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DUmmie FUnnies 05-22-06 ("Did Gonzales Kill Fitz's Rove Indictments?")
DUmmie FUnnies ^ | May 22, 2006 | Kossacks and PJ-Comix

Posted on 05/22/2006 6:22:32 AM PDT by PJ-Comix

Okay, here is the latest in the Hoaxmas saga. TruthOut followed up their first Partial Birth Apology with a SECOND Partial Birth Apology in which they AGAIN said nothing except they were sticking by their Hoaxmas story through Hell or High Water. As for Pied Piper Pitt. He is still MIA and is suspected of hiding out in the Furorbunker in the desperate hope that he can beat back the Hoaxmas backlash. Rumor has it that he is deluding himself with fantasy scenarios in which Hoaxmax may still turn out to be true. And he might be getting some sustenance from this Daily Kos FANTASY titled, "Did Gonzales Kill Fitz's Rove Indictments?" According to this latest delusion, Rove really was indicted during a 15 hour lockdown (later amended to ALL DAY Friday and into Saturday night by the second TruthOut "explanation") of the the entire 4th floor of Patton Boggs but that indictment was KILLED by the Attorney General. Of course, to believe that story, one needs to believe that the cat of Rove's attorney, Robert Luskin, was not taken to the vet on that same day to check on the health of its STOOLS. Jason Leopold has stated that he will now try to disprove Luskin's alibi by calling every vet in a 20 mile radius of Washington, D.C.. So let us now explore the latest Leftist Fitzmas fantasy in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, who is dedicating this DUFU edition to Luskin's cat with the healthy stools, is in the [brackets]:

The Wayne Madsen Report and the Chris Matthews Show have both floated the theory that Fitzgerald had secured indictments against Rove, but Gonzales --via McNulty-- came in at the last second and used his power as Fitzgerald's superior to kill the indictments.

[Wayne Madsen is considered to be so unreliable that his reports have been BANNED from DUmmieland which judging from what is normally permitted there must some sort of new low in lack of credibility. But continue my appropriately named Kossack, JiggyFlunknut...]

IF, this theory is true, Fitzgerald would have likely challenged McNulty's decision in court, pointing to an earlier administrative directive from then acting Attorney General James Comey that gave Fitzerald the "authority of the Attorney General." Comey is long gone, however, and was replaced by McNulty. The question then becomes what, if any, value does Comey's administrative directive have today.

[A very big IF there, Flunknut. And the theory is easily disproven by the Luskin cat stool check.]

One unfortunate realty of this scenario is that if the judge sides with McNulty, we will never know what really happened, because it will remained sealed. Which, is one explanation about why Rove is acting so smug these days and why the White House has not pulled back his public schedule.

[Or maybe Rove is so smug because he knows that a sample of the Luskin cat stools stored in a vet's lockbox in the D.C. area gives him a rock solid alibi that he never even met with Fitzgerald on May 12. And now to let the other Kossacks chime in...]

This would be a big deal.

[IF true. However, that big IF is a gigantic Firewall keeping this fantasy from breaking through to reality.]

We're talking Wayne Madsen, for Dog's sake!

[In this case, for Cat's stools!]

Even worse is to create a set of tools that are designed to perpetuate the thousand year reich and then lose power due to overwhelming incompetence in the execution if not the plan, so that your enemies now have the Patriot Act and warrantless surveilance with which to check out the money laundering of big oil, Halliburton and the Military Industrial Complex.

[You mean create a set of stools.]

I believe certain members of the Press have just about had it with Gonzales' shit.

[I believe certain members of the Press have just about had it with Lukin's cat stools.]

I'm kind of stalling for time here...

[Or stooling for time here...]

It scared the living shit out of me. I think with this latest revalation of Gonzales "we can do whatever we want" doctrine of law, it scares me even more.

[The living cat stools will scare you even more.]

Cases can be sealed for any number of reasons.

[There's a much great reason to seal cat stools.]

i was suing my boyfriend for custody of the cats and didn't want you guys to know about it

[The important thing is, did you also get custody of the cat stools?]

have some people eating crow. Jason Leopold may have been right afterall.

