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Texas Man Has Surgery To Join Republican Party
Counterjab ^ | April 18, 2008 | Chris Davis

Posted on 04/17/2008 10:56:22 PM PDT by writer33

Corpus Christi—In what could be a new trend, a 36-year old conservative Texas man has had plastic surgery in order to join the Republican Party. After trying numerous kinds of unresponsive treatments, Corpus Christi native, Chris Davis, finally had his testicles reduced.

Chris had been claiming since 2004 that his testicles were far too large to be a member of the current Republican Party. He sought several different forms of therapy, including many sessions with a psychiatrist.

It was during the final session with his psychiatrist, Dr. Rick Muller, the name of Dr. Jim Balzack came up in their discussions.

“Chris was seriously conflicted,” stated Dr. Muller. “He was having nightmares about Senator John McCain becoming President of the United States, as well as the out of control Congress.”

Dr. Balzack is a renown name in plastic surgery, and the best in South Texas, specializing in male enhancement plastic surgeries.

“I have to say it caught me off guard,” claimed Dr. Balzack. “You don’t normally get patients that want this kind of elective surgery.”

The doctor quickly arranged an appointment where different kinds of surgeries could be performed, including removal of Chris’s testicles entirely.

“Chris was adamant in keeping at least some of his testicles,” said Dr. Balzack. “He reminded me that he didn’t want to join the Democratic Party.”

So, during the eight hour surgery, the doctor reduced his testicles by half their normal size, giving Chris the treatment he’d been seeking for over four years.

“I think that Chris will be just fine. It won’t be long before he quickly starts abandoning some of his conservative principles for a more populist view of America. ‘Reaching out’ won’t just be words in his vocabulary, it will be a way of life for him,” explained Dr. Balzack. “I think he’ll find voting for John McCain easier to stomach.”

The surgery was so successful that Chris soon found employment at a local law firm. “This was the best decision I ever made,” Chris exclaimed. “I used to worry about the future of the country, but now I just worry about corporate CEO’s. I can honestly say now that come November I’ll be ready to pull that lever for Senator McCain. I would recommend this for anyone who is in conflict. I’ve even embraced the premise that Global Warming is a threat. Rush Limbaugh has got to try this!”

Since the Chris’s success story has emerged, conservatives of all shape have rushed to Dr. Balzack’s clinic in order be a part of the current Republican Party.

“It’s really not all that bad,” stated Dr. Balzack. “Don’t think of it as compromising your principles entirely. Think of it more along the lines of cutting some of ‘em away.”


TOPICS: Government; Humor; Miscellaneous; Politics
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To: writer33
Talk about lightening up the morning. :)

Don't think there will be many in line for this procedure, but ya never know. LOL

21 posted on 04/18/2008 5:12:07 AM PDT by SouthTexas (If you are not living on the edge, you are taking up too much space!)
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To: writer33
Chris had been claiming since 2004 that his testicles were far too large to be a member of the current Republican Party

Imagine the size of our Men's Testicles.....

22 posted on 04/18/2008 5:13:58 AM PDT by 11th Commandment (Elect Conservatives- if you don't vote for McCain, at least work to elect conservatives!)
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To: writer33

Bwahahhaaaaaa!!!!


23 posted on 04/18/2008 5:15:44 AM PDT by SE Mom (Proud mom of an Iraq war combat vet)
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To: writer33

Bwahaha! A true classic, Chris!


24 posted on 04/18/2008 5:46:38 AM PDT by Budge
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To: writer33

“Dr. Jim Balzack”

Name context reminds me of Dr. Hillary Huma-Humpur.


25 posted on 04/18/2008 5:52:24 AM PDT by Rebelbase (Carbon is the fourth most abundant element on the planet.)
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To: writer33

LOL! FReeper humor BUMP!


26 posted on 04/18/2008 6:08:07 AM PDT by PGalt
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To: chasio649

Thanks for reading, chasio. Glad you enjoyed it.


27 posted on 04/18/2008 6:53:38 AM PDT by writer33 (The U.S. Constitution defines a conservative and Rush Limbaugh knows it.)
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To: Secret Agent Man
Well he certainly could not have been a democrat man with such huge testicles.

Absolutely. Thanks for reading, Secret Agent Man. I appreciate it.

28 posted on 04/18/2008 6:54:54 AM PDT by writer33 (The U.S. Constitution defines a conservative and Rush Limbaugh knows it.)
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To: DieHard the Hunter

Thanks for reading, DieHard. I appreciate it. Glad you enjoyed it.


29 posted on 04/18/2008 6:55:32 AM PDT by writer33 (The U.S. Constitution defines a conservative and Rush Limbaugh knows it.)
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To: Liberty Valance

Thanks for reading, Liberty. I appreciate it. Huge Marx Brothers fan.


30 posted on 04/18/2008 6:56:11 AM PDT by writer33 (The U.S. Constitution defines a conservative and Rush Limbaugh knows it.)
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To: Nailbiter

Thanks for reading, Nailbiter. I appreciate it.


31 posted on 04/18/2008 6:56:57 AM PDT by writer33 (The U.S. Constitution defines a conservative and Rush Limbaugh knows it.)
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To: G.Mason

Thanks for reading, G. Mason. I appreciate it. Glad you enjoyed it.


32 posted on 04/18/2008 6:57:46 AM PDT by writer33 (The U.S. Constitution defines a conservative and Rush Limbaugh knows it.)
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To: RichInOC

Thanks for reading, Rich. I appreciate it.


33 posted on 04/18/2008 6:59:21 AM PDT by writer33 (The U.S. Constitution defines a conservative and Rush Limbaugh knows it.)
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To: RU88

Thanks for reading, RU88. I appreciate it.


34 posted on 04/18/2008 6:59:38 AM PDT by writer33 (The U.S. Constitution defines a conservative and Rush Limbaugh knows it.)
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To: SouthTexas

Thanks for reading, South Texas. I appreciate it. Glad you enjoyed it.


35 posted on 04/18/2008 7:00:13 AM PDT by writer33 (The U.S. Constitution defines a conservative and Rush Limbaugh knows it.)
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To: writer33

Friend ... you are my pleasure!


36 posted on 04/18/2008 7:00:32 AM PDT by G.Mason (Duty, Honor, Country)
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To: 11th Commandment

Thanks for reading, 11th Commandment. I appreciate it.


37 posted on 04/18/2008 7:02:28 AM PDT by writer33 (The U.S. Constitution defines a conservative and Rush Limbaugh knows it.)
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To: SE Mom

Thanks for reading, SE Mom. I appreciate it. Glad you enjoyed it.


38 posted on 04/18/2008 7:02:52 AM PDT by writer33 (The U.S. Constitution defines a conservative and Rush Limbaugh knows it.)
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To: Budge

Thanks for reading, Budge. I appreciate it. Glad you enjoyed it.


39 posted on 04/18/2008 7:03:17 AM PDT by writer33 (The U.S. Constitution defines a conservative and Rush Limbaugh knows it.)
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To: writer33

Very funny! Thanks for sharing.


40 posted on 04/18/2008 7:04:01 AM PDT by JustaDumbBlonde
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