Posted on 03/03/2012 3:29:56 PM PST by pingman
I'll start:
How is a marriage like a deck of cards?
You start out with two hearts and a diamond, but after awhile you're looking for a club and a spade.
(rimshot!)
Saturday night is for humor, tawdry or not.
I knew a woman that was so fridge every time she spread her legs a little light came on
Lol. But if I ever get married, God forbid that my marriage should turn out like that.... Sad that it is like that for many, though... :-(
Do you know why they don’t let the blind skydive
Scares the hell out of the dogs
Tawdry!
I can use that one!
The last time I golfed I only hit two good balls all day...and THAT was when I stepped on a rake in the sand trap!
Did you hear about the agnostic, dyslexic insomniac? He stayed awake all night wondering if there really IS a dog.
A baby seal walks into a club...
Well, I went to the Dr’s the other day and he asked me if I have been thinking about ways to help prevent memory loss because I am almost 50 years old now. I said, “ I don’t know Dr. I can’t remember.”
Story from a Minnesota State Trooper:
I made a traffic stop on an elderly lady the other day for speeding MN State Highway 210 at Mile Marker 197 just East of McGregor, MN. I asked for her driver’s license, registration, and proof of insurance.
The lady took out the required information and handed it to me. In with the cards I was somewhat surprised (due to her advanced age) to see she had a Conceal Carry Permit. I looked at her and asked if she had a weapon in her possession at this time.
She responded that she indeed had a .45 semi-automatic in her glove box. Something…body language, or the way she said it…made me want to ask if she had any other firearms.
She did admit to also having a 9mm Glock in her center console. Now I had to ask one more time if that was all. She responded once again that she did have just one more, a .38 special in her purse. I then asked her what was she so afraid of.
She looked me right in the eye and said, “Not a f****** thing!”
I am all for humor any day of the week but Rush was Right!
A: A Doberman.
His sin was having the temerity to speak the truth.
Do you know what made Bud Weiser?
His wife came home with Schlitz in her pants.......bodaboom!
How many lawyers does it take to roof a house?
One but you have to slice him very thin.
The seal says "Anything but the Canadian Club."
Overheard in the honeymoon suite at the local Nursing Home:
“No...I said I had ACUTE ANGINA!”
Did you hear about the blond who got an AM radio?
It was a month before she learned she could play it at night!
Fleas
Adam had’em
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