[Jason Leopold is right now doing some intense journalistic investigation by going into Robert Luskin's trash and checking out the cat stools for evidence in this case.]

I won't even entertain it as an option until I can find a link for Sealed v. Sealed

[You'd be better off trying to find a link for Stool v Stool Pigeon.]

It depresses me so much to think that this could possibly be true. Unfortunately, history and the psychology of this administration makes this and other horrid events plausable. I mourn for our country's loss of every ideal it stood for.

[But wouldn't your mourning be balanced out by the JOY of finding out that the Luskin cat stools are okay?]

Leopold was right vis-a-vis the indictments, what could hold them up indefinitely or dismiss them? Is there anything outside of a plea agreement, aside from firing Fitz, that could keep an indictment from being served?

[Yes. Check the prophetic cat stools for the answers.]

Folks, I don't care which side of the aisle you're on, bullshit is bullshit. It's not that I don't want Leopold to be right, it's just that he's not right. He's a liar, he's an asshole and the fact that so many people are now going to excuse him thanks to YET ANOTHER lie about this just pisses me off.

[I don't care which side of the aisle you're on, cat stools are cat stools.]

Since Fitz represents the governemnt officially, it wiil have to be a bribe to the Judge. So a black satchel is my speculation.

[A black stool is my speculation.]

report it 24-7, or just give it the Downing Street Memoranda Treatment?

[Downing Street Memos are excellent material for wrapping up cat stools.]

I remember the day this story broke - down to where I was and who I was with - as clearly as I remember the day Kennedy was assassinated

[Let me guess. You were at the vet in order to have your cat's stools checked?]

Research? Evidence? Those things have no place in a diary like this!

[Or in a TruthOut story.]

I'd like to hear the opinions of a lot of other people on how likely this is.

[Somewhere between Nil and None.]

Does this mean that if Fitz decides NOT to indict Rove, he will not announce that fact?

[Only after NOT spending 15 hours in a lockdown on the 4th floor of Patton Boggs.]

This is the "quiet" Saturday Night Massacre.

[According to TruthOut the Patton Boggs lockdown lasted ALL DAY Friday into Saturday Night thus making a "Saturday Night Massacre" possible.]

This foaming-at-the-mouth speculation accomplishes zilch. Jason Leopold overreached badly. There's no point in inventing conspiracy theories to explain his failure.

[I was kind of fond of the conspiracy theory about a Patton Boggs lockdown that lasted all day Friday into Saturday night.]

I'd love to take to the streets. I'd love to "crash the gates" more than metaphorically. The Plame leak was just one more proof to me that the America I love is nearly dead. I'm willing to die a horrible death to revive it.

[I bet you wouldn't be willing to sleep with cat stools to revive it.]

Citing Wayne Madsen is unacceptable.

[But FUn!]

Stupid diaries like this one Should NOT be recommended.

[However they should be DUFUed.]

Why doesn't everybody take a deep breath, take a step back, and recognize that EVERYONE who is progressive and Democratic is under a LOT of stress as we do what we can to hold the fragments of our country together by keeping our fingers in the cracks of the dam. Karl Rove is the epitome of what makes the Bush Administration so malevolent, so deceitful and destructive to the good names and lives of many decent Americans; and I'm second to NO ONE in wanting him to get his just desserts. However, I think WE'RE ALL STARTING TO FREAK OUT A LITTLE because we're so DAMNED IMPATIENT...and what results is speculation after speculation after bad report after bad journalism--and thus, our response to it is to start going at each other's f*cking throats?

[Watching Leftists FREAK OUT is FUn to watch!]

I don't know which is more annoying: the way some people here pretend they know what the f*ck they're talking about, when they don't have a clue, or the unrestrained hostility they have for people who actually know of what they speak.

[I just LOVE these Lose/Lose situations!]

Maybe we can get ct to create a filter that autmatically puts a clown suit on any diary that contains the strings Wayne Madsen and/or Jason Leopold. I think that would take care of the problem.

[Or a pile of cat stools on any such diary.]

