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DUmmie FUnnies 05-06-05 ("TomPaine.com: What didn't happen in Ohio")
DUmmie FUnnies ^ | May 6, 2005 | DUmmies and PJ-Comix

Posted on 05/06/2005 4:03:32 PM PDT by PJ-Comix

DUmmieland is in an uproar because the Leftwing TomPaine.Com website published an article claiming that there was NO vote fraud conspiracy in Ohio. This is heresy in the eyes of the DUmmies because one of their most treasured beliefs is that the EVIL Republicans STOLE the election by rigging the votes in Ohio. One side effect of this belief is that it made Bev Harris a very rich woman since she scammed the DUmmies for at least $300,000 by making them think she was only $10 away from proving vote fraud in Ohio. There are actually two DUmmie threads expressing their OUTRAGE over the TomPaine.Com article. The first THREAD is titled, "’What Didn't Happen in Ohio’ This article DEMANDS a response!” and the second THREAD is simply titled, “TomPaine.com: What didn't happen in Ohio.” Both these threads have the typical lunatic DUmmie responses so both will be DUFUed. As usual, the rantings of the DUmmies unable to let go of their sacred Ohio vote fraud beliefs are in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, with $10 in his pocket that he did NOT send to Bev Harris, is in the [brackets]:

“For casting doubt on the conspiracy theory, TomPaine.com and I received virtual barrels of e-mail, most from angry anti-Bush activists who could not believe that their hard work had been for naught. I also heard from Steven Freeman, a University of Pennsylvania professor and author of a widely cited study that served as the primary basis for the pro-theft-theory folks, The Unexplained Exit Poll Discrepancy . His remarks, and my response to them, appeared on TomPaine.com.”

[For casting doubt on the Ohio vote fraud conspiracy, I brand you a HERETIC!!! Let the Auto Da Fe begin!]

“Privately, I heard from many Democratic officials, election reform advocates and analysts from inside Ohio and elsewhere, who believed my reporting to be accurate, and who were more than a little perturbed by the frenzy, which they found a counterproductive distraction from the serious ongoing effort to reform election practices. Since the debate refuses to die, this seems a good time to trumpet the arrival of not just one, but two, new technical analyses that cast further doubt upon the conspiracy theories out there. The author of the first is an earnest young fellow in San Diego named Rick Brady.”

[Privately I’ve heard that the only loons left believing in the Ohio vote fraud conspiracy are the DUmmies and Teh-RAY-suh Heinz.]

”So, absent the emergence of true polling methodology experts screaming theft, we may reasonably conclude that no evil genius rigged the results. Instead, what we experienced was probably an amalgam of system failings, miscalculations, incompetence, and, in some cases, the variably successful exertions of biased election officials. These are, at worst, symptoms of gaming the system, a deplorable practice hardly limited to this election or, historically, to one party. The anomalies being cited, including by Christopher Hitchens—apparently without any notable independent verification—in a widely cited Vanity Fair piece, may prove to be invalid, or attributable as well to other factors. Perhaps fraud occurred on an isolated basis, but no one has come forward with careful documentation—as opposed to hysterical—unscientific allegation.”

[No! No! Don’t wanna hear this! Don’t you know that Karl Rove was the EVIL genius that rigged the election?]

“Until the public becomes confident in the underlying integrity of the electoral apparatus in this country, none of the urgently needed improvements to that system can take place. That’s why the conspiracy-mongering must cease. Can we instead please turn now to the many substantive proposals already being proffered to make things better—including pending legislation? Let’s keep our eye on the real ball that’s in our court.”

[Hey! Don’t tell me when I have to cease my mongering! Now that we have seen portions of this article, let us now take a look at the DUmmie outraged reaction to it.]

Bullshit! I saw it with my own eyes. I heard it w/ my own ears. I live in Columbus, Ohio too.

[And I saw space aliens land on Washington Mall with my own eyes. I heard it w/ my own ears. I live in the state of Insanity.]

Congratulations! More self-defeating bullshit, naysaying. Wunderbar!

[When even the far left TomPaine website thinks that the DUmmies are a bunch of moonbats, you know they are really far gone.]

