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Al-Qaeda Opens New School
AZCONSERVATIVE ^ | 15 June 2006 | John Semmens

Posted on 06/17/2006 9:11:15 PM PDT by John Semmens

Since the demise of Abu Musab Al-Zarqawi, al-Qaeda in Iraq is making plans to rebuild its organization by opening the "Jihadi School of Jihad" and have recently posted course offerings.

The standard fare is there-"Introduction to Suicide Bombing," "Cut from Left to Right: A Lesson for Beheadings," "Using the Burqa to Conceal Weapons," and "Ambushes or IEDs: A Seminar in Tactics." But there are also some lighter offerings-"Dealing with Loneliness when Men Are Your Only Companions," "Loving and Caring for Your Goat," "Living in Filth," "How to Tell by Feel If It's a Virgin or a Camel" and "Modern Dance."

The brochure for the school says there will be athletics (the school teams' nickname is the "Assassins"), clubs (including "Future Mothers of Martyrs" and "Spirit"), politics (both "Young Anti-Zionists" and "Young Anti-Semites" will be represented to ensure a modicum of balance in viewpoints), and social activities (including temporary marriages and public floggings).

The school is financed by a grant from the United Nations, so tuition is free. Students will be housed in a variety of locations known as "safe houses" or sometimes caves, depending on what's available. Learning how to steal food from local merchants is part of the curriculum. Student fees for materials will be waived for anyone who can prove he has killed a Jew.

In related news, a CBS poll produced results indicating that Zarqawi's death will change little in the war on terror. In response to the question: "Was the killing of Iraqi militant Abu Musab al-Zarqawi by the U.S. Air Force just a meaningless blip in an endless quagmire or another example of American brutality?" 22 percent said "meaningless blip, 31 percent said "example of brutality" and 47 percent said "yes."

(Excerpt) Read more at azconservative.org ...


TOPICS: Education; Humor; Politics; Religion
KEYWORDS: alqaeda; alqaedainiraq; cbs; iraq; muslim; satire; school; terrorists; zarqawi

1 posted on 06/17/2006 9:11:18 PM PDT by John Semmens
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To: John Semmens
[course offerings] "Loving and Caring for Your Goat,"

Which includes the making of the films "Deep Goat" and "Sheep Throat."

2 posted on 06/17/2006 9:24:57 PM PDT by Mr. Mojo
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To: Mr. Mojo

Porn is bad enough but goat and ewe porn...... is really, really baaaaaaad stuff.


3 posted on 06/17/2006 9:33:50 PM PDT by A message
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To: John Semmens

Guest speaker: John Murtha


4 posted on 06/17/2006 9:35:17 PM PDT by Extremely Extreme Extremist
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To: A message

Kidding aside, underage goat porn is the worst.


5 posted on 06/17/2006 9:35:52 PM PDT by coconutt2000 (NO MORE PEACE FOR OIL!!! DOWN WITH TYRANTS, TERRORISTS, AND TIMIDCRATS!!!! (3-T's For World Peace))
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To: coconutt2000
Kidding aside, underage goat porn is the worst.

Ba doom Ching.

6 posted on 06/17/2006 10:14:25 PM PDT by A message
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To: John Semmens


A new school? You mean Harvard isn't enough?


7 posted on 06/17/2006 10:21:44 PM PDT by Tzimisce (How Would Mohammed Vote? Hillary for President! www.dndorks.com)
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To: John Semmens

Cindy Sheehan will be the dean of the school.


8 posted on 06/17/2006 10:25:42 PM PDT by MikeA (Not voting in November because you're pouting is a vote for Nancy Pelosi for Speaker of the House)
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To: John Semmens
Since the demise of Abu Musab Al-Zarqawi, al-Qaeda in Iraq is making plans to rebuild its organization by opening the "Jihadi School of Jihad" and have recently posted course offerings.

I've seen the "Jihadi School of Jihad" - it's main campus is in Berkeley, CA.

9 posted on 06/18/2006 2:23:34 PM PDT by Smedley
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