Only in California - New Driver's Exam - (very funny!)

Email | APRIL 29, 2005 | Unknown

[CHARLITE]

For those of you who are not "fortunate" enough to live in California,

here is a copy of the California Driver's Exam, and for those of you

who do, study real hard.

This is a new Exam. Since driving conditions (and culture) are unique

in California, you may not have realized that the California

Department

of Motor Vehicles has now issued a special Application and driver's

test solely for the California area.

2005 CALIFORNIA DRIVER'S LICENSE APPLICATION

Name: ___________________ Stage Name:__________________

Agent: ___________________ Attorney:____________________

Therapist's Name: _________________

Sex: [ ] Male [ ] Female* [ ] Formerly Male [ ] Formerly Female [ ]

Both

*If female, indicate breast implant size: _______

Will the size of your implants hinder your ability to safely operate a

motor

vehicle in any way? [ ] Yes [ ] No

Please list brand of cell phone: ________.

If you don't own a cell phone, please explain why you don't:

________________________________________ _______

(Use extra pages, if necessary)

Please check hair color: Females: [ ] Blonde [ ] Platinum Blonde

Teenagers: [ ] Red [ ] Orange [ ] Green [ ] Purple [ ] Blue [ ]

Skinhead [

] Other ___________

Please check activities you perform while driving: (Check all that

apply)

[ ] Eating

[ ] Drinking Starbucks coffee

[ ] Applying make-up

[ ] Shaving (male or female)

[X] Talking on the phone (already checked for your convenience)

[ ] Lifting weights

[ ] Slapping kids in the back-seat

[ ] Applying cellulite treatment to thighs

[ ] Tanning

[ ] Snorting cocaine

[ ] Watching TV

[ ] Reading Variety

[ ] Surfing the net via laptop

[ ] Discharging firearms / reloading

Please indicate how many times, while driving, you expect to:

[ ] a) Shoot at other drivers ___

[ ] b) Be shot at ___

If you are the victim of a carjacking, you should immediately:

[ ] a) Call the police to report the crime.

[ ] b) Call Channel 9 News to report the crime, then watch your car on

the

news in a high-speed chase.

[ ] c) Call your attorney and discuss lawsuit against cellular phone

company

for your 911 call not going through.

[ ] d) Call your therapist.

In the event of an earthquake, you should:

[ ] a) Stop your car.

[ ] b) Keep driving and hope for the best.

[ ] c) Immediately use your cell phone to call all loved ones. [ ] d)

Pull

out your video camera and obtain footage for Channel 9.

In the instance of rain, you should:

[ ] a) Never drive over 5 MPH.

[ ] b) Drive twice as fast as usual.

[ ] c) You're not sure what "rain" is.

Please indicate your current number of therapy sessions per week:

________

Are you presently taking any of the following medications?

[ ] a) Prozac

[ ] b) Zovirax

[ ] c) Lithium

[ ] d) Zanax

[ ] e) Valium

[ ] f) Medical pot

[ ] g) Zoloft

[ ] h) All of the above

[ ] i) None of the above*

* If none, please explain: __________________.

Length of daily commute:

[ ] a) Less than 1 hour*

[ ] b) 1 hour

[ ] c) 2 hours

[ ] d) 3 hours

[ ] e) 4 hours or more

* If less than 1 hour, please explain:____________________.

When stopped by police, you should:

[ ] a) Pull over and have your driver's license and insurance form

ready.

[ ] b) Try to outrun them by driving the wrong way on the freeway.

[ ] c) Have your video camera ready and provoke them to attack, thus

ensuring yourself of a hefty lawsuit profit.

When you see a woman driver with her arm extended out the window, it

means:

[ ] a) Her turn-signals are broken.

[ ] b) She is giving an indication she intends to change lanes.

[ ] c) She is drying her nails.

Which part of your car will wear out first?

[ ] a) The wiper blades

[ ] b) The seat belts

[ ] c) The horn

Automatic door locks are good for:

[ ] a) Security

[ ] b) Convenience

[ ] c) Messing with the heads of people trying to get in.

The "bright" setting on your headlights is for:

[ ] a) Dark, poorly lit roads

[ ] b) Flashing to get the car ahead to move out of the way

[ ] c) Revenge

[Beth528]

I got this is the mail some time back from a former friend.I laughed then and am doing so now.

[Mark in the Old South]

Re: "By and large people are the same where ever you go. Be it Houston, TX, Los Angles, CA, NY, NY, or Normal, IL"

By and large no doubt but not all state governments are the same and I have enough of a beef with the government in the Commonwealth of Virginia. I would just as soon not add to my headaches.

Besides after 20 years in the Navy I met enough people from all over the country to develop some ideas about the people who live in those states (the stories I could tell). And California is different, real different. So is New Jersey there isn't enough Zolof on the planet to make those folks happy. At least drugs help cheer up the folks in CA.