This diary really pissed me off. I'm still very upset that no indictments of Rove have come down yet. I really hope this diary is wrong. At the same time -- what is going on??? There is no way you can convince me that Fitzgerald doesn't have enough to indict. Sure he has. WHY HASN'T IT HAPPENED??? I'm getting pissed at Fitzgerald at this point. If Rove walks away from this, I swear....

[....I'll never look at another cat stool again.]

This is bullshit. Shut your f*cking piehole about the psychiatrist stuff. Call the guy an asshole. Tell him he's delusional. Gang up on him with Armando, and anyone else who feels like piling on. But please shut up with all your comments about mental illness and psychiatrists.

[Support mental health or I'LL KILL YOU!!!]

As someone who has been diagnosed with chronic clinical depression who takes a daily maximum dose of Zoloft, I think I am perfectly entitled to tell someone else that they're crazy.

[It takes one to know one.]

Just let the process work, and kill the bullshit baseless specualting. Leave that to the pros such as Leoplold.

[Finally, Jason Leopold gets the proper respect for his body of work.]

Because of this insanity we are giving all the talking heads and Rightwing blogs ammunition to smack us down and call us foolish and conspiracy theorist.

[Hee! Hee!]


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: catstools; crap; dummies; fitzmas; hoaxmas; kittyping; robertluskin; willpitt
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To: Politicalities

Technically these are KOSsacks.


61 posted on 05/22/2006 7:28:48 AM PDT by PJ-Comix (Join the DUmmie FUnnies PING List for the FUNNIEST Blog on the Web)
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To: PJ-Comix
Well, these particular loons are KOSsacks. But the brush carries plenty enough tar for the DUmmies as well.
62 posted on 05/22/2006 7:29:58 AM PDT by Politicalities (http://www.politicalities.com)
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To: PJ-Comix
I believe certain members of the Press have just about had it with Gonzales' shit.

I believe certain members of the DUnghill have just about had it with W(K)R(A)P's sh*t.

W(K)R(A)P in Sh*tsonutty.

63 posted on 05/22/2006 7:32:52 AM PDT by Charles Henrickson (Bull Pitt.)
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To: SaveTheChief

Let's just say you were 100-business-percent correct.


64 posted on 05/22/2006 7:34:19 AM PDT by Cletus.D.Yokel (To a DUmmie, meds be creds!)
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To: PJ-Comix
I'm kind of stalling for time here...

It scared the living shit out of me.

I sense a theme emerging.

65 posted on 05/22/2006 7:35:08 AM PDT by Charles Henrickson (Bathroom stall.)
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To: PJ-Comix
Holy molly, what a bunch of wacko's

For the last hour or so, I've been Googleing some of the main players in Hoaxmas and following the links - YIKES - these people are certifiably i-n-s-a-n-e! And this Wayne Madsen nut seems to be the worst of the crazies.

66 posted on 05/22/2006 7:48:11 AM PDT by Condor51 (Better to fight for something than live for nothing - Gen. George S. Patton)
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To: Charles Henrickson
Sounds like this couldbe a real catastrophe for the DUmmies. It could be severe enough to make them all catatonic.
67 posted on 05/22/2006 7:49:37 AM PDT by Hillarys Gate Cult (The man who said "there's no such thing as a stupid question" has never talked to Helen Thomas.)
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To: PJ-Comix
From the Post article:

The cat's medical tests, Luskin says, found that "the stools were free of harmful parasites, which is more than I can say for this case."

Epic. Rack that alllll over the place.

-Eric

68 posted on 05/22/2006 7:49:47 AM PDT by E Rocc (The Illuminati’s most secret ritual is the worship of Karl Rove.)
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To: Politicalities

"Suppose you were firmly convinced that the government of the United States deliberately engineered the events of 9/11. Suppose you believed that that same government purposely lied to provoke a war. The DUmmies believe all of this and worse. What would you do?"

The revolution will be fought with a keyboard from mommy's basement.


69 posted on 05/22/2006 7:50:11 AM PDT by beans36 ("Is that 24 real hours or dog hours?")
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To: PJ-Comix

Top 75! Still quick on the draw, like Gene Wilder in the first reel of Blazing Saddles.