Two very close elections. Two Republican Secs of State. Both Republican Secs of State doing double duty as Bush's state campaign chairs. Diebold machines manufactured and in use in key counties in both states. Big GOP donors running Diebold. Not least, a strong racist undertone re voter-access -- longer lines in heavy black precincts, etc. In sum, that is the infrastructure of cheating. Bush-Cheney cheated. Kerry-Edwards won.

[You certainly do present a convincing case…. that your oxygen supply was turned off at a young age.]

WE ARE NOT GOING TO STOP UNTIL JUSTICE IS DONE!

[THE COMEDY WILL NEVER END!]

I just emailed Russ Baker begging him to tell me this is satire.

[So sorry. It’s the bitter truth.]

my response is that he's right on…And I would add that I've suspected for a long time that some of the "activism" is actually intended to deliberately create and nourish unwarranted distrust in the system for malicious reasons.

[And this Dummie wins a Kewpie doll for having a very brief moment of mental clarity!]


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: andyscam; battleground; dummies; voterfraud
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To: Fenris6

61 posted on 05/06/2005 8:58:03 PM PDT by Charles Henrickson (The Rove sees all, knows all, controls all.)
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To: Fenris6

62 posted on 05/06/2005 9:16:42 PM PDT by Charles Henrickson (Cincinnutti, Ohio.)
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To: PJ-Comix
Last I heard, Undie landed in Columbus, Ohio. So what gives?

Another episode in Undie Stephenson, Air-Plane Investigator.


63 posted on 05/06/2005 9:36:17 PM PDT by Charles Henrickson (Even at great risk to his own health.)
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To: PJ-Comix
WE ARE NOT GOING TO STOP UNTIL JUSTICE IS DONE!

Stop what? Sitting on your fat unemployed rearend posting leftie cliches on DU?

(64th by the way)

64 posted on 05/06/2005 9:42:28 PM PDT by Roscoe Karns
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To: PJ-Comix

Russ Baker speaks

"Ladies and GentleDUmmies, I'M.... JUST.... A CAVEMAN. I fell on some ICE and was THAWED OUT by some of your SCIENTISTS. Your modern world FRIGHTENS and CONFUSES me. Sometimes the STRANGE WHEELED MACHINES with the funny little BUMPER STICKERS honk at me when I try to cross the road. Sometimes the VOICE of that little man from Texas makes me want to curl into a ball when I hear it coming out of that MAGIC MOVING-PICTURE BOX. Sometimes when I VOTE on those MAGIC DIEBOLD VOTING MACHINES I wonder: 'Where did my vote go? Did evil spirits crawl into the machine and take it away?' I don't know these things.

"BUT THERE IS ONE THING I DO KNOW: Absent the emergence of true polling methodology experts screaming theft, we may reasonably conclude that no evil genius rigged the results. Instead, what we experienced was probably an amalgam of system failings, miscalculations, incompetence, and, in some cases, the variably successful exertions of biased election officials. These are, at worst, symptoms of gaming the system, a deplorable practice hardly limited to this election or, historically, to one party. The anomalies being cited, including by Christopher Hitchens—apparently without any notable independent verification—in a widely cited Vanity Fair piece, may prove to be invalid, or attributable as well to other factors. Perhaps fraud occurred on an isolated basis, but no one has come forward with careful documentation—as opposed to hysterical—unscientific allegation.

"Until the public becomes confident in the underlying integrity of the electoral apparatus in this country, none of the urgently needed improvements to that system can take place. That’s why the conspiracy-mongering must cease. Can we instead please turn now to the many substantive proposals already being proffered to make things better—including pending legislation? Let’s keep our eye on the real ball that’s in our court."

65 posted on 05/06/2005 10:12:18 PM PDT by Flux Capacitor (Trust me. I know what I'm doing.)
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To: PJ-Comix

I just wanted to say that I GREATLY appreciate the service you provide, PJ. It enlivens an otherwise depressing existence.


66 posted on 05/06/2005 10:13:12 PM PDT by Clemenza (I am NOT A NUMBER, I am a FREE MAN!!!)
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To: Flux Capacitor
I just emailed Russ Baker begging him to tell me this is satire

He just e-mailed back dying to know if you're a pitcher or a catcher.