[BillyBoy]

A standard California driver's license is actually written like this:

USO 2005 DE LA LICENCIA DE CONDUCTOR DE CALIFORNIA

Nombre: ________________________________
Nombre artístico Del: ___________________
Agente:__________________
abogado:____________________ del ___________________

Nombre De Therapist: _________________
Sexo:
[ ] Hembra Masculina *
[ ] Antes Hembra Del Varón
[ ] Antes
[ ] Ambos *

Si la hembra, indica tamaño del implante del pecho: _______

¿El tamaño de sus implantes obstaculizará su capacidad de funcionar con seguridad un vehículo de motor de manera? [ ] Sí [ ] No

Por favor marca de fábrica de la lista del teléfono de la célula: ________.

Si usted no posee un teléfono de la célula, explique por favor porqué usted no lo hace: _______ del ________________________________________
(páginas adicionales del uso, en caso de necesidad)

Compruebe por favor el color del pelo:
Hembras: [ ] Blonde Del Platino Del Blonde [ ] Adolescentes: [ ] [ ] [ ] Azul Púrpura Anaranjado Rojo Del Verde [ ] [ ] [ ] Cabeza rapada [ ] el otro ___________

Compruebe por favor las actividades que usted se realiza mientras que conduce: (compruebe todo el que apliqúese)
[ ] el comer
[ ] café de Starbucks que bebe
[ ] aplicando maquillaje
[ ] afeitando (varón o hembra)
[X] El hablar en el teléfono (comprobado ya para su conveniencia)
[ ] pesos de elevación
[ ] dando una palmada a cabritos en el back-seat
[ ] aplicando el tratamiento del cellulite a los muslos
[ ] el broncear
[ ] cocaína de resoplido
[ ] TV Que mira
[ ] Variedad De la Lectura
[ ] practicando surf la red vía la computadora portátil
[ ] descargando los armas de fuego/que recargan

Indique por favor cuántas veces, mientras que conduce, usted cuenta con: [ ] a) lanzamiento en el otro ___ de los conductores [ ] b) se tire en el ___ Si

usted es la víctima de un asalto a coches, usted debe inmediatamente:
[ ] a) llamada el policía para divulgar el crimen.
[ ] b) las noticias del canal 9 de la llamada para divulgar el crimen, entonces miran su coche en las noticias en una persecución de alta velocidad.
[ ] c) la llamada su abogado y discute pleito contra la compañía del teléfono portátil para su llamada 911 que no va a través.
[ ] d) llamada su therapist.

En el acontecimiento de un terremoto, usted debe:
[ ] a) parada su coche.
[ ] b) el conducir y esperanza de la subsistencia del mejor.
[ ] c) utiliza inmediatamente su teléfono de la célula para llamar todo amó unos.
[ ] d) saca su cámara de vídeo y obtiene la cantidad para el canal

9. En el caso de la lluvia, usted debe:
[ ] a) nunca conduce sobre 5 MPH.
[ ] b) impulsión dos veces más rápidamente que.
[ ] c) usted no es seguro cuáles la "lluvia" es.

Indique por favor su número actual de las sesiones de la terapia por semana: ________

¿Usted está tomando actualmente cualesquiera de las medicaciones siguientes?
[ ] a) Prozac
[ ] b) Zovirax
[ ] c) litio
[ ] d) Zanax
[ ] e) valium
[ ] f) pote médico
[ ] g) Zoloft
[ ] h) todo el antedicho
[ ] i) ninguno del antedicho *
* Si ningunos, explican por favor: __________________.

La longitud del diario conmuta:
[ ] a) menos de 1 hora *
[ ] b) 1 hora
[ ] c) 2 horas
[ ] d) 3 horas
[ ] e) 4 horas o más *

Si menos de 1 hora, explica por favor:____________________.

Cuando es parado por el policía, usted debe:
[ ] a) el tirón encima y tiene su licencia de conductor y forma del seguro listas.
[ ] b) intento para outrun las conduciendo la manera incorrecta en la autopista sin peaje.
[ ] c) tiene su cámara de vídeo lista y las provoca para atacar, así asegurándose de un beneficio fuerte del pleito.

Cuando usted ve una mujer que el conductor con su brazo extendió fuera de la ventana, él significa:
[ ] a) ella las dar vuelta-señales está quebrada.
[ ] b) ella está dando una indicación que ella se prepone cambiar carriles.
[ ] c) ella la está secando los clavos.

¿Qué pieza de su coche usará hacia fuera primero?
[ ] a) las láminas del limpiador
[ ] b) las correas de asiento
[ ] c) el cuerno

Las cerraduras automáticas de la puerta son buenas para:
[ ] a) seguridad
[ ] b) conveniencia
[ ] c) ensuciando con las cabezas de la gente que intenta conseguir adentro.

El ajuste "brillante" en sus linternas está para:
[ ] a) la obscuridad, encendió mal los caminos
[ ] b) destellando para conseguir el coche a continuación para mover apartado
[ ] c) venganza