Posted on 11/18/2016 8:57:08 PM PST by John Semmens
Customers and staff at a Portland, Oregon Starbuck's coffee shop endured a moment of pure terror when another customer asked for the name "Trump" to be written on his order.
"This used to be a safe space," said a weepy barista while whipping up a Latte Venti for a cowering customer in an "I'm with her" t-shirt. "That our grief over the election results could be so disrespected so soon reaffirms our fears that a new dark age is upon us."
Customer, Marcus Child admitted to "trembling in horror at the insensitivity of some people. The greatest woman in human history has just seen her dreams shattered by a wave of bigotry from the deplorable voters who backed a fascist takeover of this country."
Weeping and trembling weren't the only activities underway during this terrifying incident. One of the victims covertly called the police on the 911 line. Ten minutes later police arrived to confront the man who inspired the widespread angst. He seemed oddly calm and unaware as he drank his coffee and fiddled with his cell phone.
As it turned out, the man's name is John Trump. He, like most of his fellow Portlandians, voted for Hillary Clinton. Nevertheless, he was apologetic for his inadvertent aggression. "I'm disappointed too, but its just an election," he said. "There'll be another one in a few years. I guess in hindsight I should've used my first name. It's just that 'John' is so common. I was afraid my order might get mixed up with another customer's."
Police advised John Trump to consider bearing the risk of order mix-ups for a while, "at least until the terror stemming from Donald Trump's being elected president subsides a bit."
In related news, anti-Trump protesters outside the Trump Hotel in Washington, DC called for Donald's wife Melania to be raped. How this fits with the the protesters' contention that Trump is the advocate of hate remains a mystery.
if you missed any of this week's other semi-news/semi-satire posts you can find them at...
https://www.freedomsphoenix.com/Opinion/207359-2016-11-18-semi-news-semi-satire-november-20-2016-edition.htm
PING!
You might be out of business soon, John, satire has become the new reality.
Thanks for reminding me, I gotta go buy an axe handle—for the light work.
ping
John, I’ve been here forever. You are appreciated.
I will go to a “Bucks” tomorrow and want “Trump” on my cup.
:^)
I never drink Starbucks, but this sounds like a good idea.
A Starbuck’s microaggression should be named a “StarMicroburst” in their honor.
Now as sweet as a Starburst candy, just 50 times as expensive.
Excellent, John! I look forward to your skills continuing to be utilized full-time, as the idiocy of the Left continues unabated.
Giving money to the outrageously leftist Starbucks doesn't sound like such a smart move for conservatives. Also, it is never a good idea to irritate people who prepare your food.
I read people are asking for Trump to be written their cups in retaliation.
Oh yes it is. I will ask for a Trump cup.
I may throw it out but I’ll be damned if they don’t do it.
“The greatest woman in the human race”? Boy that brown stuff is runnin out of their ears and their mouths.....
Hillary isn’t even the greatest criminal around because everyone knows she is as a politician on the take.
Perfect. Strong work!!
Even that douche bag gets one right every now and then.
John, this is one of your best. How you keep up remains a mystery, as the Left satirizes itself on an almost daily basis.
How was the breakfast? I don't remember. All I could think about was her. We'll have been happily married for 16 years at the end of next month.
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