67 posted on 05/06/2005 10:33:18 PM PDT by Roscoe Karns
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To: PJ-Comix
You have got to do a thread on the DUmmies and the Baptist Church kicking the Dems out. That is one of the funniest things I have ever seen. They have themselves twisted up in so many knots I think they may not survive this story.
They are running the spectrum from total hate, and venom to quoting scripture. A couple are talking about burning the Church!
I don't necessarily agree with what this minister did (I don't think we are getting the whole story), but if it causes this much mental diarrhea from those idiots it's worth it.
68 posted on 05/07/2005 12:11:11 AM PDT by rikkir (The Dems see their demise, and his name is Delay!!)
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To: Charles Henrickson

One of my all time pathetic DUmmie pics.


69 posted on 05/07/2005 4:36:16 AM PDT by jslade ("If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.")
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To: franksolich

(singing along with the Brecker Brothers....."Don't get funny with my money.....don't set no scams with my clams...."


70 posted on 05/07/2005 4:53:51 AM PDT by NRA1995 (John Edwards: "Mah daddy worked in a MEEL")
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To: gidget7

Yeah. There were long lines at my polling station, which is in a near lily white upper middle class bedroom community which is home to a small university (but voted Republican this time). My daughter and I had a 3 hour wait. It was record turnout - the poll personnel looked it up and were talking about it while we waited. Some lady actually fainted (trust a southern belle for a little drama).


71 posted on 05/07/2005 5:08:40 AM PDT by Roses0508
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To: NRA1995; PJ-Comix; speed_addiction; JLO; Charles Henrickson; Purrcival; Dashing Dasher; ...

My, my, my, my, my.

My, my.

I get up this morning, only to find that the DUmmies now need ALL of the $50,000 by Monday morning; otherwise the surgery is off.

And in the meantime, the felonious DUmmie Andy Stephenson, instead of standing by in Maryland for the cash to roll in, so he can check into Johns Hopkins, is playing and cavorting around in Ohio.

Uh, one wonders about something.

Hotel stay in Baltimore, hotel stay in Ohio, airplane tickets Ohio-Maryland, Maryland-Ohio, and then Ohio-Maryland again.....hmmmm, that might add up to a few hundred dollars that could have been used to diminish the $4,800 shortfall on the first $25,000 payment, if the felonious DUmmie Andy Stephenson had just stuck around in Maryland, shacking up on the living-room couch of his buddy who works for Johns Hopkins.

Hotel bills, airplane tickets, add up.

I know if I were deathly ill, and waiting for money, I would just sit still, sit tight, going nowhere, waiting until the cash came.

Perhaps the felonious DUmmie Andy Stephenson is two-timing on the DUmmie "termite," and has a "secret" boyfriend in, or near, Ohio?

I went through that entire DUmmie thread, and the mathematics, the numbers, do not add up.

I doubt they have raised the first $25,000 yet.

Bah, humbug.


72 posted on 05/07/2005 5:58:34 AM PDT by franksolich (crime never pays)
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To: Clemenza

You want to see lively action, hang around, and wait until the DUmmie fund-raisers "sfexpat2000" and "flyarm" have a falling-out with the felonious DUmmie Andy Stephenson.

It's going to break up their friendships.

Happens all the time; I've seen it too many times to count.

Yawn. Criminal minds are soooooo predictable.


73 posted on 05/07/2005 6:02:10 AM PDT by franksolich (crime never pays)
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To: PJ-Comix

Hey P.J., have you noticed that the incredibly boring DUmmie PUnidiot "William Pitt" is starting to, uh, monopolize DUmmieland with his incredibly boring PDA (Progressive Democrats of America) ramblings?

Man, who needs sleeping pills when around the incredibly boring DUmmie PUnidiot "William Pitt"?

I mean, I am hardly an exciting person myself, what with the personality of a dead fish, but compared with the incredibly boring DUmmie PUnidiot "William Pitt," I'm sure most would consider me the life of the party.

If I were the Grand DUmmie "Skinner," I would keep my eyes open on this; perhaps the PDA plan to move in on DUmmieland and take over the place.....on the Grand DUmmie "Skinner"'s dime.

