Posted on 08/31/2017 9:05:39 AM PDT by Oldpuppymax
On the first day, He sadly packed his belongings into boxes, crates and Suitcases.
On the second day, He had the movers come and collect his things.
On the third day, He sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining-room table, by Candle-light; he put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound Of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of wine.
When he'd Finished, he went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten Shrimps dipped in caviar into the hollow center of the curtain Rods.
He then cleaned up The kitchen and left.
On the fourth day, The wife came back with her new boyfriend, and at first all was Bliss.
Then, slowly, the House began to smell. They tried everything; cleaning, mopping, and Airing-out the place Vents were checked for dead rodents, and carpets were steam cleaned
Air fresheners Were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas Canisters, during which time the two had to move out for a few days, and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting.. Nothing Worked!
People stopped Coming over to visit. Repairmen refused to work in the house. The maid Quit.
Finally, they Couldn't take the stench any longer, and decided they had to move, but a Month later - even though they'd cut their price in half - they couldn't Find a buyer for such a stinky house. Word got out, and Eventually even the local realtors refused to return their Calls.
Finally, unable to Wait any longer for a purchaser, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from The bank to purchase a new place.
Then the ex called The woman and asked how things were going. She told him the saga of the Rotting house. He listened politely and said that he missed his old home Terribly and would bewilling to reduce his divorce settlement in exchange For having the house. Knowing he could have no idea how bad the smell Really was, she agreed on a price that was only 1/10 th of what the house Had been worth ...
But only if he would sign the papers that very Day.
He agreed, and Within two hours her lawyers delivered the completed Paperwork.
A week later the Woman and her boyfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home ...... And to spite the Ex-husband, they even took the curtain rods!
I LOVE A HAPPY ENDING, DON'T YOU?
That’s pretty damn close!.....................
Great story. Made my day.
Hopefully some clever Freeper will find some equivalent method that will drive out all of the Idiot Lefties from our midst.
Too good to be true but very funny.
A guy once told me he left an opened can of tuna in the back of a desk at school. The next day, all the girls in class excused themselves, one at a time, to go to the bathroom.
Once in a while, a truckf goes from the processing plant to a farmer’s field. Do not get stuck behind that truck. It’s got quite a hang-time, too.
This bought to my mind the “Breaking Bad” episode where Jesse bought the family home with the help of Saul Goodman.
https://breakingbaddict.wordpress.com/tag/jesse-buys-his-aunts-house/
LOL
Probably an internet fable but hey... it was fun.
Yes, I think I'll start using it myself.
That was also the first thing that popped into my mind :-)
Good story.
Some years ago, while living in the midwest, I drove from Daytona back home (8 hour drive). Unknown to me, my kids had put the huge colorful snail shells into the plastic beach buckets they collected sea shells with.
Well we drove straight thru. Only stopping for gas or food. We arrived home at 1 AM, too tired to unload the car of the kids beach stuff , I decided to get some sleep and clean the trunk later in the daylight.
I rolled out of bed around noon and after something to eat, went out to the driveway where the car was parked in the hot, hot July sun.
Opening the home`s front door, I was stunned to see dozens of cats congregated around the trunk area of my car. I shooed them away, wondering why those cats were focused on my car. As I got closer, I began to smell the reason those cats were interested in my car. I open the car`s trunk and was assaulted with an odor I never thought possible.
Removing the kids beach play things, I realized the smell was coming from those plastic buckets. Dumping out the sea shells I saw the snail shells mixed in, which had a putrid dead snail leaking out of the shell opening.
It took weeks to get that smell out of the car!
Now, of course, it took a couple of months to get the case to trial and, during that time, the evidence .. a large number of foot lockers and their contents .. sat in the basement of the CID office. During that time, the area suffered from heavy rains and it flooded out the CID basement. However, they never told us .. the court .. about that.
When it came time to present the evidence, the trial counsel ostentatiously had the CID evidence custodian unlock the foot lockers and throw them open. Now, this dried shrimp and seaweed, along with the other dried items, had been sitting in wet sealed footlockers fermenting.
The smell drove everyone out of the courthouse on Camp Casey. Later that day, personnel from the accused's unit had to come in with their gas masks to remove the foot lockers from the courtroom and take them outside. The panel members had to wear their gas masks to view the evidence outside and soldiers from the Chemical Battalion had to collect the foot lockers after the trial to dispose of them and their contents.
And I had thought that the worst smell that I would come across in Korea was the kimchee ...
I hope he got off for lack of evidence!................
Additionally, there were evidence photos taken at the scene when the foot lockers were first opened at customs, prior to their storage in the CID evidence basement.
And it really didn't help that his Korean wife turned state's evidence on him ... I guess she figured that, since she already had her green card, she had no further use for him ...
Happens a lot. Usually AFTER they get here....................
Situational awareness is very important.
When I saw the thread title I thought of this same story. Read it years ago. It’s a good one.
“Yes, I think I’ll start using it myself.”
Good idea. It’ll give your writing an interesting, harder-to-understand personality - lol.
yEs. veRY.
Haha - nice variant.
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