DUmmie FUnnies 09-07-05 ("I KNOW That There Is No God! Here's Why")

DUmmie FUnnies ^ | September 7, 2005 | DUmmies and PJ-Comix

[PJ-Comix]

I bet some of you have occasionally tried to describe the level of insanity of the DUmmies to your skeptical friends. Perhaps they can't believe that anybody could be as nutty as you describe. If so, then perhaps you should refer them to this DUmmie THREAD titled, "I KNOW That There Is No God! Here's Why." As you will see, the level of DUmmie HATRED of George Bush has gone even beyond psychopathic levels. In fact the author of this particular thread, DUmmie DistressedAmerican, needs to not only consult with a shrink, but needs to be paid a little visit from the Secret Service. As usual, the psychopathic DUmmie rantings are in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, mopping rabid DUmmie foam off the floor, is in the [brackets]:

I KNOW That There Is No God! Here's Why.

[WARNING! PATHETIC PSYCHOPATHIC RANT TO FOLLOW!]

Bush still breathes.
Bush still stands.
Bush still walks.
Bush still has power.
Bush is still rich.
Bush's parents also still doing all of the above.
IN SHORT:
Bush has not been SMOTE!
Any God worth his salt would have killed the bastard and his entire evil family years ago. I think a bolt of lightening would do the job quite nicely.
OK, Maybe I am wrong. Maybe He does exist but fears we will invade heaven of he rids us of this evil, sociopath! If this is indeed the case:
God, Now is your time. They still haven't the resources to come after you. Strike him down! Show me some of that old shool (testament) WRATH!

[If you think the rage of DUmmie DistressedAmerican is beyond belief now, imagine how it will be when he finds himself screaming this stuff at the prison walls. He is flat out calling for the murder of the President. A federal crime.]

Well, He works in mysterious ways, you know.... Maybe the smiting is just around the corner.

[DUmmie Ron_Green in a hopeful mood.]

I believe the disaster was proof enough Either God is a useless observer like all of us, incompetent and without any power to stop horrible things from happening, or he/she is an asshole that allows or causes these horrible things to happen for his/her own reason and we are meant to suffer for them ignorant of why.I really don't know how else to think of it. I'm sure many will be upset with these thoughts but really truly, without saying any "He works in mysterious ways" nonsense how can you say that there is some deity in charge worthy of love and worship? God is love? Well god let people die all over the South. No prayers were answered by the people who begged for mercy and continue to beg.

[A DUmmie "theologian" weighs in.]

Here's how I knew - Crimson Tide. I knew there was no 'God' (as taught to me by our culture, anyway) when I realized that a merciful, intelligent-designing, loving, all-powerful, supremely perfect deity would not have designed women to bleed for 7 days a month in order to be fertile. WTF is THAT about?!Doesn't sound like intelligent design to me.I can't wait until it is scientifically eradicated. I suspect this has been possible for decades, but, for some reason, our little birth control packets still mercifully allow 7 blank days so our Aunt from Alabama can come to visit.If this god was so intelligent, we would just have an egg sit there until it got fertilized, not be shed every month. Nevermind the whole concept. Until I realized how you got pregnant, I thought women just *decided* when they would have a baby, and that was all that was necessary. Understandably, I have been a little miffed at 'nature' since.

[I have to give this DUmmie atheist credit for creativity. First time I ever heard of someone becoming an atheist because of menstruation.]

If God wants all the credit and adoration. Then he can bloody well pitch in like the rest of us. When the least of us -- the poor, the elderly, the babies -- have to pay with their lives for the failure of government or someone else's sins, that's just mindlessly cruel. If there are consequences then perhaps its time for those in charge to start paying them.

[So who do you blame for Hurricane Katrina. God or Bush? Probably both.]

Bush is the entire reason that I don't believe in Karma

[Because you always end up as the DUmmie Coyote as the Bush RoadRunner leaves you in his dust. BEEP! BEEP!]

Tell God I Have Been Workig My Ass Off To Rid Us Of This Guy. Time for Him to help me. I'm helping myself.Where is my backup?

[Windsurfing off Nantucket.]

[PJ-Comix]

I saw the guy today who will be building me that computer. One reason why he is giving me a good deal is that I told him I wanted to do a Podcast where sometimes I will be interviewing Porn actresses, as well as commenting on the DUmmies, and I suggested he could be a guest on the show along with the Porn chicks.

[decal]

"The guy quickly left but why do people need to reminded that you DON'T USE YOUR CELLPHONE IN THE LIBRARY!!!"