70 posted on 05/22/2006 7:51:35 AM PDT by Mr. Silverback (Try Jesus--If you don't like Him, the devil will always take you back.)
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To: PJ-Comix
Jason Leopold has stated that he will now try to disprove Luskin's alibi by calling every vet in a 20 mile radius of Washington, D.C.

If his current vet gives out information to any goofball who calls, I'd advise Luskin to take his cat's stools elsewhere in future.

71 posted on 05/22/2006 8:01:37 AM PDT by steve-b (A desire not to butt into other people's business is eighty percent of all human wisdom)
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To: Hillarys Gate Cult

"Sounds like this couldbe a real catastrophe for the DUmmies. It could be severe enough to make them all catatonic."

*snicker*


72 posted on 05/22/2006 8:02:24 AM PDT by imskylark
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To: SoothingDave
" Swish!"

Yeah! Also, not much of a bio to hang a journalism reputation on.

73 posted on 05/22/2006 8:11:15 AM PDT by bcsco ("He who is wedded to the spirit of the age is soon a widower" - Anonymous)
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To: PJ-Comix
"Did Gonzales Kill Fitz's Rove Indictments?"

If there is an indictment in this case Gonzales or someone should kill it. This politically motivated fishing expedition tactic of investigating hated conservatives such as Rove and Delay for acts that are NOT CRIMES to begin with, and then indicting them on perjury charges claiming they lied to the investigators about a NON-CRIMINAL matter is despicable and way beyond unconstitutional IMHO.

Sorry for ranting. I know this is humor thread, but this issue makes my blood boil.

74 posted on 05/22/2006 8:12:32 AM PDT by epow (Jesus is Lord of all)
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To: Hillarys Gate Cult
Sounds like this could be a real catastrophe for the DUmmies. It could be severe enough to make them all catatonic.

They're feline down in the DUmps. Even so, they still believe Rove is guilty of a feliney.

75 posted on 05/22/2006 8:12:40 AM PDT by Charles Henrickson (Feline tagline.)
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To: bcsco

No surprise Howard Kurtz reports reporters are annoyed they have to deal w/ these LW moonbat liars.


76 posted on 05/22/2006 8:13:39 AM PDT by finnman69 (cum puella incedit minore medio corpore sub quo manifestu s globus, inflammare animos)
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To: steve-b
If his current vet gives out information to any goofball who calls, I'd advise Luskin to take his cat's stools elsewhere in future.

It really is pathetic. As if Luskin owes ANYBODY an explanation about where he was on Friday! Sheesh. They are acting like he must provide an "alibi" when he isn't being accused of any wrongdoing. Leopold already looked like a kook, and hounding veterinarians for info on a private citizen (and his poor cat) just compounds that.

77 posted on 05/22/2006 8:18:29 AM PDT by KJC1
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To: PJ-Comix
Jason Leopold may have been right after all.

Can a Leopold change his spots?

Or his cat stool?

Jason "The Big Cat" Leopold and His Big Cat Stool.

78 posted on 05/22/2006 8:18:33 AM PDT by Charles Henrickson (Leopold & Lib: The Laff Kings of Leftist "Journalism.")
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To: PJ-Comix

Top 100?


79 posted on 05/22/2006 8:21:27 AM PDT by freedumb2003 (I LIKE you! When I am Ruler of Earth, yours will be a quick and painless death </Stewie>)
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To: finnman69
"No surprise Howard Kurtz reports reporters are annoyed they have to deal w/ these LW moonbat liars."

...Which to some degree amazes me. Leopold/Pitt/Ash are bottom feeders. Why does the MSM feel they have to waste time on this to begin with? The only answer I come up with is that they WANT it to bet true so any reference, regardless of where it comes from, must be checked out.

If the desire wasn't there, I doubt they'd be wasting their time. For that reason I see this as a very telling article about the MSM.

80 posted on 05/22/2006 8:22:56 AM PDT by bcsco ("He who is wedded to the spirit of the age is soon a widower" - Anonymous)
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