what... they gonna die of laughter???
Posted on 09/05/2014 3:28:27 PM PDT by John Semmens
US Secretary of State John Kerry predicted that the Islamic State (also known as ISIS and ISIL) would be destroyed within three years. The means: "massive wrongful death lawsuits."
"These thugs might think they're cute filming the decapitation of their victims," Kerry said. "But by putting their torts on record they have opened themselves to legal liability that will cost them billions in damages."
"No country on Earth has better or more expensive lawyers than we do," the Secretary boasted. "With skills honed from decades of tormenting corporate defendants in the courtroom, the plaintiffs' bar will eviscerate ISIS's defenses and use their own words and videos against them. Financial ruin and public humiliation for these goons is just a matter of time."
Kerry invited observers "to compare our innovative and nuanced approach with the clumsy efforts of the Bush Administration's so-called 'war on terror.' In our plan, instead of putting US troops at risk, all the heavy lifting will be done by lawyers filing suits and attaching liens to every asset ISIS possesses."
According to Kerry, a side benefit of the Administration's strategy to sue ISIS into submission is that "it allows us to conserve our resources to fight the greater threat of global warming. The massacres perpetrated by ISIS are a mere pin prick compared to the devastation that climate change will wreak on the planet. If we do not prevail in this greater fight Foley and Sotloff will be remembered as the lucky ones."
ABC's Good Morning America, co-host George Stephanopoulos called this "sue the bastards" strategy "amazingly ingenious. It opens an arena of conflict at which this nation excels. The skills ISIS has nurtured in beheading captives, raping women, and killing children will be completely useless against the hordes of attorneys we can deploy against them. I think the Administration has once again turned the table on its critics."
if you missed any of this week's other semi-news/semi-satire posts you can find them at...
http://www.freedomsphoenix.com/Opinion/162482-2014-09-05-semi-news-a-satire-of-recent-news-september-7-2014.htm
How can we destroy them on one hand and save the from global warming on the other?
paid????
John is independently wealthy and does this as performance art. He is going to get awards from the Kennedy Center and PBS over the next few months.
what... they gonna die of laughter???
In the manner of Ghengis Khan?
You are right, they have a good thing going for them. Why ruin it?
I’m sure they’re terrified of Lurch!
In other words: Obama supports the muslim terrorists and will claim after he leaves office that the next president failed to stop them because he had a three year plan but was out in two.
kerry is an arse.
By who? Not this lame ass group, It will take a strong willed man to destroy this infestation.
The Brits are preparing ASBOs as we speak!!
I can hardly wait to watch the vids of the ISholes decapitating lawyers, can you?
Pish-tosh! No need for any wrongful death lawsuits..... all we need is a massive Twitter campaign. Twitter will knock 'em dead!
Nice job, John! :)
THEY will never get what they want, which is to RUN Palestine, but they won't let ANYONE else do it either.
They are REALLY mean, vicious, nasty, UNHAPPY souls doomed for perdition and like Satan's minions, want to bring down as many WITH them as they can.
You give him too much credit.
Don Corleone, speaking of Tagtalia: "He's a pimp."
THAT describes our illustrious V.P.
I think if President Bill Clinton was in office, these guys would have been sufficiently smashed. If either of the President Bushes were in office, the problem would have never existed However, we have obama. The only direction ISIS has is up, with obama in office.
Will this stupid moron ever shut up? How ridiculous to think that they are going to show up for a trial. And you think they are going to be captured and their countries extradite them here for trial? What are these guys smoking, anyway?
I doubt it. John Kerry-Heinz will leave office in 2 years, renounce his citizenship, convert to Islam, and become the Climate Change and Oil Sales Czar for ISIS.
That’s just it. THREE years??? How many people can you kill in three years?
Wow....I don't know how this man even manages to breath...
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