Only in California - New Driver's Exam - (very funny!)

Email | APRIL 29, 2005 | Unknown

[CHARLITE]

For those of you who are not "fortunate" enough to live in California,

here is a copy of the California Driver's Exam, and for those of you

who do, study real hard.

This is a new Exam. Since driving conditions (and culture) are unique

in California, you may not have realized that the California

Department

of Motor Vehicles has now issued a special Application and driver's

test solely for the California area.

2005 CALIFORNIA DRIVER'S LICENSE APPLICATION

Name: ___________________ Stage Name:__________________

Agent: ___________________ Attorney:____________________

Therapist's Name: _________________

Sex: [ ] Male [ ] Female* [ ] Formerly Male [ ] Formerly Female [ ]

Both

*If female, indicate breast implant size: _______

Will the size of your implants hinder your ability to safely operate a

motor

vehicle in any way? [ ] Yes [ ] No

Please list brand of cell phone: ________.

If you don't own a cell phone, please explain why you don't:

________________________________________ _______

(Use extra pages, if necessary)

Please check hair color: Females: [ ] Blonde [ ] Platinum Blonde

Teenagers: [ ] Red [ ] Orange [ ] Green [ ] Purple [ ] Blue [ ]

Skinhead [

] Other ___________

Please check activities you perform while driving: (Check all that

apply)

[ ] Eating

[ ] Drinking Starbucks coffee

[ ] Applying make-up

[ ] Shaving (male or female)

[X] Talking on the phone (already checked for your convenience)

[ ] Lifting weights

[ ] Slapping kids in the back-seat

[ ] Applying cellulite treatment to thighs

[ ] Tanning

[ ] Snorting cocaine

[ ] Watching TV

[ ] Reading Variety

[ ] Surfing the net via laptop

[ ] Discharging firearms / reloading

Please indicate how many times, while driving, you expect to:

[ ] a) Shoot at other drivers ___

[ ] b) Be shot at ___

If you are the victim of a carjacking, you should immediately:

[ ] a) Call the police to report the crime.

[ ] b) Call Channel 9 News to report the crime, then watch your car on

the

news in a high-speed chase.

[ ] c) Call your attorney and discuss lawsuit against cellular phone

company

for your 911 call not going through.

[ ] d) Call your therapist.

In the event of an earthquake, you should:

[ ] a) Stop your car.

[ ] b) Keep driving and hope for the best.

[ ] c) Immediately use your cell phone to call all loved ones. [ ] d)

Pull

out your video camera and obtain footage for Channel 9.

In the instance of rain, you should:

[ ] a) Never drive over 5 MPH.

[ ] b) Drive twice as fast as usual.

[ ] c) You're not sure what "rain" is.

Please indicate your current number of therapy sessions per week:

________

Are you presently taking any of the following medications?

[ ] a) Prozac

[ ] b) Zovirax

[ ] c) Lithium

[ ] d) Zanax

[ ] e) Valium

[ ] f) Medical pot

[ ] g) Zoloft

[ ] h) All of the above

[ ] i) None of the above*

* If none, please explain: __________________.

Length of daily commute:

[ ] a) Less than 1 hour*

[ ] b) 1 hour

[ ] c) 2 hours

[ ] d) 3 hours

[ ] e) 4 hours or more

* If less than 1 hour, please explain:____________________.

When stopped by police, you should:

[ ] a) Pull over and have your driver's license and insurance form

ready.

[ ] b) Try to outrun them by driving the wrong way on the freeway.

[ ] c) Have your video camera ready and provoke them to attack, thus

ensuring yourself of a hefty lawsuit profit.

When you see a woman driver with her arm extended out the window, it

means:

[ ] a) Her turn-signals are broken.

[ ] b) She is giving an indication she intends to change lanes.

[ ] c) She is drying her nails.

Which part of your car will wear out first?

[ ] a) The wiper blades

[ ] b) The seat belts

[ ] c) The horn

Automatic door locks are good for:

[ ] a) Security

[ ] b) Convenience

[ ] c) Messing with the heads of people trying to get in.

The "bright" setting on your headlights is for:

[ ] a) Dark, poorly lit roads

[ ] b) Flashing to get the car ahead to move out of the way

[ ] c) Revenge

[EagleUSA]

Excellent. Should have posted a copy of the Mexifornia drivers license too!!!! :-)

[brooklyn dave]

This is great ROFLMAO

[Mark in the Old South]

Just to let the two of you know I have not forgotten Ping

[eccentric]

Finally! A test my daughter can pass!

I'm gonna print this out and deliver it to our Kansas DMV. I hope it doesn't hurt them to smile....

[GeekDejure]

Excellent. Should have posted a copy of the Mexifornia drivers license too!!!! :-)
=======

"Weed own kneed know steeeeeeeenkin' dry verz lie since!" !!! ;-))

[EagleUSA]

"Weed own kneed know steeeeeeeenkin' dry verz lie since!" !!! ;-))
-----
The sad part is - you are RIGHT! They don't need anything, including a green card. They have carte blanche...

[marblehead17]

ping

[Canticle_of_Deborah]

LOL, this is so funny! (and true!)

You'll love it out here ;-)

[Canticle_of_Deborah]

Funny California stuff.

[Mark in the Old South]

There are four states (or as I like to call them the four horsemen of Apocalypse) that I will never live in:

California
New York
Massachusetts
Florida

[mistress_of_tantra]

That is brilliant! I haven't laughed so hard in a long time haha thank you!

[calcowgirl]

ROFL! :-) Thanks for the ping!

[birbear]

There are four states (or as I like to call them the four horsemen of Apocalypse) that I will never live in: California New York Massachusetts Florida

The problem with your pithy comment is that you are allowing the media to brainwash you into how you think about these areas.

I've lived all over California (and in Washington). I have never met an actor, a person who reads Variety, a surfer, or people with purple hair. Most of the "strange" people I've seen in California were located in or around Venice Beach -- pretty much the mecca of weirdness on the west coast. Outside of that, pretty much most people are pretty dog-on normal who work 9 to 5 jobs, drink coffee in the morn, beer in the evening, and get a good chuckle out of "The Blue Collar Comedy Tour" and are chagrined with how poorly SNL has changed over the years.

By and large people are the same where ever you go. Be it Houston, TX, Los Angles, CA, NY, NY, or Normal, IL.

[CHARLITE]

FYI Ping!

Char!

[abigailsmybaby]

Hey! What's everybody laughing at? Aren't all the states' driving tests like this?

[eccentric]

NO, in Kansas the test has such questions as "Who has the right-of-way?" Of course, the answer is "The vehicle with the biggest tires."

[FDNYRHEROES]

California DMV (Dept of Mexican Voters) ping!

[CHARLITE]

"California DMV (Dept of Mexican Voters) ping!"

Gosh. You're so funny. The sad part is that it's true. I live here! Ouch!

[InHisService]

This test is clearly biased. Why does it not ask if I have had lipsuction?