share the van with another crew so they would have left us. They would, however share rather than wait for another van.)
The other crew was not appreciative as they were boarding so my First Officer started vigorously ‘adjusting his boys’ and then holding out his hand to heartily shake everyone’s hand who was boarding the van. (He was an ol’ Southern boy who had no use for assholes.) There were about 8 of them and it was so funny to see them recoil with disgust- some actually shook his hand as they felt they didn’t have a choice.
THEN, on the 30 min trip to the hotel, one of the verrrry senior old bat female flight attendants waved her hand in front of her face and declared, “Ah swear, there MUST be a papuh mill neah heah.”
My First Officer shook his head and placed his hand on his stomach and said, “No, my tummy is sick.” He was sitting right beside her and passing gas like nobody’s business.
I lay down on the last row of seats and tried to hold my laughter in. Good times...
1. NOYFB
2. Marines are immune to all diseases.
3. Show them your US Government volunteer/employee voodoo doll and hat pin.
Or false charges- they could lie and say you threatened them even if you didn’t.
“Dave’s not here.”
Yep. We look out the window. If we don’t know them (unless they are Fed Ex, etc.) we don’t answer it. And just let our big dog bark.
I did answer the door for the police once years ago. I might have to rethink that one. Maybe just open the upstairs window and holler down “Can I help you!?”
Or, knock if you want to meet Jesus; right now.
Battle axe or two handed sword😬!
Meh - too heavy. My Ruger 556 is much lighter.
Oddly that is very good logic. I live in the countryside 500 feet off the road. There is no reason for someone to knock on my door at 11pm at night. This happened. I looked through the glass in the door and saw a very attractive girl of 18 to 25 years of age. I opened the door with a Glock 35 in hand and the green laser on. When I opened the door I saw two young men behind her. Perhaps they had the wrong address. I think not. The apologies flowed when they saw my weapon. My neighborhood is rural, conservative and armed to the teeth. We do not have crime here least it be petty crime of stupid kids. Real crime can get you very dead in my area. I like where I live.
My supplements were deductible when I was working, had a flex pan, before Obamacare. Now I’m on SS and have to buy out of pocket. My previous doctor had told me to take D for joint health, fish oil and QC10 for heart health. Now the optometrist has added AVERS and my GP added probiotics. It all adds up.
That would be the easiest, if you can recognize them.
Gems
Use the phrase “As-Salam-u-Alaikum” (”Peace be unto you”) Then offer them your left hand😂
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.