Well, he DID get you to forget to pitch for your DU book (with accompanying CD) so maybe it was worth it ;)

At any rate, atheism, like evil itself, is its own punishment - ever see a happy atheist?

[Charles Henrickson]

For those DUmmies who think they're smarter than God, I offer the following Far Side classic:

[decal]

"Perhaps they can't believe that anybody could be as nutty as you describe. If so, then perhaps you should refer them to this DUmmie THREAD titled, "I KNOW That There Is No God! Here's Why." As you will see, the level of DUmmie HATRED of George Bush has gone even beyond psychopathic levels..."

I've come to the conclusion that a significant number of the nuttier posters at DU are FReeper Trolls egging on the Barking Moonbats (BM for short) and that the mods there are too muddle-headed to see it.

They try it here but are always caught quickly.

Or as Spock will once have said: "It's far easier for civilized men to behave like barbarians than it is for barbarians to behave like civilized men."

[Charles Henrickson]

Show me some of that old shool (testament) WRATH!

You DUmmies, above all, ought to be glad God doesn't strike down all sinners on sight.

[shezza]

Oh.
My.
God.
This is one of the few rants I've not been able to make it all the way through. Just wow.

[Amityschild]

I found a whole page of them.

Okay...that was hysterical :-)

[Ditter]

You can certainly find em PJ. I was over at DU a little whole ago and I didn't see this one. I did feel the heat of their George Bush hatred and I am not even signed up over there. If I could just come up with a good screen name I'd sign up. Maybe BlueEyesCryingInTheBushInducedRain or PleaseDon'tHurtMeI'mNotArmed, those are pretty long. How about Woe Is Me or I'mBrokeOnMyAssAndRepubsOweMe, now I've gotten too long again, I'll have to think on it again.

[Ditter]

oopps typo Whole=while

[Charles Henrickson]

[A DUmmie "theologian" weighs in.]

Theologians--professional and amateur--have been weighing in on the problem of evil ever since Eve took a bite of that apple. See Job and his friends. See the Book of Psalms: "Why do the wicked prosper and the righteous suffer?" See St. Paul's words in Romans 9 about the potter and the clay. The Bible deals with this question all over the place. And it is there, in Holy Scripture, that we find the Ultimate Answer as to how God has dealt with this problem for all time.

[socialismisinsidious]

I hope that the Secret Service is watching these nut cases.

[Hillarys Gate Cult]

While trolling DUmmiworld, I had the good fortune to see a couple of Christians, angry at constantly being bashed all the time at DUmmieland leave. No bloated opuses, just flat out told the Dummies why they were leaving. One was a long time poster who I couldn't figure out why if they were Christians they were even able to stand it there for more than a few minutes. The posts don't last long before being deleted by the goofball Skinner or his minions, so seeing these posts are like a sighting a rare bird. I wonder how often it happens when we're not looking.

Again a big thank you to PJ-Comix for saving us from having to wade through the river of filth that is DUmmieworld. Since DUmmie FUnnies started I rarely go there as PJ usually picks the most hilarious examples of their delusions to post here.

[Amityschild]

Charles...one of your all time best. Can't wait til the DUmmies get to see it!

[MoochPooch]

"Getting your period doesn't rule, but it never made me lose my religion or anything."


Theology aside, my question is: What does Bush have to do with my period? I mean, I get PMS & cramps too & all that, but . . . even THAT's his fault?

[JakeWyld]

I love it when unGodly people describe God as all knowing and all loving (he is) but ignore the part where it says "If you love ME. You will keep my commandments".


They also ignore the part where it says "God is angry with the wicked every day".

[Budge]

DUmmies --- obviously good Christians all!

< /sarcasm>

[JakeWyld]

Why do people think of God as their genie?

"Oh Lord, if I could just win the lottery tomorrow..."

"Oh, Lord, let little Jimmy win first place tomorrow you KNOW how he HATES to loose to those wretched kids down the street."

etc, etc, etc.

[Purrcival]

Yes! I remember that one! Love it - thanks.

[chesley]

"Bush has not been SMOTE"

Yeah, bad grammer, but rather catchy, don't you think?

Hill has not been smote. Gore has not been smote. Kerry has not been smote. Schumer, Kennedy, and Feinstein have not been smote. Yeah, I like it. And I have one question? Why haven't they?

[Ditter]

I wish I lived near you so I could attend a church with a conservative pastor. *sigh*