Posted on 12/12/2009 10:47:39 AM PST by John Semmens
Tired of waiting for Congress to pass the “Cap-and-Trade” bill, the US Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) announced it will initiate its own measures to control carbon dioxide emissions. The thrust of the EPA’s approach will be to determine a carbon emissions “budget” for every individual household and assess fines and penalties for those whose emissions exceed an allowable amount.
EPA administrator Lisa Jackson acknowledged that this approach would be more costly than a cap and trade system, but defended it as “leverage to induce Congress to take action. Carbon dioxide is the most dangerous pollutant because there are so many sources of emission. It is imperative that we take action to cut it.”
Jackson said the “budgets” for each individual will be set using the model for how the Internal Revenue Service (IRS) assesses income taxes. “Everyone who now fills out a tax return will be required to also fill out an annual ‘declaration of estimated emissions’ form,” Jackson explained. “There will be an instruction booklet—like the one the IRS mails to taxpayers—that emissions filers can use to help them complete the form.”
The types of information required on the form will include number of persons in the household and their weights, number and type of motor vehicles owned, miles driven, and frequency of miscellaneous use of combustibles like gasoline-powered lawn mowers and backyard grills.
“Those who try to cheat by underreporting their emissions will be subject to audits,” Jackson reminded. “There will also be neighborhood spot checks, as well as a system to reward those who turn in cheating neighbors. Not incidentally, the surveillance system will open up job opportunities and help fight the recession.”
(Excerpt) Read more at azconserv1.wordpress.com ...
I know this is satire, but would the EPA even think about axeing people like algore, zero, juan francis sKerry about their trips abroad if this were to happen? I doubt it.
They pretend to know the reason. It has already been written.
Beans, Beans,
The Musical Fruit,
The more eat, the more you toot,
The more you toot, the better you feel,
So eat beans with every meal.
Nope. /s
Check this out with a link explaining what the CO2 fuss is all about and exposing the contrived “hockey stick” formulation used to get this far.
http://www.theusmat.com/
This time you have made me chuckle for a long and “shaking” time.
I wonder how far toward this description we will really be subjected? Now I am not chuckling!
"Mrs. Jackson, I hyperventilate in your general direction."
Yeah, rep-air-rations.;^)
Good one.
:) Good stuff, John. Thanks for satirizing these criminals.
Tax my CO2, I’ll give you the methane for free.
Haha! I’m getting better... it only takes me 3 paragraphs before I figure out its from you! Great work as always!
Too damn close to what they’re probably thinking John. Have you ever considered that maybe some of these nuts are reading your posts to get ideas? I’m only half kidding.
Eliminate CO2. Then eradicate all green plant life.
Then take a deep breath.
These people are beyond insane with this sick enviro-religion.
Particulalrly enjoyed the last couple paragraphs:
"Reports of heavy violence in Mexico should not deter tourists, said U.S. Consul Michael Barkin. 'Really, Mexico is no worse than the south side of Chicago,' Barkin assured the McAllen (Texas) Chamber of Commerce. 'Your odds of coming through without being robbed, kidnapped or murdered are relatively good. There’s probably less than 10% chance you will be a victim.'...The Consul advised that 'if you are one of the unfortunate minority who is victimized and are still alive afterwards, please contact the Consulate so we can fill out the proper ‘after-incident’ reports.'"
LOL
Can't tell you how many times I've engaged moon-bats during the Iraq war and insisted one was safer in Baghdad than Chicago, LA, New York City or Philly. LOL!
Good grief. I fell for it again. With BO, satire is hardly necessary.
On the other hand, is that blog satire or prophesy? I hope they keep a list of how often their satires become reality.
Don’t worry. For years I have been exhaling into non-biodegrdable baloons and then burying them in my backyard. In this manner I have stored thousands of tons of carbon dioxide that otherwise would have gone into the atmosphere and any Freeper who would like to buy some of these carbon dioxide offsets from me may do so at a significant discount!
Except for you John Semmens! Sorry dude your posts make me laugh so hard that I break at least one baloon every time I read one of your stories and as such I can’t possibly offer you the lower rate.
I’ve been out of touch with FR for a week.
My sister’s long twilight ended last Wednesday and I had to go out of state to tuck her in for that last night.
Thanks for cheering me up.
Ken
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