Posted on 11/01/2013 9:48:24 PM PDT by John Semmens
As the first wave of Americans are discovering that they can't keep heath insurance plans they like, the impression that President Obama lied to them is seeping into public awareness. Analysts predict that as many as 90 million will ultimately be forced off their current plans.
A desperate Presidential Press Secretary Jay Carney strove to deflect the impression that Obama lied about the impact the Affordable Care Act would have on policyholders. “The President didn't lie to anyone in any meaningful sense,” Carney insisted. “While it's true that a few who were satisfied with inferior plans will now be required to select new conforming plans, they need to realize that this is for their own good.”
Carney likened President Obama's assurances to those that a parent gives a child. “There are times when a father or mother will offer to let a child choose a toy,” Carney said. “However, the parent reserves the right to veto the child's choice if it would result in the purchase of a defective or dangerous product. All the Affordable Care Act is doing is vetoing the selection of defective and dangerous insurance policies.”
One of the “defects” of the policies that many would like to keep is the failure to provide mandated coverages like maternity benefits. As Secretary of Health and Human Services Kathleen Sebelius explained to an incredulous Representative Renee Ellmers (R-NC), “just because a man is single doesn't mean he can't father a child, in which case he'll be glad he has maternity coverage.”
After an off-microphone whispered conversation with a member of her staff, Sebelius revised her statement. “I am told that the example I just gave is incorrect, that the pregnant woman's insurance would cover maternity costs,” Sebelius admitted. “But, since the Affordable Care Act covers sex-change surgery a person that starts out as a single man could become a woman and then benefit from maternity coverage.”
A second whispered consultation produced yet another revised statement. “My staff tells me it is not possible for a male undergoing a sex-change operation to become a mother,” Sebelius said. “Well, we are going to look into that and see if the Act can be amended to overcome this limitation. The President is committed to making this law work and we will do whatever it takes to make that happen.”
In related news, new research by scientists at the Medical Research Council Cognition and Brain Sciences Unit (MRC CBSU) and the University of Cambridge has shown that some patients declared to be in an irreversible vegetative state are actually more aware of their surroundings than thought. Whether this would change the currently approve protocol of removing life support from such patients “would be a matter for the Independent Payment Advisory Board to make,” said Sebelius. “We don't have an unlimited amount of money to work with. If keeping these patients alive means we'd have to cut back on the number of abortions we can fund, well, that would be a decision for the Board to make. The needs of the few shouldn't be allowed to trample the needs of the many.”
if you missed any of this week's other semi-news/semi-satire posts you can find them at...
http://www.freedomsphoenix.com/Opinion/144470-2013-11-01-semi-news-a-satire-of-recent-news-november-3-2013.htm
ping
Like any other stool sample, Obamacare had to be passed so we could see what is in it.
“Carney likened President Obama’s assurances to those that a parent gives a child.”
And here the truth is spoken, liberals believe that the rest of us are “simple children” unable to care or make intelligent decisions for ourselves without “Daddy Government”. And of course only liberal, socialist demonrats are competent to play the role of daddy government. Well I think that finally after five years a majority of Americans are realizing that for the last five years the village idiots have been in charge.
With hours and hours of Obama’s big mouth utterances ... who you ganna’ believe. All on the internet.
“Ah, I didn’t promise you what you thought I promised! Trust me!”
It wasn’t broken, it was shot in the @$$ and vaporized.
I almost fell for it, but as semi news/satire does, it reads as almost what you’d expect!
What he meant to say was, “If I like your plan, you can keep it.”
Another good one, John!
Again, the truth is probably much too close to discern a difference.........
You're gonna make me start reading the damn news over more carefully, you keep this up....
I was talking yesterday with a dear family member who is a dyed-in-the-wool liberal Democrat and they said almost exactly what you wrote! I thought they were pulling my leg, but no, they were deadly serious.
These people are demented. Thank you for your all-too-accurate portrayal.
always good
What a tool. And a pedantic, condescending tool at that. This particular time I’m talking about Carney, not The Won.
Many of the are sufficiently functional to arrive at polling places and cast votes for Democrats!
But unfortunately I do not think it was incompetence but rather malicious intent to grab personal data. If only we were just dealing with morons & not calculating operator.
What is wrong with you bastards, are you going to believe your own eyes and ears or the President’s Press Secretary.
This stupidity may bring the herd to this President’s door as the prices break people and their patience.
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