It would not however be the same analogy as an incredibly boring minnow swallowing a whale; it would be more the same as an incredibly boring minnow swallowing a circus.


74 posted on 05/07/2005 6:09:17 AM PDT by franksolich (alas poor Grand DUmmie "Skinner;" all these freeloaders on his dime)
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To: PJ-Comix; franksolich; Roscoe Karns; speed_addiction; beckysueb; LUV W; Purrcival; ...
In honor of International Haiku Day:

DUFU Haiku

DUmmie Ants caught in
A Perfect Rovian Storm!
Thus, DUmmie FUnnies!

75 posted on 05/07/2005 8:32:52 AM PDT by Charles Henrickson (The wag tailoring the doggerel)
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To: Charles Henrickson

Our beloved leader, CHIMPUS KHAN, says thank you for that Haiku!
It says it all!

76 posted on 05/07/2005 8:46:50 AM PDT by luvie ((Freedom is on the march. Freedom is the birthright and deep desire of every human soul.GWB 3-29-05))
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To: PJ-Comix

Another good one PJ.

BTW, does anybody have a pic of DUmmie husb2sparkly? I need one for my webpage.


77 posted on 05/07/2005 9:12:25 AM PDT by BadCat13
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To: Clemenza
I just wanted to say that I GREATLY appreciate the service you provide, PJ. It enlivens an otherwise depressing existence.

I was thinking of you early last night when I went to visit a friend of mine's new store on Oakland Park Blvd.. When I left the store, a whole bunch of wierdo punk types were lined up in front of nightclub next door. Their CONFORMITY was amazing. All the guys wore baggy dark pants tucked into boots along with black shirts. All the women were wearing tight black pants and white shirts. Plus they all had purple hair and were multi-pierced. Just my vision of what typical chicks in Seattle are like.

78 posted on 05/07/2005 2:20:11 PM PDT by PJ-Comix (Join the DUmmie FUnnies PING List for the FUNNIEST Blog on the Web)
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To: franksolich

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! The DUmmie story keeps CHANGING. First they ABSOLUTELY FOR SURE needed the $25,000 down payment by monday. Okay, they SUPPOSEDLY raised that amount but for some strange reason couldn't find the Johns Hopkins "money lady" to give it to. Then by Tuesday they just didn't even bother to come up with an excuse as to why Johns Hopkins hasn't been paid yet. And now the story changes ONCE again. Instead of just $25,000 down payment they need the WHOLE $50,000 by Tuesday. Meanwhile DUmmie Undie instead of saving his money by standing by near Johns Hopkins is spending bucks flying off to Ohio despite the surgery he is SUPPOSED to be desperate for. Hey DUmmies! How about sending your money to the Brooklyn Bridge Hospital?


79 posted on 05/07/2005 2:26:49 PM PDT by PJ-Comix (Join the DUmmie FUnnies PING List for the FUNNIEST Blog on the Web)
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To: PJ-Comix; Purrcival; JLO; speed_addiction

Correction; the once-wonderful now-evil Johns Hopkins needs the $50,000 in full by Monday, not Tuesday.

There appears to be a great deal of exaggeration going on, about the money that has actually been raised, and all of these figures just don't add up.

I doubt, really, if they have the first $25,000 yet, which they had needed this past Monday (May 2nd).

Right now (about 5:00 p.m. Saturday, Nebraska time), the DUmmies are alleging $35,000, but that sum obviously includes proceeds from "auctions," which are not over yet.

In other words, any current totals given by the DUmmies are totals they HOPE to have attained, not totals they have actually gotten in the bank.

A physician friend (old college classmate, roommate) tells me that the DUmmies apparently have told a "cock-and-bull" story about Johns Hopkins; the procedure for someone being admitted there for treatment, whatnot.

This is a con game--as we here have known all along--and a con game in which the felonious DUmmie Andy Stephenson is showing he is even more dishonest, more criminal, than his former mentor and shepherdress Bev Harris.


80 posted on 05/07/2005 3:35:12 PM PDT by franksolich (alas poor Grand DUmmie "Skinner;" all these freeloaders on his dime)
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